Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Sign Down The Street Says...

The sign down the street says: Barney's Bar & Grill. Under new management; now open at 10 AM. I think they are trying to attract the "earlybirds". I know I start craving a beer and some pickled eggs at about 10 AM. How about you?

The sign on the church down the street says: Stop, Drop, & Roll won't help you in Hell! I don't know. You might just roll into some very interesting people. With any luck, they will be attractive and will want to continue sinning with you!

The sign down the street says: Horse Poo 50 cents. Makes a great gift!

Phrases I love and am always looking for a way to work into any conversation:

"Well that will put lead in yer pencil!"

"Let's run that up the flag pole and see who salutes it."

"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

"Want to see the dimples on my butt?"

"I laughed so hard I coulda farted feathers!"

"Well there's your problem right there..."

"Could you get me a beer?"



  1. Another phrase for your list:

    90% of people who slide into a ditch will scream, the other 10% are from Colorado and say "Here, hold my drink and watch this..."

  2. 10:00 A.M., huh? What are you waiting for?

  3. *Tink* It's beer-thirty all day long in my book!

    Happy Friday!

    - Jennifer

  4. what am I doing wrong that I've not heard you say you almost farted feathers?? Maybe I'm just getting dull in me old age...

  5. Skyler's Dad- While I'm not from Colorado, I've muttered this very phrase myself. The miraculous thing is, of the three times I've ever said this, never have I had my passenger bat an eye. They took my drink with aplumb and didn't ask any questions. I can only assume that you had the same kind of friends. If I haven't mentioned it, thank you very, very much for the beer and the videos. They were right up my street! God bless ya.

    Some Guy- Who's waiting! I want those eggs before everybody has put their filthy hands in the jar!

    Jennifer- Thank you dear. It's always beer-thirty here at the Lodge. I share your love of goats by the way. I had two for pets as a kid and it takes a certain someone to love goats. Just for the record, I love them as a creature, but not in a physical sense. I'm assuming you meant the same thing but I could be wrong. I'll have to slide by your place and see what you mean by "one goat at a time."

    Cap'n Ergo- You aren't dull. You just missed that conversation on Grounhog's Day.


  6. Hilarious.

    Another one, prompted by Skylersdad, how many Calgarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb


    1 to scream in thelight bulb and 99 to tell you how great the 88 Olympics were

  7. 10 am is a little early in the day for pickled eggs.

  8. "I laughed so hard I coulda farted feathers!"

    I've never heard that before, that's a good one!

    "I know I start craving a beer and some pickled eggs at about 10 AM. How about you?"

    Yeah, Doc, that's the thing, people forget that there's a whole other world keeps different hours from the rest of the world. That's how people get their baked goods, their coffee, their gas, to work, etc...

    You keep baker's hours as I recall, and 10 AM is really 11:45 PM for me. Most believe that all this stuff they get to take for granted, just magically appears.


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