- Flannery doesn't buy bars of soap anymore. She buys "bodywash" and these nylon "poofs" to use in the shower. Call me a backwoods doofus if you want to, but I never know how much "bodywash" to put on the damn thing. Either I run out of suds after just hitting the smelly bits, or I look like the Michelin Man of soap. I can't seem to find the right amount.
- In Don Henley's tune "The Boys Of Summer" he mentions seeing a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. Is this supposed to say something about Deadheads or Cadillac owners? Is this line meant to sound profound or ironic? This has been bothering me for years. If you happen to run into Don, ask him WTF?
- When ever I'm driving along and I see a sign that says, "Caution, Hidden Driveway" I always slow down and look for it. I guess that's part of the reason I always found those "Where's Waldo" books to be such page-turners.
- Things I Like: A Good Back Scratch, Finding Money I Didn't Know I had, Sleeping In, A Full Belly, Orange Marmalade, That I Don't Have A Dorky Nickname Like "Stinky", and The Color Orange.
- Universal Hatreds: paper cuts, losing your keys, wet your pants, traffic, ill fitting shoes, the flu, and junk mail.
- No one ever says, "That's as glamorous as a parking attendant!"
- On my drive to work today I noticed that there was a thriving Health & Weightloss center right next to the 24 hour Taco Bell. There was also a store called Religious Goods, but the sign seemed to suggest that they only catered to one religion as only Christ on the cross was represented. I contemplated going in and asking if they had any VooDoo relics that I could purchase.
- I thought that this and this were the funniest things I've seen in a long time. Thank you Gifted Typist for your recommendation.
- "All the world is but a stage, and the woman plays the mummer's part. The Devil enters the prompter's box and the play is ready to start!" I read that somewhere and I've often contemplated writing it on a men's room wall, but I never have a black marker with me and I refuse to dull my good pocketknife.
- Things I Will Never Do: Floss with barbed wire. Climb an electric fence. Light my farts. Hold a seance to contact W.C. Fields from beyond the grave. I have tried all of these things before with poor results and resolve to never attempt them again.
- I am delighted to live in an age that can provide me with Cheez-Whiz.
- Things I've Passed: A cop. An opportunity. A nickel. A marble. A free ride, and advances from strangers. Gas.
- The whole time I'm writing this I am suffering from a horrible case of deja' vue. I am convinced that I have written all or some of this before. Should any of this sound familiar, drop me a line. I'd like to think that my needle hasn't skipped a groove here.
I'd like to leave you with some music that is near and dear to my heart but Youtube didn't have any, so I give you this: