Saturday, March 24, 2007

Things I've Learned about Myself Recently

As the title suggests, I've had a few minor revelations recently. Nothing major. My sexual orientation hasn't changed. I didn't suddenly remember being fondled by a man of the cloth as a child. Nothing so drastic. Just some things that have come to my attention that I feel obligated to share, the kind of things, that in my mid-thirties, I should have noticed by now.
1. I suffer from small dog's disease. I have a bladder the size of a walnut and I sniff a lot. Crotches especially.
2. I just can't seem to reach for a trashbag and grab the end that opens. 87% of the time, I grasp the closed end and fiddle with it for forty to fifty seconds before I realise my mistake.
3. The people I love the most consider me "a cad", and they are alright with that. I wish I would have known this some time ago people. I could have acted up even more than usual and when you would come to me and wag your finger, I could have spouted the quip, "Who has two thumbs and is a cad? This guy!" I would have saved me a lot of lying.
4. I can't get enough of the blues. To me, it is a very Holy experience. I feel the hand of God in every note. It is like church. Praise Jesus and pass the hat, and the bottle.
5. I can't recommend a liquid diet for a long trip.
6.I NEED to go home more often.
7. I have some powerful good friends.

Thanks for stoppin' by,

1 comment:

  1. I've always asked,"what's got two big thumbs and loves blowjobs? THIS GUY!!" I'll have to try your method for a change.

    I was telling yer wife-unit that her and Elizabeth's retirement community is where I currently live: Orange Park, FL.

    As for the trash bag issue: I've got the same problem. Except that sometimes I don't BOTHER with trash bags as the dumpster is an easy 40 paces from my front door.

    I need more friends.


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