Beer Should Be Like Cereal And Have A Prize Inside!

Yes, I know what you are thinking. Beer does come with a prize inside. It is the yummy alcohol that gives beer it's wondrous effect. But this is not at all what I had in mind.

Tonight I purchased a six-pack of Guinness and a twelve-pack of George Killian's Irish Red and blew my weekly beer allowance in one shot. I drank quite a bit of Killian's when it first hit the market several years ago and red beer was all the rage. And Guinness? What can I say about Guinness that hasn't already been said by more eloquent beer drinkers than I, other than it is perhaps the single greatest beer I have ever had the privilege of tasting, bar none.

I purchased these beers for the simple fact that they came with a prize. The Guinness came with a little folder that was fitted around the neck of one bottle. Inside the folder was an official pouring spoon and recipe book! With it I can create my own homemade Black-n-Tan's using a Harp's lager or Smithwick's ale. I can't tell you how jazzed I am to try this out! It is bright and shiny the way a new nickel wishes it could be. Etched into it is the word "Guinness" and a large harp at the end of the handle. It has the look of a family heirloom. The handle is pierced to admit the small silver chain that passes through it and I am tempted to wear the damn thing in much the same way as Cool Hand Luke wore his trademark church key around his neck, but I don't have the chest hair to pull it off.

Next comes the Killian's. While there wasn't a prize inside, there was the promise of a free Brewmaster's Tasting Kit. My feet barely made an inprint on the newly fallen snow as I raced inside from the Jeep. I only paused long enough to kiss Flannery the way a beautiful woman deserves to be kissed after a long day at work and headed straight to the computer. My normal pokey hunt-and-peck style of typing disappeared and my fingers flew to http://www.georgekillians.com/ and I registered and entered my code for my free gift. "While supplies last" was written in small lettering everywhere on the carton that the kit was mentioned, so I felt obliged to make haste, as I was not going to be left out in the cold on this deal. The website has a video to teach you how to use your new Brewmaster's kit but I haven't watched it yet. I'm going to have to wait ten to twelve weeks for it to arrive anyway, so I figure I've got some time. Oh I do so love to get stuff in the mail!

The grocery store where I work has only this week put up their St. Patrick's Day beer display in preparation for the coming alcoholiday. I've read that St. Patrick's Day is the biggest drinking holiday on the calender, as it beat New Years Eve by a smidgen. I don't know if that is true or not. Both are good occasions to have a drink in my book, but that really isn't saying anything coming from me, as I think any day that is spent above ground is worth toasting. To each his own.

I promise to write a review for each of my new beer tools as it seems only fitting for a blog dedicated to the enjoyment of beer. I would recommend you hightail it to your local beer distributor and pluck up these freebies while you can, as breweries don't often give away stuff, not even at Christmas. Besides, these are the kinds of things that will earn you some serious credibility with your beer drinking friends. And what's the worst thing that could happen? You are stuck with good beer to drink and a present for your crazy beer drinking uncle at Christmas.

At least I'm not waiting for a decoder ring from Battlecreek, Michigan.

Cheers,
Doc

(Skyler's Dad- If you don't take advantage of the Guinness spoon, tell me. I'll get you one and send it to you.)

What Beer Goes With Groundhog?

We need to make a decision on what to have our keg filled with for our Groundhog's Day Party. We could fill it with tried and true Labatt's. However, a good friend of mine passed along his superstition that any party with a Labatt's keg will end in a fight. I don't want that to happen, of course. We could do Miller or MGD, but that gives Doc migrains, so we'll have to pass.

That leaves us with the Leinenkugel line:

• Honey Weiss


• Red Lager


• Berry Weiss


• Sunset Wheat

I'm a huge fan of Berry Weiss, but I realize that's a sissy/girly beer and me and the ladies at the party will not be able to chug down 82 of these without help from the fellah's. I've not tried any of the others, so I have no idea which one to go with.

