A Job Where I Get Free Beer
I posted an article earlier about having trouble finding a job. I still haven’t found one and because of some transportation setbacks, probably won’t have one anytime soon. I keep trying to think of some way to come up with some extra cash, not that I know of anyone who has extra cash, unless you count Bill Gates. I know there has to be a job out there for me somewhere, but I would like to find one that suits me, not just some chump job that they couldn’t find trained monkeys for. Well, I thought, what job would I like and best be suited for? After a lot of thinking, and a little drinking the other night at the Tiki bar, I have decided that I should try to find a job as a skald.
A Skald you might ask. What in the name of heck’s sweaty armpit is that? I’ll tell you. Skalds were Viking poets and entertainers that traveled around and acted as historians, counselors, warriors, and ambassadors. Much like the Welsh bard, who was a traveling entertainer, but the skald usually had a king or Jarl who was his regular patron.
I think I would be great for this job! I can sing and dance, well, as long as you enjoy a good comedic dance. (See earlier posts for my dancing skill references.) I can recite poetry, I can even make one up on the spot, and I have a near endless supply of dirty jokes that I can call up on demand. I am a fair to middling historian, and know a little bit about most things, enough to carry on an intelligent conversation, but not enough to make me an expert on any topic. I am easy-going and level headed. I’m a good listener.
That pretty well covers the entertainer/historian/counselor/ambassador part. The warrior part is a bit sticky but I think I could muddle my way through. I am a fair shot and good with a knife or sword, but low on the speed, agility, and endurance department. There isn’t much call for the warrior part of the job description anymore, unless you have been talking to your local Army Recruiter. I hear those guys are looking for a few good men, but should things get bad, and you need a warrior, I can dial 911 pretty fast.
The great thing is that the pay is fantastic! Skalds were paid with jewels, or sometimes, even in cash, not to mention the free beer. They always got the last girl at the party, but they were on the job anyway and had no time for love. I’ve already found the love of my life and don’t need someone else’s last girl anyway.
Yes, I’ve found my life’s calling and am well on my way to becoming a great skald. The only trouble is I can’t seem to find a Jarl to support me. Anyone that knows of a good Jarl in need of a skald, please contact me via this website.