Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Only The Royal Society Would Be Interested In Transvestite Lizard Sex

Published this week in the journal, "Proceedings of the Royal Society" was an article on South African Augarabies flat lizards and how immature males would disguise themselves as females so they could hang with the chicks and not get their ass beat by older males. The Associated Press qouted Jonathan Webb, a researcher for the University of Sydney, as saying, "Males are fooled by looks, but not by scent," and one lick would give the imposters away, as these lizards smell with their tongues, so the tranvestites must become agile.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for science and learning about the world around us, but don't you think this is a little weird? Not the lizards. As a devout coward, I would wear a nun's habit and hobble along with a walker to save myself from an ass beating. That makes perfect sense to me. No, to me the weird part is that someone is learning this for their job.

Imagine poor Mr. Webb at a cocktail party that is just packed full of his wife's coworkers, and while she is away in the bathroom, her Boss asks him what he does for a living. Mr. Webb would be hard pressed to come up with a simple answer, other than to say he was doing research with the University.

"So what are you studying Jon?" the Boss asks.

Jon casually takes a long pull at his gin and tonic and looks him in the eye.

"I'm studying the sex life of transvestite South African lizards and how they protect themselves from getting their ass beat," he says with an easy grin. By now, he has this line down pat as he gets asked this alot. The Boss chuckles predictably, as they always do.

"Really?" he stammers out as he nudges the guy next to him.

"Yes, and my studies are going to be published in The Proceedings of the Royal Society. The Queen herself expressed some interest in my work."

"Oh?" the Boss continues to chuckle.

"Yeah. I mentioned your name when I signed her copy and she said you were a prick, and if you didn't keep your filthy hands off of my wife, she would send MI6 to put you in a shallow hole," his voice is soft but with an unmistakeable edge. "Did you want to talk about science, or were you just making conversation?" he wears a smile that would frighten convicts.

The Boss turns pale and waves at a nonexistent friend across the room, then hurries away.

Forgive me, I've been reading some of Cormac's crime fiction and getting my news from Yahoo.

Stay warm,


  1. Oh Doc, this is such a good story!

    You remind me of a National Geo TV show I saw many moons ago, where they talked about young male Elephant Seals trying to mate without the large, dominant bull male knowing about it. Since the only thing that is different between male and female is that weird snout, they would perform what the announcer called the "dash and drop". They dash towards a female in heat, watching the dominant male. When the dominant male turns toward them, they drop their head, blending in with the crowd of females.

    Picture this whole tale with the typical British stiff upper lip announcer, and you have one of my favorite National Geo moments.

  2. How does one join this Royal Society? Must I have horse teeth?

  3. Doc, it's always reassuring that I'm not the only one that reads these science articles on Yahoo and thinks, "Who researches this stuff?" and then rallies on an entertaining conversation loosely based on a possible fact. Kudos!!! :)

  4. Too funny, Doc
    And Becks, yes you must have horse teeth.

  5. I don't know why this is shocking at all-- I know LOTS of immature males who would do this to hang with the chix for a whole SLURRY of reasons.

    This reminds me of a 'toon in the old Omni magazine: two lab rats in a cage and one says to the other, "they've been feeding me a diet of only soap chips and it makes me sick. For some reason, they find this remarkable."

  6. That Jonathan Webb is nobody's fool! You have to root for the science nerd, they are deep wells of strength, evidently.

  7. "Transvestine Lizard Sex"

    Now, that's a good name for a rock band!

  8. Skyler's Dad- the "dash and drop" method is what landed me Flannery!

    Beckeye- Horse teeth are a requirement from what I understand, but the hazing rituals are really a bitch. That's why Prince Charles looks the way he does.

    $teve- You are not the only one who reads this stuff, but I tend to just skim the really odd sounding ones like Transvestite Lizard Sex.

    Gifted Typist- Thanks for chiming in on the horse teeth thing, as I didn't know. I tend to run with the crowd who are at the other end of the spectrum from Royal Society. You have a press pass, do you suppose you could introduce me?

    Cap'n Ergo- Stay away from the soap chips. I found that out the hard way!

    Barbara Bruederlin- Yes, I was a science nerd once and we tend to protect our own. Thanks for dropping by Dear. Always good to hear from you!

    Spooky- I agree about the name. Their first album would be called, "You show me yours and I'll show you mine!"

    I wonder if I should drop a line to Bubs so he could put this in his Narcozoology file. Naw, I'm sure he already has weirder things than this recorded.

    Thank you all for dropping by, and I trust you all will be dressing in a manner to best secure you a mate in heat. Good Luck!



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