Thursday, April 12, 2007

A Place in this World

*(EDITOR'S NOTE: This post was written prior to the one below it, "A Rough Patch", and it should be pointed out that the Author was under heavy medication, as well as being mildly drunk. Please note the change in tone that the author uses as compared to other posts that this author has been contributing for some time now. That is all. Ed.)*

Tonight I joined the local Moose Lodge. This was a whole new experience for me. I have never been much of a “joiner”, and have always steered clear of any organization that had more than three members, other than the Boy Scouts, which I had a brief affiliation with when I was young. I am not, as a rule, a social person. Most of the known world can piss up a rope for all I care. People, I find, are inconvenient. They are great when you have a project at hand and need many people to fill the ranks, such as building a pyramid, but not convenient when you need to get somewhere in a hurry, as they tend to block your path, doing 25 mph and talking to their hard-of-hearing Grandma and/or drug dealer on their cell phones as they blast their rotten music so loud that the person three blocks from them can feel the beat.

People, as a rule, are inconvenient.

I have often considered the concept of how many people this world needs. I mean really, there is just enough room for so many. It turns out that there is room in Montana and in Costa Rica, but prime real estate is filling up fast. My own conclusion, and give this some thought and get back to me, is that the world needs as many people as the stores I go to. I need people enough to help me find the goods and services I need, someone to ring me up (as I am way too dumb to steal), and a handful of friends that I can enjoy my life with. Anyone else can find the rope I mentioned earlier.

This may seem callous, but if you feel that way, did I mention the rope? Think about it. If every Rat-Bastard that YOU had to deal with on a daily basis suddenly moved to Costa Rica, wouldn’t YOUR stress levels go down? No more traffic on the freeway, no more waiting in line, no more agonizing over that job interview, as every asshole for a thousand miles had left the country and all the good paying jobs had been left for YOU and YOURS?

With this in my mind, is it a wonder that I joined a group that is international?

Needless to say, I am not a “joiner”, but the Moose Lodge needs a guy like me; if for no other reason than to serve good draft beer for a buck a glass, and in six months, I’ll take ‘em over.



  1. i was mentioning this to thine goodwife just the other night, when she mentioned the cheap beer and ability to smoke indoors-- a rarity in Ohio, I understand?

    I can dig this, totally, as some time ago I let my membership lapse to the Knights of Columbus (as I no longer find myself Catholic) and have contemplated finding another society to join. I'm 100% behind you and more on the rope biz, but as I realized that other than Knights meetings, I've not been out in the company of other adults in the three years of our being here in the Sunshine state... Well, hell, them Moosies ain't lookin' too bad.

    Besides, their retirement home is 3 miles from our apartment.

  2. Oh, lettuce not forget Sartre (who often had to fartre) in HIS quote:

    "hell is other people."


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