Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Caption Contest Jackassery, the "Flaming Mug" edition

Today I stand before you as something I never thought I'd be: a winner, not once but twice over.

First off, the ever imaginative Cormac Brown informs me that I am the winner of his "Caption Contest #1". I would have liked to put up the photo that I had to work with, but that bit of Blogger that works with the pictures seems to be on the fritz again, so you will just have to click on the link instead. My winning entry was, "Where's the rest of your 'Rockband' game?" and garnered me a coffee cup of my choice from his very own store. I think I'm going to go with the one he holds in his photo that says, "Procrastination? It's CRACK for Writers", as that seems to be the most appropriate one.

Then in the comments section of the previous post by Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks, the beautiful and ever-witty Beckeye at The Pop Eye leaves me a note saying that I have won her Caption Contest as well, and am to be named FIRECROTCH of the Month and have my comely photo to grace her side bar for the rest of January.

Now I have got to be honest here, and tell you that at no time in my life have I ever won anything before, so that makes both of these honors quite special. Also, that I have the greatest respect for both of these talented writers which makes the winning all the sweeter to be recognized by one's peers.

But Damn! I have been plugging away at Beckeye's Caption Contests for about two years now and I couldn't even get an honorable mention. I would like to think that I was contributing comedic gold every time, but I always lost out to some much more gifted writer than myself. And while I don't have concrete figures on how many of these I've entered, I always wound up like Charlie Brown kicking the football. This caused me to do something I never, ever do: I whined. I whined and grumped, and complained, and even threw a small hissy-fit when I thought no one was looking. "What did that get you?" you might ask.

It got my effing picture posted in the sidebar of one kickass blog baby!

Now as luck would have it, both of these contests had only a small number of entries, so my mediocrity was able to rise to the top! Mrs. Brown helped by casting the deciding vote in Cormac's contest, and Beckeye was determined to shut me up, and judged my contribution, "Put your hands all over me you damn dirty ape!" as the best for Paris Hilton's snapshot with a guy in a monkey costume.

I couldn't be more proud, and I mean that.

Now Dear and Gentle Readers, you know that there is almost nothing on God's green earth that I would ever throw my endorsement behind, and that I don't shill for nobody, but please take a moment and add these fine blogs to your blogroll. American Idol starts tonight and Beckeye has promised to turn her blog into "The Greatest Recapalooza on Earth" and this is where she really shines folks. And if you want to see what good writing is like, skip the trip to the library and swing by Cormac's place. Not only does he create engaging stories and characters, but he invests himself in every story and it shows. These blogs deserve a bit of your time and attention, not to mention they are also great places to steal ideas from, and it doesn't hurt at all that they are both extremely funny and astute.

I am honored by you both. With that, let me bow deeply and say "Cheers!"

P.S.- Tune in tomorrow to find out how I tongued my boss at the company Christmas party.


  1. My, my. More sweet talk like that and you'll be Firecrotch every month. No entry required!


    If I had a dirty mind, I would totally giggle at what I just said. And I do. So I am.

  2. Dang, Firecrotch and Caption Contest Winner? You sir, are a quipping jugernaut!

  3. OK Doc, now you need to retire for a couple of months to leave the rest of us with half a chance!

  4. What??? Did I see you tongued your boss???????

    Dont make me call you a hobag....


  5. Ugh, I hate those two! But only because they're too talented for their own good! Congratulations Doc, your wins were overdue.


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