What We Do in Case of an EMERGENCY

Flannery wakes me up to tell me we have a tornado warning in our area and we need to prepare for the coming disaster. She gets the kids into the basement and calls her mother. I go out to the lodge and have a beer and a smoke. She gets off the phone with her mother and ends the call with a teary "I love you Mom", and then calls Elizabeth. I go get the two emergency-only flashlights only to find the kids have gotten ahold of them and the batteries are dead. Oh well, the Spongebob flashlight will have to do because we have batteries that will fit it. While Flannery paces back and forth in her hot pink nightie that says "wild child" in black script across her bosom and tells Elizabeth about her new job search, I run down the supply list.

I find my shoes and one sock and head out to the Jeep and get the first-aid kit. It is a nice one and is supplied with everything you could possible need, short of major surgery. I have an 11 pack of beer and most of 2 packs of smokes. Not as much as I would like, but I'm sure the Red Cross guys will have more. I find the machete, in case we have to cut our way out of the rubble, but I can't find the keys to the gun cabinet. How the Hell am I supposed to chase off looters if I can't even get to the 12 gauge? Crap! Well we have lots of canned food that opens with a pull top, which is good, because I haven't seen the can opener in weeks since Flannery gave it to the girls "to entertain them". Cooking the food should be no problem, as someone is going to get their house flattened anyway, and I'm sure the won't mind if a friendly neighbor helps with the clean up by swiping some loose wood from the wreck that was their dream house to cook some pork and beans. So supplies are procured and just before I head down into the basement I have one more little task to take care of. I check the chemicals in the hot tub and make sure they are just right, 'cause I know when this is over I'm going to want a nice long soak.

Long story short, we watched Spongebob on t.v. and no tornado, not even a rain drop, but it is good to know that we are prepared.

Doc