Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The Red And Blue Lights Behind You Mean A Sense Of Humor, Pull Over!

I have just seen "Hot Fuzz". It was very funny. On that note, let me contribute an E-mail sent to me by my sister. I have no way of checking the credibility of any of this, but damn, it is funny.

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 2700 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
If this is any help, good luck.


  1. Outstanding Doc! I have seen that list go around a few times but always chuckle at it.

  2. Hey, sorry to crash in on an unrelated post, but seeing as we were talking about Hot Fuzz over in my neck of the woods, I felt not like a complete dookie for doing so.

    Saw that you had adopted actor Denholm Elliott. I added you to an adoption roster here.

    I'd love to see a post in which you sing the praises of Mr. Elliott, why you adopted him, etc.

    Okay, so ends my annoying intrusion.

    Thank ye kindly.

  3. I saw Hot Fuzz when it was out and loved it. I now want to see the dvd again and go back and Shaun of the Dead myself as well.


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