What's your advice? By the way, the menu, which still needs Doc's approval by the way, is:

• Barbeque Pork Sandwiches


• Corn on the Cob


• Snacks, veggies


• Whatever else other people bring

I'd appreciate your input, especially if you'll be joining us. Kindly input your input in the poll to the top right.

Thanks,

Flannery

Beer Review: Great Lakes Brewing Company; Edmund Fitzgerald

Since I just learned that life is too short to drink cheap beer all the time, I ponied up a little extra cash for some Edmund Fitzgerald porter from the Great Lakes Brewing Company and boy am I glad I did! It is almost better than sex! Almost.

Where do I begin? The taste is astounding and their website describes it as, "A complex, roasty porter with a bittersweet, chocolate-coffee taste and bold hop presence," and while that sums it up pretty well, the key word here is "complex". There are nuances to the flavor that are beyond this poor writer's ability to quantify, and each sip is a new reward in the art of a truly great beer.

It was my intention to just have one or two and stretch the beer tasting to a couple of sittings so I could really make this review as complete as I could, but it was just too delicious and I drank all six.

Not only do the fine folks at Great Lakes Brewing make a fine beer, but you have to admire their commitment to the environment through their philosophy of the "Triple Bottom Line". While I'm not certain how widespread their distribution is or it's availability in your area, I would highly recommend seeking it out. At some point in the future, you will be able to order it online.

This is the kind of beer you would want to share with loved ones and very good friends, and would make a great gift for the beer lover in your life, provided you are unlike me and don't drink it all yourself. (Flannery got one sip) I hope you can get your hands on some, and I am really looking forward to reviewing more Great Lakes beer.

Cheers,
Doc

***

Next Up: three beers from the brewery Magic Hat from South Burlington Vermont.

Notes From The Bottom Drawer, "Beers I would Recommend" edition

Years ago I drank Michelob with some frequency, but as my life changed, so did my taste. I went on to other brands and left Mic on the shelf. I took note when Michelob came out in "Ultra", which is marketing for "light beer that costs a little more". Then Flannery bought a six of Michelob Ultra-Pomegranate/Raspberry. I scoffed. "Froo-Froo girly beer," I thought and dismissed it.

Until one night, I was sitting here at the keyboard writing and I downed the last swallow of that delicious French beer, "La Pabst", and I realized that was the last beer in the house. Well, other than the fruity stuff that Flannery bought. I wasn't quite finished with what I was writing and it was later than most repectable people venture out for more beer, so I opened one of hers.

Damn, is it good. Light, fruity, and crisp. An all-around good summer beer. And at 4.2% alcohol you can have an extra and not worry about it catching up to you too quickly. Try one and tell me what you think.

Doc

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer In Heaven

Tommaso Aniello, better known as Masaniello. A man who inspired fear in the hearts of oppressors for three hundred years. A man who stood for liberty, equality, and justice for all.

Doc

Thank You, Michelob Ultra!

It's been really busy at work lately. I come home, zombified, lay down and go to bed too late, and sleep fitfully for four or five hours and wake up like Jake Gideon, especially in the last few seconds of the video below (starting at the 3:40 mark):

But last night, Doc and I were hanging out and I decided to have myself a Michelob Ultra Lime Cactus "beer." It's a lovely little summer beer and has better flaver than Bud Lite with Lime. Plus, the bottle is pretty.

Once I got to bed, I drifted off into real, honest to God sleep, the likes of which could go down in legend. I didn't wake up during the night and I had some of the best dreams. Dreams where me and my friends and co-workers (who are also friends, lucky for me) were saving the world. Some Guy even showed up in the middle of winter with the gear we needed.

I woke up frowzy but with a sense that I had learned something during the night, or rather settled something. I'm sure I'll figure out what that was sometime. But still, what's better than actual accomplishment is the feeling that comes with it. So I begin my day feeling ahead of the game, but not sure why. This is great because it comes with no responsibility to actually do anything about it.

So thank you, Michelob Ultra, for the good night's sleep and the bonhomie you left me with.

People I would Like to buy a Beer

William Powell.
















And here is why.


