People I would Like to buy a Beer in Heaven

Bob Hope. I don't know if Leslie Townsend Hope was a beer drinker, but I sure would like to buy him a tall cold one. Several, if he would keep telling jokes.

He was born in England on May 29th, 1903 and was once qouted as saying he left as soon as he found out that he had no chance to be king. His mother moved from England to Cleveland, Ohio and young Bob (as he came to be called) started in show business at the tender age of fifteen. It was either that or go back to plucking chickens in his brother's butcher shop. After years of honing his craft in vaudeville, he moved to radio in 1938 with "The Bob Hope Pepsodent Show". From there things just rolled along for Bob. Movies, T.V., and his ever touring show for the USO.
On September 11th, 1963 he recieved his Congressional Gold Medal. He won five special Oscar's for his humanitarian work and the USO Headquarters is named after him.

So here's to Bob! Raise your glass high and salute a true patriot. God bless you sir, and Thanks For The Memories.

Dedicated to the best father-in-law a man could ask for.

Doc

People I Would Like to buy a Beer

Mark Twain. Who wouldn't want to sit down to a few cold suds with America's premier Humorist?

I mean really, you have to respect a guy who owns two dozen white suits, and refers to them as his "Go To Hell" suits, because whatever the occasion, he is going to wear the same thing he wears everyday.

I was thinking of Mark Twain the other day after I read a post by Big Orange. B.O. was talking about "bearclawing", or "badgering the witness", or whatever you kids are calling it today. In the article he mentioned a website that had a speech of his that he delivered in Paris, 1879, to a group of American artists and writers.

You might call it "badgering the witness", but good ol' Mark called it Onanism, after the Bible story of Onan. Onan was forced by law to marry his brother's widow, and when he fooled around with his new wife, he "spilled his seed on the ground", so God killed him.

In the speech, Mark Twain cites several sources, all of which your dedicated editor failed to check, but are presented as I found them.

After citing Homer, he moves on to Caesar in his "Commentaries" and says ""To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor; they that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this excellent observer has said, "there are times when I prefer it to sodomy."

After that he goes on to say:

Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art."
Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity."

Brigham Young, an expert of incontestable authority, said, "As compared with the other thing, it is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."

Solomon said, "There is nothing to recommend it but its cheapness."

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories — and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. The results of the habit are: Loss of memory, loss of virility, loss of cheerfulness, loss of hopefulness, loss of character, and loss of progeny.

He also referered to a fart as the "fundamental sigh"

Anyone who can crack Dick and Fart jokes in 1879 is someone I want to have a beer with.

Doc

People I would Like to buy a Beer

John Lennon, you know, just because. I'm sure he drank a few in his time. I just thought it might be nice to sit down to a couple of cold ones and shoot the bull with the boy from Liverpool. Somehow, I think he would probably want to bum a cigarette, but I'd just smile, and give him the whole pack. You know, just because.

Doc