***The Show***The show started and Franklin and I found ourselves perched on the landing for the stairs to the balcony. We would have liked to have been on the balcony to see the whole show from above, but we had gone to the bar across the street to have a much less expensive beer and had lost our place by curtain call. We were at the back of the room, but high enough to see the whole stage over the crowd, as well as finding a great spot to people watch.
The music ceased it's chest-thumping thud and the audience cried out as a tall black woman stepped out on stage and delivered her opening welcome. I don't know if it was the ringing in my ears or the crowd was really that loud, but I didn't catch a single word of what she said, not one word. Perhaps she may have given some insight into why they held the show, or why the chose the peculiar name of "The Organ Grinder's Ball". I know she told a joke or two as the crowd tittered with laughter. I'm certain she gave a good intro to the first act, but it was unheard by me, so I watched the show begin knowing no more than when I had walked through the door.
Earlier in the day I had purloined a nice notebook from a furniture mover, and now by the flash of the lasers, I took very careful notes. I was pretty much writing by muscle memory, as I couldn't see the pen in my hand or the stolen notebook I was scribbling in.
The ball begins with the entrance to center stage by a lithe blond gent in short lederhosen and an Alpine hat, followed by a buxom lady in thigh-highs with broad, wide stripes. They frolic suggestively about the stage for a moment until the witch enters. The witch chases them about and keeps interrupting their naughty play, until she finally captures them, hog-ties them, and spanks them both. End scene.
It wasn't until the next scene that I realized what I had just witnessed was "Hansel & Gretel". I know because Little Red Riding Hood was next. Red pranced about the stage as she made her way through the forest to Grandma's house as the Big Bad Wolf, as played by a burly Russian Cossack, gave Grandma the business. The Wolf tires of Grandma when Red arrives and he turns his attention to her. He chases her down, hog-ties her and she gets spanked. End scene.
Enter Bo Peep and her two male sheep, one white and one black. You could easy tell who the "good guy" was. Just like an old time western, the "good guy" wears a white hat, or in this case, white assless chaps. Bo Peep has a thing for the white sheep and chases and cavorts with it, but the black sheep is always right at her heels looking for some attention but she spurns the black sheep. Eventually Bo Peep is so frustrated by the interference of the black sheep, she hog-ties the black sheep and spanks him as the white sheep cheers and urges her on. End scene.
It should be noted that at the end of every scene the crowd cheered and yelled, but unlike any other gathering I have ever been to, no one applauded. I found myself being the only one who clapped, and I gave that up after the burlesque show as I was starting to draw attention to myself. I noticed that Franklin was edging away from me, as if to distance himself from the onlookers who wondered who had brought this bumpkin.
The show continued with a fairy/sprite who flitted about in a skimpy wood nymph costume. I'm not sure what fairy tale this was supposed to represent, or whether this was an "entra acte". No explanation was given.
Now in my humble opinion, no fetish fashion show would be complete without it's rendition of "The Wizard of Oz" and this was not to be a show to disappoint the friends, freaks, and fiends who had gathered to witness it. The portrayal was tepid but the flying monkeys played a much larger role than in the film version. They were responsible for most of the mayhem, but the wicked witch was defeated with a good spanking instead of water. End scene.
Next we have dear Alice, lost in Wonderland, who wanders in on the tea party and is treated to a grand reception by the March Hare, the Dormouse, and a particularly randy Mad Hatter. A chase ensues and the rabbit, mouse, and insane haberdasher ravish her until the Queen of Hearts arrives and has them hog-tie her so she can be spanked. End scene.
Enter "The Lady and the Tiger". While not a fairy tale per se but more of a parable, I think they felt obliged to include it as the Tiger suit was just too cute to pass up. Picture the "Lion King" doing Jasmine from "Aladdin" from behind. The lion finishes his hunt with a good spanking. End scene.
Since we are venturing away from they Fairy tales anyway, let's throw in Frankenstein. Enter Dr. Frankenstein and his curvy assistant Igor. Let me tell you, Igor had the legs for her white garters, and that is all I have to say about that. Igor wheels the table in from off-stage while the good Dr. demonstrates his madness, as well as other things, to the crowd. The lights flash, a thunder bolt plays across a thousand speakers, and "It's Alive!" The Monster leaps from the table and shrugs off Igor's attempts to restrain it, throwing her to the ground where she wallows in failure, or perhaps in ecstasy, one can never be sure. The Monster grapples with the good Dr. and the inventor is soon taken down himself. The monster takes out his new-found carnal lust on the good Dr., presumably because he didn't invent the Bride first, even though the actor has the worst trouble keeping his leather shoulder straps up and out of the way to the point that it keeps interfering with the action, but he concludes the skit with a harsh spanking. This will teach the good Dr. to mess with powers he cannot possibly comprehend. End scene.