Doc

People I would Like to buy a Beer

Dorothy Parker.

Untitled

I wish I could drink like a lady,
One or two at the most,
Three and I'm under the table,
Four and I'm under the host.

Resume

Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful,
You might as well live.

Interview

The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints...
So far, I've had no complaints.

Observation

If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure I'll make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I obstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much,
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.

"What fresh new hell is this?" she has been quoted as saying. I can't count how many times a day this phrase comes to mind. She was a class act and a good ol' broad. She reminds me so much of Flannery. I think she prefered bourbon or scotch, but I think it would be nice to sit down with her and a few cold ones and get her reaction to the state of the nation. I'm sure she wouldn't be kind, but damn would it be funny.

Here's to you Dear, and remind me to buy you four drinks.

Doc

People I Would Like to buy a Beer

Mark Twain. Who wouldn't want to sit down to a few cold suds with America's premier Humorist?

I mean really, you have to respect a guy who owns two dozen white suits, and refers to them as his "Go To Hell" suits, because whatever the occasion, he is going to wear the same thing he wears everyday.

I was thinking of Mark Twain the other day after I read a post by Big Orange. B.O. was talking about "bearclawing", or "badgering the witness", or whatever you kids are calling it today. In the article he mentioned a website that had a speech of his that he delivered in Paris, 1879, to a group of American artists and writers.

You might call it "badgering the witness", but good ol' Mark called it Onanism, after the Bible story of Onan. Onan was forced by law to marry his brother's widow, and when he fooled around with his new wife, he "spilled his seed on the ground", so God killed him.

In the speech, Mark Twain cites several sources, all of which your dedicated editor failed to check, but are presented as I found them.

After citing Homer, he moves on to Caesar in his "Commentaries" and says ""To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor; they that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this excellent observer has said, "there are times when I prefer it to sodomy."

After that he goes on to say:

Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art."
Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity."

Brigham Young, an expert of incontestable authority, said, "As compared with the other thing, it is the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."

Solomon said, "There is nothing to recommend it but its cheapness."

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories — and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. The results of the habit are: Loss of memory, loss of virility, loss of cheerfulness, loss of hopefulness, loss of character, and loss of progeny.

He also referered to a fart as the "fundamental sigh"

Anyone who can crack Dick and Fart jokes in 1879 is someone I want to have a beer with.

Doc

People I would Like to buy a Beer

John Lennon, you know, just because. I'm sure he drank a few in his time. I just thought it might be nice to sit down to a couple of cold ones and shoot the bull with the boy from Liverpool. Somehow, I think he would probably want to bum a cigarette, but I'd just smile, and give him the whole pack. You know, just because.

Doc

People I would Like to buy a Beer

Of all the people that would be cool to share a few beers with, this gent would top the rest. This S.O.B. was just flat out funny! He had to be to compete with May West, not to mention that he could out-drink all of Hollywood's best, and at the time that was saying something as most of these folks drank a fifth of scotch before breakfast.

Ah, fast times and big breasted women, as well as an endless supply of cold beer at a nickel a glass. Times were good. God Bless William Fields.

Baltika and the Modern Tiki

Last night Elizabeth, and Flannery, and I ventured over to the Tiki, as Wednesday's Tiki was canceled. We had a grand time. We played Jenga! We had the world's greatest Hotzsup popcorn, and Elizabeth and I agreed that the only way to improve on it would be to add cheese or bacon flavors. (Flannery suggested the bacon.) It was great to have Elizabeth there. She gave her insight into the future and her wit is not to be compared with anyone but the ever sharp Oscar Wilde. I joined a mustache contest, and put up a hat with ear flaps as collateral. I hope to win, but I am the underdog, and all bets are on Markus.



After we came home, I enticed Elizabeth into trying some Russian beer that I had purchased earlier in the evening. We had a brief repast of roast beef sandwiches, lentil soup, girl scout cookies, and Bar-B-Que chicken. (We never got to the chicken.) The beer in question was Baltika, made in St. Petersburg, and imported by Doyna Limited. The "Classic " beer was very heavy on the lemon "Pledge" flavor, and didn't go down that smoothly, but was an interesting exercise for our gag reflex.



