Sunday, June 27, 2010

Will Write For Food

I did something today I haven't done before. I custom wrote a story for someone. My buddies wife's birthday is tomorrow and he wanted to get her something special and personal. "Anybody can go to the store and buy something, wrap it up and give it as a gift. I want something memorable!"

I suggested writing a story for him, after all, who doesn't like seeing their name in print? I write stories and I like to think I'm good at it. I'm not in the same caliber as Cormac Brown or my dear Flannery. Both are much better writers than I am, but then we tend to write about very different things so it's much like comparing apples and pine cones.

So I spent twenty minutes asking him about how they met. I asked a couple of general questions and he filled in most every detail I could want. This was a week ago, and her birthday party was planned for today. I put it off as I've broken my leg and I've been eating pain pills like popcorn which takes the edge off but doesn't leave my mind clear enough to really write well.

So today I bang it out. It takes me three hours, but I had a few interuptions and a bit of technical difficulty. I am really hurting bad today and I pen the story while biting my lip to help foget about how bad my leg hurts. I take it over to him at the Tiki bar next door and he asks me to read it to him and Franklin. I read it and he is effing tickled. He thanks me up and down, and shakes my hand three or four times.

Then Franklin suggested that I start doing this for money. Since I broke my leg I haven't made a red cent. I had to sell some of my guns in an effort to make up for what I wasn't bringing in, but I've pretty much sold every material thing I have to sell. The only thing I've got left is my talent and the love of a great woman.

So I'm going to write custom order stories for money. I know I can do the writing but I don't know how to get the idea out to potential customers. That's where you come in. I'm looking for a way to promote this but I don't know anything about how to do that. I'd like your suggestions. Franklin suggested contacting Hallmark which might be worth a shot but I'm not going to pin all of my hopes on them alone.

Below is the story I wrote for my buddy to use as an example of what I can do. Mind you this was done in a short time and on drugs, but you get the idea. Enjoy and leave me lots of suggestions as I'm broke and broken.


Mark's Pride And Joy

She walked into the bar that was affectionately known as "The Pub Of Love" and let the air conditioning and thumping music wash over her. The crowd was thick tonight, even for a Wednesday. She pulled her tight tank top down over her slim belly and began to elbow her way to the bar. She had come on a mission and no crowd of drunken dancers was going to stop her. The music blared.

"Well I'm the new kid, I'm just comin' up,
A lot of rappers think that I can't tear it up,
Well I'm 'a show 'em and ignore 'em!"

A seat freed up at the bar and she hopped on the tall bar stool before someone else could take the choice spot. As she set her purse down on the bar the guy to her left turned to her, "Can I buy you a drink pretty lady?" he said with a sozzled smile.

"Fuck off fat boy. You're not my type," she didn't have the time for some jerks bullshit, not tonight. An unseen hand had set a cold, dirty martini in front of her. She looked up to see the bartender gazing back at her.

"I keep smokin', hot like fire
You had the turn, now retire,
Don't talk back, I'm not a new jack,
Cuz I'm fresher than you, an' you're whacked!
I keep tryin', I'm not lyin',
Up to number 1 is where I'm flyin'!"

he was tall, slim, blond, and handsome. His eyes twinkled against his dark tan which complimented his devil-may-care smile. He had the look of a fun-loving rogue but she knew he had a heart of gold. "How are you doing tonight?" he said as his smile grew wider.

She took a long pull at her drink before she answered, "I'll be better later." She toyed with an olive at the edge of her lips in a seductive way. "Oh yeah, how so?" he asked as he looked deep into her eyes.

"I'm gettin' greedy, don't lead me,
The wrong way cuz is just might, might, might,
Bring me down, I'll have to fight to get back up,
Move away cuz I just won't slack up!"

She finished the rest of her drink in one gulp and slid another olive from the swizzle stick into her mouth with one long stroke of her tongue. The bartender almost winced as her teeth bit into the soft flesh of the olive. He whisked away her empty glass and refilled it in an instant. "When do you get off tonight?" she said with a coquettish smile.

"Not until two."

"Any chance you could get out early?" She leaned in closer as the music thumped a little louder.

"Cuz I'm a leader, no I'm not a follower,
And MCs like you I swallow 'em!
So don't look and try to judge me,
Because you think that I'm another MC,
well I'm the new kind, I just moved around,
But that don't mean I can't rip up the town!"

"Maybe I can get someone to cover for me. What did you have in mind?" He leaned a little closer too.

"You know what I want. I want a tour. Hell, I want the grand tour!" The sparks between them could have outshined the lights on the dance floor.

"That's what I love about you, your no-bullshit attitude. I'll have Tim Lang cover for me. He owes me a favor. How does midnight sound?" his smile tried to reach his ears.

"Midnight sounds great," she knocked back her second drink faster than the first, "I'll meet you there."

"Not from the old school or from the new,
Applaud the boom, do what you want to,
Talk to me then try to put me down,
We used to be cool now we don't hang around!"

She dabbed her lipstick on a bar napkin and signed it, "Love, Joy & Pain" and left it on the bar. She turned to go and she thought to herself, "I'm going to marry that man someday," as she stepped out into the muggy Ohio summer night.

The bartender hung the lipstick smeared napkin behind the cash register as the song went into it's final verse.

"Maybe jealousy between you and me,
Could be the fame, could be the money.
I'm goin' for mine and I don't really care,
Cuz the spotlight Rob Base don't share!
I'm the headliner of this show,
And you're just a kid and you need to grow!"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to settle down yet," he thought to himself as he slowly shook his head, "but I would be a God damn fool to let a fine woman like that go!"

Happy Birthday Joy, and know that your husband loves you so much it hurts.
Joy & Pain


  1. Aw, that's fuckin' sweet! Funny, I met my eldest's dad in a bar. I can't remember meeting anyone else in my life in a bar, but him.

    Craigslist? Facebook page for shizzel.

  2. That's a great story! No wonder your friend was so pleased with it. I'll bet Joy loved her present.

    In terms of getting the word out, I would suggest a lot of networking online. Get a LinkedIn and a Creative Shakes profile. If you can advertise for free on some online magazines, do so.

    That's all that I can think of right now, but I'll keep thinking.
    I hope this works for you. You really should be writing all the time.

  3. that's really awesome, Doc. And a fantastic idea.

  4. Totally cool! You're a professional now.

  5. Nice job, Doc. I'll try and think of ideas for you, mate.

  6. "Mind you this was done in a short time and on drugs, but you get the idea." Hell, Doc, where THAT criteria is concerned in you're in fine company!! and if this is what you can do when you're messed up on pain Rx's, imagine what heights you'll hit!!

    I, meanwhile, found that I took a great deal of pressure off myself a few years back when I stopped referring to myself as a "writer" and began to call myself a "scribbler." Although the more I read of everyone elses stuff-- yours and Flan's and Spooky's-- I'm beginning to think maybe I can take a crack at this newfangled writin' thang...

  7. You've always been a brilliant storyteller Doc so don't sell yourself short! Great idea and I'm thinking yes, you need to network the hell out of yourself somehow. Or demand that we all buy a story from you, that might work too!

  8. I know something of freelancing... hit me up, if you like.

  9. I think you should combine your talents of story telling and fatherhood and write children's books. Just think of the stories Lucy and Riley want to hear.


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