Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Exile In Guyville

"There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him, you can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him when he's down, yeah
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating to the sound of the beat...oh yeah..."

-Queen, "Another One Bites The Dust", 1980.

I haven't seen Li in forever and am not one to turn down a dance floor, so when she called saying she wanted to go dancing at The Chamber, the local goth night, I wrote it in "the book" before I even bothered calling her back.

Our friend Klaus showed up about fifteen minutes after we arrived. Klaus is an absolute pleasure to watch on the dance floor...Hawaiian shirt, khaki pants and the greatest '80's-rock fist-in-the-air salute you'll ever see performed to German techno. Now THIS would be a party.

And then Rob shows up....this is going to be an interesting night. I know Rob through a different group of friends than the ones I was with, so I had no idea he was going to be there. He showed up by himself to just hang out.

I have been almost/kinda/sorta interested in Rob for almost two years. He spent a year in Florida so I sort of forgot about him...and then he came back. I spent almost a year trying to figure out if I was interested in him or not the first time and just couldn't make up my mind. My friends were getting tired of my indecisiveness, so when he left town it was a bit of a relief. His coming back only started the guessing game all over again. And now, for another year, I've been wondering if I should take him on.

We've been drinking a bit heavily and talking for quite some time and the answers I'm looking for finally show up. I will date a guy who uses drugs because I have no room to talk. But there are limits, and Rob talked about drugs in a way that made it clear to me that his use is beyond those limits. It's a suspicion I've laways had about him but was never able to confirm exactly how much and what kind of drugs he does.

Now I know, and he's off "The List." One down...

So let's replace him with Michael. Rob left the club and a guy I've never met came over and started talking to me. He was awesome. He's 41 years old, originally from Nigeria, was raised mostly in the States, joined the military and spent 8 years in Germany, now back in the U.S. for good and looking to settle down. He's at the club because he loves German techno. He's perfect.

We close out the club and Michael comes out to eat with me and Li and Crystal afterward. He's made it very clear he's looking to settle down and have a family,meaning he wants children. At this point I kind of wrote him off...there's no reason to get involved with someone if you already know they're not moving in the same direction you are.

All of us discuss the child issue over dinner, among other things. He's amazed that I don't want children...can't believe it. He proceeds to tell me all the reasons I should. I politely explain to him that it just ain't happenin'. I leave to smoke, and he asks Crystal and Li if they think my opinion will change over time. Li tells him that I'm 32 years old and if it was going to change it would have at least started by now. Crystal tells him she doesn't know me that well but doesn't think it will happen because I have some very fundamental reasons for not having children. He tells them he's going to try and hook up with me anyway because he thinks I might change my mind.

I tell him I'll see him at The Chamber some time...


  1. This is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for! But there are things that We (as readers) want to hear more about.
    ONE:"We've been drinking a bit heavily and talking for quite some time and the answers I'm looking for finally showed up." What were you drinking? What was he drinking? What was the bartender making the most of? What were the questions? Drugs? Really?
    Two: He digs you. (Michael, not Robert) You kinda dig him. Is there no room for a fling? I have heard of two ships passing in the night; well couldn't this be one hell of a night? Think of yourself in the "old folks home" and telling the "old bitties" about the "lost weekend" you had with the guy from Nigeria, and hearing them go "WOW", and trying to pass off a visit from their son, "THE DENTIST", as some kind of major highlight in their lives. You will "rule" your wing!
    Make no mistake about it. I AM NOT advising you to have a weekend of wild and abandoned, and unprotected sex. This is the furthest thing from my mind. But looking into Michael might, perhaps, settle your mind as to what, exactly, you are looking for. I know from my own experience that I kissed A LOT of frogs before I found Ms. Right. Don't get me wrong. There are WAY too many frogs out there, but you need to smooch a few to help you narrow the list. The hunt is fun, but the catch is worth it all. The season is always open, and you brought the right gun. You just need to settle on what you came huntin' for. Who is to say that you will come around to his way of thinkin'? You might change his mind and the two of you adobt a cat.
    I know that it is Elizabeth that should be advising you. You should contact her and get her advice. But as a semi-impartial observer, kiss a few frogs.


  2. First of all, I'm proud of you for loosing Rob. You don't need the kind of garbage that comes with an addict.

    Secondly, don't even bother with Michael. He already wants to change you and he hasn't even asked you out on a proper date yet. He's not looking for you, he's looking for his perfect fantasy girl and he's already declared to your friends that he's going to attempt to squish you in to the mold he's concocted. He'll never be happy with a real girl and he'll make you miserable.

    Is Klaus available? Hawaiian shirts are tacky, but he sounds fun.

  3. 1. thank you both, good comments!

    2. I have no idea what we were drinking. The bartender knows me too well nad knows just to make something that will get me drunk that doesn't taste like alcohol, simmilar to the concept of a Long Island Iced tea. She tries out new shit on me all the time because she knows I don't know any better.

    3. I get the impression Michael isn't interested in passing his ships with me just for the sake of doing it...he's really looking for a mate. Put it this way, he said absolutely nothing that was "flirtatious" to me at all that night. It was all questions...

    4. I don't think Rob's really an "addict"?? I think he just does a lot of drugs because he's bored and has no direction and nothing else to do. That is less disturbing that addiction, but not by much.

    5. I didn't get the impression Michael was trying to change me as much as I believe he's just naive enough to think that I really will change all on my own. That happens to me with a lot of people, men and women. They figure I'll change my mind on that eventually because not wanting children is considered a bit "unnatural". He's a decent guy, very dynamic character...he will make some woman very happy, just not me.

    6. Klaus is available, but I know certain things about me would not be acceptable to him and vice versa. We seem to do well as friends, though.

  4. Well, regardless how this turn out, you just f*ckin' ROCK because you can brag that you have a friend named "Klaus"! Most people can't say that, and when you tell someone, it makes you sound very "continental", like you run around with jet-setters. Very Posh!



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