The "Extra Lager" was great however, with a light, warm woody/nutty flavor, but just not enough "body/character" to really satisfy. It went well with the beef, but just couldn't hold our interest for long.



For breakfast we had the Porter, which is truly the way to start one's day. The Porter was rich in bouquet, and had all the character of "War and Peace", but without all the pesky reading. Think of the Readers Digest Abridged Version, but with nude photos. Think of the lonely Russian submariner, who after six months under the waves, arrives in port, only to find the dusky Cossack girl of his dreams. Yes, it was that good!

So, to recap: the "Classic" Baltika is to be avoided, unless you like drinking furniture polish with a left hook of lemon. The "Extra Lager" (which had an unexplained large number "9" in the center of the label) was very good, and goes well with beef. The "Porter" was the long Russian winter love affair that you always hoped you could have, without the risk of social disease. I didn't know that I longed for a dusky Cossack girl until I had this beer. Elizabeth now longs for the lonely Russian submariner. It was that good, and we recommend it highly for the long cold nights of winter that we still have to face.

Doc and Elizabeth.

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 19

The Man With No Name.

I know that Clint Eastwood played the role of the “Man With No Name”, but just to be able to sit down with the fictional character and have a few (make that several) beers, would be the first wish I would call out, should I ever stumble across the proverbial genie in a bottle. I have seen “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” more times than I have hairs on my head, (I have a full head of hair, by the way) and I notice something that I didn’t see before every time I watch it, and every time it gets just a little bit better. I have never deconstructed a movie as much as I have this one, and I can recite long passages of the film, as well as explain character motivations for even the most minor of characters. (E.G. the lady climbing into the stagecoach as Tuco is hung, the “half” soldier, the cigar-smoking guard at the P.O.W. camp, the alcoholic Union Captain, etc.) Even to this day, the music sets my nerves twitching, bracing themselves for the excitement to come.

Of all the grand and glorious movies that have ever been committed to celluloid, this is my favorite. I would like to have it played in the background of my wake. I think the gunfire will add a nice touch. (I plan on going out in a hail of bullets. I mean, if you are going to go, go.)

This is in no way to demean “Fist full of Dollars” or “For A Few Dollars More”. They are both excellent films, but to see “Blondie” and Tuco walk through the smoke to finish off the bad guys, as the town is being shelled, priceless. “Fist full of Dollars” is the better of the other two spaghetti westerns, and is almost up to the quality of “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” as a stand-alone story, but lacks the pathos and grandeur. “For A Few Dollars More” is a great western, but lacks much of the heart of the other two.

Most people dismiss westerns. They have become worse than passé. I can understand this completely. Most of the “horse operas” that are out there are very bad morality plays and are not worth your valuable time. But a truly great movie cannot be dismissed, regardless of genre. There are truly great westerns, trust me. Don’t get me wrong. Most aren’t worth the nickel they used to charge at the door, but the diamonds do tend to sift themselves from the rust. Only 25% of the movies John Wayne ever made would I recommend, unless you were doing a paper for film class. Most of them, on their best day, made it all the way to crap. Westerns were the dumping grounds of a lot of bad actors, and rotten screenwriters, for a lot of years.

You want to see a good western? See “Pale Rider” or “Unforgiven”. These carry on in the voice of the great westerns of long ago. They don’t pander to the idea that the hero wears a white hat, the villain wears a black hat, and the hero always gets the girl. In the wooly west of old, there were no heroes, only varying shades of gray that separated them from the villains, just like today.

Please, please, spend two hours this year and reacquaint yourself with good cinema, if for no other reason than to recognize bad when it comes along. Your woman will never sit through a Clint Eastwood movie willingly, so send her to bed. She won’t get it anyway. She is still too enamored with Clark Gable after watching “It Happened One Night”. Pop some Paul Newman’s popcorn and settle in for a cinematic feast. Treat yourself to a MAN’S NIGHT AT THE MOVIES and get “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” from netflix and have a couple of Steel Reserves.

