Thursday, December 27, 2007


A reporter once asked Oscar Wilde about his reaction to the news that his brother had been arrested under the charge of drunk and disorderly. Wilde quipped, "My brother has been known to have his alcoholidays." Well one of the biggest alcoholidays are upon us, I speak of none other than New Years Eve. I think even the Amish swig a few drops of homemade wine to commemorate the occasion.

In my mind, there are only a very select few holidays that are alcoholidays. New Years Eve is one. Saint Patrick's Day is another, and perhaps your Senior Prom Night. In my humble opinion, these occasions call for a taste of the nectar, or hops, or what ever your heart desires, or wallet allows.

Champagne is a traditional drink for New Years and most anyone will accept a small glass of bubbly for the occasion. Some will open a much treasured bottle of wine and savor it's varied and musky flavors. Others opt for rum for sweet cocktails, or whiskey, bourbon, or scotch for those who are eager to get the party started. Gin and Vodka find their way into martinis or simply lounge in some tonic with a bit of citrus. Still others crave a south-of-the border tipple and lick, drink, and suck their way into the New Year. The very poor will put away gut-rot, pop-skull, bathtub booze and consider themselves lucky to have it. But if you look around this holiday, you'll see my crowd: the beer drinkers.

At any gathering, there is always one of us, perhaps playing bartender as he sips his cold frothy brew. Sure, he might have a potent potable of something else, but he always returns to the "girl that brung him", beer. The look of this person is a varied as there are beers to be had, but a good rule of thumb is to see if this person is clad in jeans and a T-shirt. Does the T-shirt endorse a beer, Nascar, Heavy Metal music, or John Deere? Are they wearing a ball cap? Does it endorse a company that sells golf equipment, fishing gear, or Hooters? Does this person have an Armed Forces tattoo? These are all good indications that this person is a beer drinker.

Some will show up with a six pack of expensive imported beer, or a hard to find microbrew. Some will bring along a twelve pack of domestic beer that has become a favorite and they refuse to drink anything else. There might even be a couple of guys who back up the pickup so they can unload the garbage can full of ice that holds the keg, and start passing out plastic cups. I would warn you to keep an eye on this last group. They can be fun for awhile, but expect local Law Enforcement to drop by.

We here at Social Zymurgy encourage you and yours to enjoy one last raucous night of 2007, as this year deserves a grand sendoff just as 2008 holds a lot of promise. But please, take a sleeping bag (it might make the evening lot more interesting) or let some teetotaler drive. After all, we wouldn't want to lose any loyal readers, and Internet access from the county jail is spotty at best.

And to conclude this little reminder to have a blast this alcoholiday, Sz, tcob has gone to great trouble and expense to secure a celebrity endorsement. If you are having trouble deciding what beer you should consume for this special occasion, let ardent beer drinker Dennis Hopper make a suggestion:


  1. There are two other alcoholidays that I can think of, but both are only celebrated locally. Groundhogs Day and Tiki nights.


  2. I'm thinking of spending th' evenink w/my new, sexxxi girlfriend Ginni. Ginni Tonic.

    Meanwhile, I feel a "IF I COULD POST ON SZ:tCoB, THIS IS WHAT I'D SAY" post comin' on. i'd start on it now, but my hands are being used to run the $%^#!! Big Bubba Bubble Blower...

  3. Thank you Doc and Dennis Hopper! Happy Alcoholiday 2007!

  4. I must disagree with Mr Hopper, nobody should ever be forced to drink PBR...

  5. Ah, thank you for reminding me of one of my favorite cinematic moments! I have lived by those words for many years now.

    I had never heard that "alcoholidays" quote; I like it! Reminds me of a phrase some of my inlaws used when one of their bustout cousins died--they referred to it as a "mournabration"

    Happy New Year!

  6. I was in the grocery store and when I wandered down the beer aisle, mine eyes fell 'pon a teeny keg of Heineken. 'FUCK THAT SHIT!' I cried aloud.

    "FA DA' SHEET!" cried my 3 year old.

    I'm blaming you, Doc. you should know how easily I memorize text and how impulsive I am-- you should put up a caveat or disclaimer or something....

  7. You know, it's the weirdest damn thing, isn't it? At our office party before the holidays, I noticed that, besides me, there were only 1 or 2 others enjoying BEER. Everyone else with their highballs, their mojitos, their skinny bitches... 'course, I do prefer the darker stuff -- ales & stouts. But it's always beer for yours truly. I just never realized this was the minority beverage of choice.

  8. I raucoused, and I lived to tell about it.

    Happy 2008 to you and your lovely bride!


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