Monday, July 13, 2009

More Random Thoughts

I've left my short story, "The Saint Dismas Chip" up for about a week and it just seemed like I needed to put up something else, but if you haven't read it, please take two minutes, scroll down and give it a go. I am particularly proud of this one and it is very, very short compared to other stuff I've written and the twist at the end just tickles me.

But I've had other stuff on my mind besides convicts:

  • No one ever says, "That's as pretty as a chain-link fence!"
  • Linemen for the power company have to have very strong necks and positive attitudes, as they are always looking up!
  • Flannery bought me an air freshener for my Jeep from the Yankee Candle Company. The scent was labeled "Leather". I'm not sure if she is suggesting that my Jeep stinks or she is trying to make me consider new activities after the kids go to bed. Regardless, she hung it from my rear view mirror and didn't tell me. I hop in the Jeep to head off to work and I am assaulted by this awful stink that makes my eyes water and my hands to tremble. It does not smell like leather. It smells like a tannery on a hot summer day. I can't roll the windows down fast enough. I left it hanging there thinking that the scent would soon fade and I don't want to hurt her feelings. I roll the windows up and head into work. I come out for lunch and the smell has trebled. In an eye-watering rage, I yank it from the mirror and toss it in the glove box, thinking that the confined space will help to stifle the smell. When I get home that night, I remove it from the glove box to deposit it in our trash dumpster. The flies vacate the area for a quarter mile. To make matters worse, it is two days later and the Jeep still reeks of it.
  • My buddy, Err, came to visit and brought an India Pale Ale from Goose Island. I'm not much for pale ales but this was pretty good. He also brought a pale ale from the Dogfish Head Brewery. It comes in thirty, sixty, and one hundred and twenty minute brands, meaning that is how often they add more hops. We had a sixer of the sixty minute variety and it was dry enough to make me pucker. If you like that sort of thing, try some, but it was an endurance event for me to finish the first one. He left me one so I could give it another try and maybe I'll change my mind. We also drank Stroh's, Bud in bottles, Red Stripe, and I turned him on to some Stegmaier. It was something of an alcoholiday. He also brought his dog which was a boon for the kids and a nuisance to our cat.
  • Franklin told me a very disgusting dirty joke the other day that made me laugh so hard Jerry and I both almost fell off of our bar stools. I am hesitant to print it, but if you are a regular reader here at Social Zymurgy; the culture of beer, you should know by now that I have very little to no amount of shame. I considered doing a video of me telling the joke, but I don't think I could keep a straight face until the punchline. The joke goes: The husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, we have been married for sixteen years and every year I invite you to go hunting with me, and every year you turn me down. This year I'm putting my foot down. You either go hunting with me, or you do one of two things: have anal sex with me or oral sex with me. So what's it going to be?" The wife thinks it over for a minute and says, "Well I'm not going hunting with you and I am NOT having anal sex, so I'll take the last option." The husband smiles and opens his pants. She takes him into her mouth and immediately spits it out. "Judas Priest Ralph! This tastes awful!" "Yeah," he admits with a grin, "the dog didn't want to go hunting either!"

If any of you have a dirty joke to share, I'd sure love to hear it. In the mean time, anybody want to go huntin'?



  1. No good deed goes unpunished. In this case the punishment landed on the recipient rather than the perpetrator.

    My bad!

  2. That is one of the dirtiest jokes I've ever heard.

  3. Nothing like a good hunting/bestiality joke!

  4. Are you sure the air freshener came from Yankee Candle and not Old Slaughterhouse?

    And that was a fine joke sir!

  5. Oh damn, that's foul!

    Of course, I'm still laughing, but that's foul!

  6. The joke, though I'm not sure about the candle and I imagine that Flannery subconsciously bought it because "tannery" rhymes with her blog name.

  7. I have a good one but I'd have to tell you over the phone. It's bad on so many levels...


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