Trust me Scotland, you’ll thank me.

Doc

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 18

Ronnie James Dio.

I would love to buy a beer for Dio and thank him for all the wonderful music he has made over the years. To sit and listen as he told me of his time in Ritchie Blackmoor’s “Rainbow”, to hear of the tough times on the road with “Black Sabbath”, and what a complete jerk Tony Iommi was. Ahh, bliss.

With his soaring vocals (he could have sung opera) and his mystical lyrics, Ronnie James Dio did it for me. He gave heavy metal a credibility, at least to me, that most other artists never could.

So here’s to Ronnie James. Sir, you ROCK!

We Rock (1984)
You watch their faces you'll see the traces of the things they want to be but only we can seeThey come for killing they leave and still it seems the cloud that's left behind oh can penetrate your mindBut sail on sing a song carry on 'cause we rock we rock we rock we rockWe pray to someone but when it's said and done it's really all the same with just a different nameSo many voices all giving choices if we listen they will say oh we can find the wayBut we'll sail on sing a song carry on 'cause we rock we rock we rock we rockWe rock we rock we rock we rock we rock we rockYou watch their faces you'll see the traces of the things they want to be but only we can seeThey come for killing they leave and still it seems the cloud that's left behind can penetrate your mindBut sail on sing a song carry on 'cause we rock we rock we rock we rockWe rock we rock we rock we rock ride out stand and shout carry on sail on sing your song carry on'cause we rock we rock see how we rock we rock that's rock we rock we rock we rock

Doc

Dio with Ozzy Osbourne. (This post is dedicated to Madame E.)

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 17

Clark Gable.

Do you want to score some points with your lady-friend? Or at least just score? Call on the master, Clark Gable. His handsome scallywag ways and his unmistakable voice will put her in the mood more than any amount of incense and candles ever could. Don’t start with “Gone with the Wind”, sure, it is his most recognizable role, but no woman is willing to sit through Atlanta burning and four hours of Scarlet’s waffling and still find you sexy. No, start with “It Happened One Night”. This smooth talking star is going to put a good word in for you that all of your beer-drinking buddies put together never could. Follow it up with “San Francisco”, but steer clear of “The Misfits” with Marilyn Monroe. Sure it has ponies, but it is a depressing movie and won’t score you the points your after. If seeing San Francisco go up in flames doesn’t light your fire, try “It Started In Naples” with Sophia Loren (MEOW!). Someone sexy for the both of you.

With his trademark mustache, slicked back hair, and the delivery of a Vickers Machine gun, good ol’ Clark will set you on the path to points with the little woman, and he deserves a beer for it. His classic Hollywood machismo will set her motor in the neighborhood of “purr” and “here kitty kitty!”.

Trust me. Ol’ Doc won’t steer you wrong.

And when all is said and done, and the cigarettes are stubbed out, have a beer and remember the men who brought you there, Ol’ Doc and the “King of Hollywood”, William Clark Gable.

Doc

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 16

Mae West.

This Lady was a class act. She was a Grand Dame and a "Good Ol' Broad". Broad has come to mean something negitive, but not in my book. A Broad is a straight shooter, she is wise to the ways of the world, she can drink with the "Boys" and hold her own, she is a no-bullshit woman, she has a code that she lives by, she is charitable and kind, and can laugh long and loud, she is comfortable with her own sexuality, and tells a mean dirty joke.

I have had the privilege of knowing a few "Good Ol' Broads", hell, I married one. If you really want to know what a "Good Ol' Broad" is like, the four best examples I can think of are: Flannery Alden, Madame E (we don't call her Madame for no good reason!), Genn6, and Mae West.

Mae West was smokin' sexy. She could hold her own against any man, even when it was still a "Man's World". She was funny, and she could slip a biting aside into any given flirt. She made Marilyn Monroe look like some buck-toothed, pimpled, flat-chested school girl who was trying to struggle out of her training bra to impress the football team. She was the "tramp with a heart of gold". If you have never seen "My Little Chickadee" with West and W.C. Fields, you cinematic education has been sorely neglected and you should get Netflix on the horn right now.

