Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Not Fit To Drink Beer From

Having seen her skull minus the hair, I don't think it would be a good vessel from which to drink beer. It is rather lumpy and, therefore, not aesthetically pleasing. I'm also sure its volume would be insufficient to hold enough beer to get even me drunk. While it has already contained more than enough of its share of froth, I believe it would probably reject anything dark or deep with flavor. Britney's shorn head has caused quite a stir in the tabloids, sadly, it has proved itself to be a disappointment to beer drinkers and poets everywhere.

Lines Inscribed Upon a Cup Formed from a Skull
by Lord Byron
Newstead Abbey, 1808

Start not --- nor deem my spirit fled;
In me behold the only skull,
From which, unlike a living head,
Whatever flows is never dull.

I lived, I loved, I quaff'd, like thee:
I died: let earth my bones resign;
Fill up --- thou canst not injure me;
The worm hath fouler lips than thine.

Better to hold the sparkling grape,
Than nurse the earth-worm's slimy brood;
And circle in the goblet's shape
The drink of gods, than reptile's food.

Where once my wit, perchance, hath shone,
In aid of others' let me shine;
And when, alas ! our brains are gone,
What nobler substitute than wine ?

Quaff while thou canst: another race,
When thou and thine, like me, are sped,
May rescue thee from earth's embrace,
And rhyme and revel with the dead.

Why not ? Since through life's little day
Our heads such sad effects produce;
Redeem'd from worms and wasting clay,
This chance is theirs, to be of use.


  1. I hear that skulls are actually not watertight due to the little space left 'tween the sutures (the little sqiggly lines where the plates of the skull come together).

    what IS this bald shit anyway? She's already shown off her bald beaver, so now it's her head? Seriously, was there any justification for doing this-- like a kid she knows has cancer or it's a symbol of mourning or she's converted to Buddhism or she's Sinead O'Connor's new lover or WHAT??

  2. BESIDES, when you DO drink from someone's skull, you REALLY mean you're drinking from their ceranium, right? You'd need a straw to drink from the foramen magnum, otherwise the liquid would all spill out the nasal and orbital bones when you tilted the skull forward to get yer lips round the F.M.

    Now you got me thinking of how exactly one WOULD effectively drink from Brittney's bald skull.

  3. Thanks Big Orange, I think I'm going be sick now.


  4. mine goodwife got angry at me this AM for discussing the finer points of skull drinking. she thought it gross, too, and was COMPLETELY unimpressed when i told her about the poem.


  5. Elizabeth-- don't forget we'd WASH THE SKULL OUT and let it dry before drinking out of it!! I mean, really, HOW gross do you think we IS??

  6. No one will recall when Ozzy Osbourne did the same thing. After that he checked into rehab and came out a changed man. It was a spiritual and emotional cleansing that he was looking for, and I suspition that was what Britney was looking for. A new begining. A fresh start. I, myself, have done this several times in my life and always found it to be refreshing. I don't exspect to get my face on the tabloids for it, but I know for a God-given fact that my skull will make a wonderful stein when I am gone and I exspect all you f*ckers to have a big old swig from it. Cheers!



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