Thursday, September 03, 2009

The Canoe Trip, part seven-sixteenths

Note the two bottles of clear liquid in the photo.

Now the State of Ohio is very clear about having alcohol on your boat. If the Authorities catch you, They will confiscate your boat, even if you haven't been drinking. I'm sure there is probably a fine as well, but I fortunately don't know what it is. Either way, you as the boat owner are screwed and that seems to be the way They want it.

Now I faced a dilemma, as I was dying to take this canoe trip and I want to take some alcohol, but was I willing to break the law and risk losing my brand new canoe for it?

A wise old man once told me that I was his friend and he would always accept my opinion, except in cases where he knew better. I have found this to be a wise position to adopt, and to a certain extent I apply this to the law. In Ohio, it is illegal to set off fireworks without a license. You can buy them, own them, transport them, but if you set them off anywhere in the state without said license, you are breaking the law. I don't think that this is a bad law as it probably keeps a few idiots from Ohio from winning a Darwin award, but I know I am enough of a resposible adult that I can safely send up a few bottle rockets without blowing my damn hand off.

I also have enough good sense not to get drunk and drown in my brand new canoe.

So how do I take alcohol along without getting into trouble? As always, my first choice would have been to take beer, but the bulk prohibited it. Keeping it cold was also a problem. I've drank warm, flat beer before but I prefer it the other way around. So beer is out.

I need a clear booze that could at first glance, pass for water in one of the three milk jugs that we took. I'm not much for gin, so vodka seemed a logical choice. I bought three bottles of 42 proof vodka and filled one jug with some left over.

There is something to be said for settling in after a long day of paddling, sitting back and enjoying a cup of hot campfire coffee that has been gently cooled by a large shot of grocery store vodka. It eases the muscle aches and makes it easier to sleep on uneven ground.

There is a reason that it took them so long to invent aspirin, as they found their pain reliever much more palitable in liquid form.

But a cold beer would have been better.


This is Franklinton getting a little vodka for his Sunday morning Bloody Mary before I left.


  1. Always drink Vodka when playing a mark.

    I am loving these stories Doc!

  2. Boats and beer go together like vodka and tomato juice. I can't believe there's a law against it.


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