Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Time Flannery Got A Nose Ring
The first time I met my future In-laws, Flannery decides to play a trick on them. She takes a small gold loop earring I have and attaches it to her nostril right before she goes to answer the door. She leads them into the dining room where the rest of us have just gathered. Flannery's mom is the first one into the room, and she turns to smile at everyone and then turns back to Flannery to say something and looks her full in the face for the first time...and she almost fainted. Flannery's dad is right behind her and sees that mom is shocked and steps forward quickly and looks to Flannery for the first time himself. You could see him take it all in as his face changed from bewilderment, recognition, "what the...", to "Ha Ha Ha- you got me!" while mom remained steadfastly agog.
She could have spit biscuits.
It was only after dad started to laugh that she realized she had been had. She dabbed her forehead with a handkerchief and politely excused herself to the bathroom for a moment.
I have never met either one of these people before and I am their only daughter's new boyfriend. To say the least, she took a lot of pressure off of a poor white country boy. After that charade, I should look like Clark Gable to them, even though I'm some long haired friend of her disreputable cousin.
I have a couple of things going for me as far as "new boyfriend" went. For one, I was not a complete idiot. I've since been taking lessons. I have a tutor on Wednesdays and Fridays, but at the time, I was not a complete idiot. I could make funny, polite conversation and could breeze my way through most social situations with a little grace. My mother only raised two fools and I lucked out.
It didn't hurt at all that I was wearing my black Beatles Abbey Road T-shirt. Flannery's dad remarked that I had been "tipped off" about the T-shirt as the Beatles were his favorite band. I didn't know that and explained that this was just my shirt De Jour as it didn't have wrinkles, stains, or holes. He smiled as he acknowledged that we were both men of the world, and some bullshit is expected when you are dating a man's only daughter.
To some extent, I can see his conundrum. I have two daughters myself.
I was reminded of this memory this evening as I had a terrible accident. I was wounded most grievously in an honest effort to pour myself a black-n-tan. I opened the bottle of Guinness with the butt-end of a Bic lighter, as I have done away with a church key since I have learned this handy trick. It is all about leverage. My only mistake was leaning over the beer as I wrenched on the cap. Guinness has a little widget inside that releases CO2 when the cap is loosened so that you can get almost as much head and bubbles as if you had ordered it on draught. They pride themselves on this.
The bottle cap left the bottle at the speed of a .38 slug. I have a distinct, round splotch on my face and a slit up one nostril. Flannery joked that I looked like Jack Nicholson in "Chinatown" and while I didn't find that the least bit comforting, she did pinch me and say that girls dig scars, so there is hope for me yet.