Friday, January 19, 2007

A Little Trip To The Zoo

Last night at Tiki, I learned something new. I guess if I was really honest, that is a major reason why I love the place, and the people. It never fails. I always learn something. It is a lot like college in that respect. Drinking is encouraged, life is bitched about, dirty jokes and out and out lies are swapped, but you are never tempted to skip class.

Last night I learned about the Baltimore Zoo. Markus was talking to our resident Italian prince of the links, Guido, and the topic of the Baltimore Zoo came up. I overheard this among twelve different conversations going on (Tiki was a packed house last night), and as I have always been a bit nosy, I butted in on their conversation.

“What’s with the Baltimore Zoo?” I asked naively.

“Not THE zoo, a Zoo.” Markus went on to explain. Markus was a very successful bartender for fifteen years at a local establishment known as “The Pub”.

“Guido used to come in and order a Baltimore Zoo all the time, and he turned everyone on to it. I used to have to make ‘em in a five gallon bucket, people would order so many” He said.

Now I won’t kid you. I am a beer and shots kind of a guy. I studied for two years trying to consistently concoct the world’s greatest martini, but other than that, I don’t know much about mixing drinks, only drinking them.

Markus went into great detail. Later I found some paper and had him write it down, but a half dead sharpie pen in a low light situation, after a couple of beers, doesn’t lend itself to good penmanship, but here goes.

Go to a good bar with a competent bartender, not a beer and shots place, and order one. You can buy the fixings yourself, but for most of the people I know the cost would be prohibitive. Start with a pint glass. Add these ingredients in splashes or “jiggers” or slugs or however you measure your drinks. (I just count the empty PBR cans, but like I say, I’m a beer guy.) Try and use top shelf stuff.

Southern Comfort
Tia Maria (I’m not sure, the sharpie was dying)
Pineapple Juice
Sour mix
Top with a freshly cracked Beer of your choice.

Yes, it does have enough booze to drop an alcoholic polar bear, but it tastes like a pleasant fruity punch, or so I’m told, with no hint of alcohol in the aftertaste. I know that many of our readers are not at all as fond of beer as some of the writers of Social Zymurgy, and only stop in for a few laughs, or to check out what new lurid photos we have culled off the web, but this seemed to me a great suggestion to offer up for the next time you find yourself at your favorite watering hole, and just don’t feel like having your usual “fruity, girly drink”. Here at Culture of Beer, we are all about inclusion. One is enough, and four will have you kissing people you don’t even know goodnight.

So enjoy a new drink, and when your buddies from work ask you what you did over the weekend, tell ‘em you went to the Zoo.



  1. That sounds suspiciously like a drink we had in college called "Strip and Go Naked Punch." We'd borrow a five gallon plastic bucket from the dormitory food service, and then go room to room and gather all the booze everybody on the floor had, both liquor and beer, and mix it with some lemonade and fruit punch mix. It was pretty awful, but potent.

  2. Johnny Yen: Your "Strip and Go Naked Punch" sounds more like what we used to call "Whatchagot Stew", where the contents varied from occasion to occasion. From what I understand, this was a carefully measured drink with precise ingredients, much like a "Zombie" or a "Long Island Iced Tea", I guess. Markus said that Guido would convince most of the bar to have one, and rather than mixing them one at a time, he would use the five gallon bucket to mix them in large quantitys to cover the order. (He may have been pulling my leg, but that doesn't sound like him).

    By the way, thanks for checking in! It is always good to know that someone new is stopping by. Your blog title makes me laugh every time I read it, as I can hear Iggy Pop singing about your "Lust for Life". Your comment on the lady with the cookie story really made me feel good. If you ever find your way to Canton, stop on by. I'll take you to Tiki night.


  3. the S&GN and WS combos remind me of "Cannery Row" by Steinbeck. One of the bums at the Palace Flophouse and Grill tends bar and whatever customers leave in their glass he throws into a gallon jug under the bar. I don't know if it has a name, but it's a theme running through the book.

    Meanwhile who's putting up the next naughty nekkid lay-dee pix??


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