So here's to Mae West, the woman who taught me what a "Good Ol' Broad" is. Maybe you know a "Good Ol' Broad", tell me about her in the comments section. I would like to think that there are still some around.

Doc

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 15

Doc Holiday.

I would love to buy this man a beer, if for no other reason than, he was one flinty sonofabitch and he knew what good friends were all about. Any man that runs with a whore named Big Nose Kate deserves a beer and our respect.

It would be great to sit down with him and Kate, have a few cold drafts, and have him give me some poker tips. Dear and Gentle Reader, if you have never seen "Tombstone", or just haven't seen it recently, watch it again and tell me that Val Kilmer shouldn't have gotten a Oscar nod. He steals the WHOLE movie as Doc Holiday.

There is one scene where Doc, Wyatt, and company have been chasing down the villians and they stop to rest. Doc breaks out in a coughing fit. "Turkey Creek" Jack Johnson asks him what the hell he is doing out here. Doc responds with quiet aplomb, "Wyatt is my friend". "Hell Doc," sez Jack, "I got lottsa friends". And with a small sniff, Doc sez, "Well I don't".

Well, I don't either. And if any of you folks (you know who you are) find yourself in trouble, with your back to the wall, and you really need a friend, just call on me. I've had a few, but I know how to use a gun.

God Bless.

Doc

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 13

Genn6.

This woman deserves a beer. She is a hard rockin' Tool fan and lives through Cleveland winters that would make most Floridians just fall over in an instant coma. She is headed out for New Years Eve and needed some advice on what to wear. The above pictures are my suggestions for clothing, hair, and make-up. These kind of choices should garner you that Hispanic Goth, Julio, that you are after.

And if after midnight, you and Julio sneak off, for some after dark Goth fun in the park, I promise, no one will say anything...

But you will have to give up some sweaty details!!!

Doc

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 12

Buster Keaton.

I have known people who wouldn't watch a movie if it was in black and white, and heaven forbid if it was silent. This kind of movie bigotry just makes me very, very angry. Almost half of the greatist films ever made are in black and white, and these people turn them away like some panhandler at their back door. F**K YOU BUDDY! You don't seem to realise that these artists and writers weren't hampered by these limitations, they were aided by the fact that their stories could be told to anyone in the world, regardless of language barriers, by simply changing the subtitles. The live music that was played to accompany the film said most everything that needed to be said, and what language is more universal than music?

Let us turn our attention to the greatist artist of the silent era, Buster Keaton.

Some would heap great praise on Charlie Chaplin, and don't get me wrong, Chaplin was a very funny man, a visionary film maker, and a great artist, but for my money, it was Buster Keaton that truly took the newly blossoming art of film making to its highest level.

If you have ever seen a Warner Bros. cartoon (Bugs Bunny, Road Runner, etc.) almost every gag you have ever seen is stolen from the mind of this comedic genius. He wrote the book on humor in the movies, and no one before or since, has done anything but add footnotes. Mind you, there are some fantastic footnotes, but footnotes nonetheless.

Most of his body of work is comprised of "two reelers". These were 10-15 minute shorts that the theater played while setting up the "feature" film. In those days, for a nickel, you got two shorts, a news reel, and two feature films, as well as the chance to sit in the dark with your lady friend and it was socially acceptable. (Theaters were at one time segregated, men on one side, women on the other. What fun is that?)

Buster Keaton's character was an everyday guy, for the most part, and what does an everyday guy look for? Love. Always chasing a girl and the complications ensue. A rival, the cops, lack of money, etc.