Going back to the tales from our collective youth we meet Snow White. Snow White and the four horny, non-dwarfs. She led them in on leashes and shortly after sniffing each others butts, they turned on her and took turns doing what only Prince Charming had a right to. None of the non-dwarfs appeared to be Doc, but the wicked witch made her reappearance and handed out poison apples to everyone which made them really forget themselves and they banged her with more gusto, and she got spanked. End scene.
Next comes the Big Dick scene. A man enters in shorts that would have made Daisy Duke blush and courts his lover. She is eager and presents her hind-quarters for his inspection. Finding it to his satisfaction, he mounts her and begins to gyrate his hips. She has a concerned look in her eye and clenches up and squints in pain. He is alarmed and tries to withdraw and steps back fifteen feet. A measuring tape is stretched from his groin to hers and the audience laughs. She stands up and relaxes and the tape is wound up in his lap with a snap. The audience howls, but won't applaud. He gives her a good smack on the ass. End scene.
The Cinderella skit was totally forgettable. It must have been, as I totally forgot it, but it is safe to say she was spanked in the end. End scene.
Enter a second sprite with a large caboose and tailor-made wings to show it off, who flitted about while the cast was readying the next scene. If they could have spared one cast member, I'm sure she would have been spanked too. End scene.
Now, for my favorite part, the burlesque that I had been promised. Say what you want about scantily-clad nursery tales, but nothing pushes my buttons like a good ol' fashioned can-can dancers. A group of a dozen or so long-skirted women took to the stage and flaunted their nylons and crinolines with gusto. The timing was poor on purpose I believe, as it added to the crowds growing laughs and when the prat-falls started it grew to an uproar. One would try an impossible kick and topple over and the next would bend over to try to help her up only to have her skirt raised by the dancer next to her to reveal her bloomer bottomed buns, all to the joy of the crowd. The dance would continue as each dancer found themselves in trouble on their turn and each would show more than they planned to the eager crowd. They ate it up, and laughed and cheered harder for this than for any other portion of the show. At one point a dancer was caught with her head under the dress of another and in her confusion, tumbled, ass over tea kettle, to the front of the show. She stood to the sound of a slide whistle and made her way to the back row as the clarinet simulated the sound of laughter and all the dancers held their sides and jested, and pointed. Eventually the front lead dancer screwed up and she was regaled with clarinet laughter and the scene ended with no spankings. End scene.
At this point they sent out the second M.C. He was clad in a white leotard and cape that would have made any male dancer blush, as he was concealing a large zucchini or very rigid tube socks in his groin. He encouraged the crowd to scream louder and told the cast to "give themselves a great big pat on the back, or the ass, as they were so inclined." They crowd ate it up and screamed for more. He continued for a moment with his unintelligible chatter, much like listening to the opening line-up for a baseball game heard over the P.A. system, echo included, until he had the good sense to bow out and let the show continue. I can only assume that our two M.C.'s were the Amanda and Craig that my Email invite informed me were our "creative directors". It would have made sense for them to step forward and get all the accolades they could garner without actually having to present their rumps for spanking.
The next act was a bit different from the rest. While the M.C. prattled on, stagehands suspended a 12' white scarf from some unseen hook. The black-clad, brunette villain enters with our white- clad, blond damsel in tow. The blond enters wearing a red too-too which the brunette villain strips from her, much to the blonde's anguish. (Could this be the symbolism for the taking of a virgin I wonder?) The brunette villain wraps the long scarf around the blonde's wrists and begins to crack her cat-of-nine-tails. The blond jumps and begins to perform acts of acrobatics for the amusement of her tormentor. She glides, swings, and sways, doing stretching feats that would have left me in the E.R., and jumps a little higher each time her brunette captor cracks the whip made of pearls. At the end, when she can no longer keep up with the rigorous demands of her captor, she wraps the silken scarf around her neck and does one final twirl to exit her life from this world. When the Brunette villain is dissatisfied with this ending, she flogs her twice, and then exits stage left. End scene, with no spanking.
In order for them to cash in on the "Pirates of the Caribbean", the rest of the show will be various pirate skits that they worked out. The first introduces our pirate friends, both men and women alike, and leads us to believe that when the weren't scheming on robbing the Spanish Main, they were blowing, screwing, and generally humping each other to a sweaty end. While the historical accuracy of this is not for me to call into question, I suspect that their maids were not as good looking, or as well dressed for the part, nor were they "key-hauled" as much, as well as being so eager to have such a things happen. Their taking of an English ship was interesting as all the prisoners preferred to go under the lash than face the horny crew. The English Navy retaliates and strikes out to end this barbarism, and in order to maintain order, they must flog the crew to keep them in line. The English Captain pulled this off with aplomb. It is a shame that the rest of the cast couldn't. The English Navy tangles with the pirates and the battle is hard fought, with plastic swords flying, until the English Navy realizes that the pirates are much more fun and turn on their English masters. A spanking ensues. End First act.
I'm sure there was a second and even more wonderful acts after this, but it was getting late and I needed to get Franklin home.