Recently we have had two incidents of Tiki members drinking too much. Contrary to popular belief, this is unusual. There have been only three times in the history of the Tiki that this sort of thing has happened. (One was just poor judgment, as the article entitled Wally’s Transgressions should explain.) As I am the Tiki chronicler, I should know. On both occasions, two of the men involved were without their women. They lacked the “civilizing” influence that women provide. Let’s face it, Dear and Gentle Reader, women and beer are the reason we have civilization to begin with. If it weren’t for them, we would be chasing each other around with sharpened sticks. On both occasions the men involved had their ladies out of town and were not feeling themselves. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE! This is merely an observation. I know that when my woman is away, I am not myself. I would never admit this to someone who knows me. That would be admitting a sign of weakness that no man that I know would be willing to own up to. But this is a factor that is apt to play on a man’s mind. There is a reason that married men live longer than their single counterparts. There is a woman to tell them when it is time to go to bed, when to eat, and when to quit drinking with their buddies, and when not to drive. This is in no way to excuse this kind of behavior, but it is to hold up some kind of defense, just so you know where they are coming from.
We need you girls; we need you more than you will ever know. We can’t live without you, and we can’t tell you enough how much you mean to us. So when you have to be gone, we have a couple more beers than we ought to, just to make ourselves try and feel better. Sorry.