Take for example, one of his best loved shorts of all time, "Cops". Buster is going to get married and needs some furnishings for his house, now that he is going to be bringing home his new bride. There is an Italian family moving out of their house and are loading all their belongings on a horse drawn wagon. They go inside to get the last of their stuff and leave the wagon unattended. A passer-by stops to stike a match for his cigar on the wagon wheel as Buster walks up. Buster thinks that the wagon and furnishings belong to the passer-by, so he makes him an offer for the whole thing, stuff, wagon, horse and all. The passer-by can't believe his luck, pockets the money, and runs. Buster climbs aboard the wagon and drives off. The Italian family comes out with the last chair, only to find everything they own has been stolen. They yell for a cop.

Buster is happy with the deal that he has made, and he stops at an intersection, as there is a parade going by. He pats his pockets until he finds his cigarettes and pulls one out. In the crowd is an anarchist (that is what we called them before we called them terrorists) with a classic cartoon cannonball type bomb. The Anarchist lights the bomb and throws it into the parade, but his aim isn't very good. It lands on the seat next to Buster as he is looking for a match. Buster sees it burning and causally lights his cigarette, and then tosses it over his shoulder. The bomb explodes in a group of cops marching in the parade. As they get to their feet, the crowd screams and points at Buster.

What ensues is THE GREATIST CHASE ever captured on film.

Buster abandons the wagon, and makes a run for it, as the dozen or so cops give chase. As they advance through the town, they keep blowing their whistles, and keep calling more and more fellow officers to their aid. A dozen turns into thirty, thirty to fifty, fifty to a hundred, on and on, until there must be five hundred cops chasing poor Buster. At the end of the film, desperate to make his getaway, he ducks into the first door he can find. As the camera pulls back, you see that it is the city jail. Hot on his heels come five hundred cops and they all squeeze in the door behind him. A few seconds pass after the last of the cops have gone in, and who emerges? Buster, dressed in a policeman's uniform. He turns and locks the door behind him, sealing the cops inside. There on the sidewalk, Buster sees his bride-to-be and he calls to her. She puts her nose in the air, sniffs, and turns on her heel and walks away quickly.

Buster shrugs his shoulders, and unlocks the door, and unseen hands yank him inside. The final shot of the film is a tombstone with the words "The End", with Buster's trademark flat hat on the top.

To this comedic genius, raise your glass, and take a long pull, because you may have never seen a Buster Keaton comedy, but I promise, if you think of an entertainer that you think is funny, they probably have.

Doc

People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 11

James Dean.

This guy is cool, and I defy anyone to deny it. I didn't know what angst was, or that as a young man, I suffered from this affliction. James Dean, in "Rebel Without A Cause", showed me that I was not alone, and the only two options existed. Buck up and plow through, or punch your own ticket. He found his life confusing at every turn, his peers a frustrating mystery, his parents a useless enigma, and no help at all, but love and friendship were within his grasp, and these were to be the things that saved him.

We were the last people I knew that owned a VCR, and for several years we owned two tapes. A colorized version of "It's A Wonderful Life", (Thanks Ted Turner, You Boob!), and a tape with "Blade Runner" with Harrison Ford, (A personel favorite, still is), "Casablanca" with my man Bogart, (THE GREATIST MOVIE EVER MADE!), and "Rebel Without A Cause", James Dean's best of the three movies he lived to appear in.

Dean did his screen test (they would film you just hanging around, talking, for fifteen minutes or so, just to determine your potential "star power".) for Warner Bros. with a very young Paul Newman. They laughed and kidded around, and smoked cigarettes. (Who didn't in Hollywood then?) I've seen clips from this famous film test, and it is interesting just to see these two powerhouses of American film just clowning around together.

Because of Dean, I have enjoyed a lifelong facination with the swithblade knife. I have a couple and have given them as gifts to most of my friends.

Dean's aggresive life style robbed American cinema of a grand star, and Dean of his life, when he wrecked his car at a hundred plus miles per hour.

So lets hoist a cold one to the man who brought us "Giant", "East of Eden", and my favorite, "Rebel Without A Cause", 'cause even though my days of angst have passed me by, I can still recall the inner churning that only James Dean could bring home.

Rest in Peace, Sir. The beer tastes good, but it would be nice to have enjoyed it with your smokin' cool.

Doc