Tuesday, August 28, 2007
A Well Placed Insult or Language You Need To Add, part one
I would like to believe that people don't really want to hurt each other, and that the time and situation that this thought would ever cross your mind would never come up, but just in case, let me present: HOW TO SWEAR LIKE A NOBLE OF THE DARK AGES.
It is very simple. I provide three lists of words and you choose your favorites and combine them into a one-two-three punch of medieval insults. Leave coworkers baffled at your intellect. Leave the Boss wondering why you don't have his job by now. Leave the room in a huff with a great exit line. Make women want you and men will want to be like you. Quickly swipe a leadership role at your next gathering by whipping one of these choice gems on the first person who suggests something you don't want to do.
The possibilities are endless, so let's get started. It is easy. Start with the word "Thou", after that add one from list one, followed by one from list two, and finish with one from list three, and you are finished. Instant mind-boggling insult.
artless, bawdy, beslubbering, bootless, churlish, cockered, clouted, craven, currish, dankish, dissembling, droning, errant, fawning, fobbing, etc.
List Two- base-court, bat-fowling, beef-witted, beetle-headed, boil-brained, clapper-clawed, clay-brained, common-kissing, crook-pated, dismal-dreaming, dizzy-eyed, doghearted, dread-bolted, earth-vexing, elf-skinned, etc.
List Three- apple-john, baggage, barnacle, bladder, boar-pig, bugbear, bum-bailey, canker-blossom, clack-dish, clotpole, coxcomb, codpiece, death-token, dewberry, flap-dragon, etc.
These are but a few, but with a little practice you can expand the list to something that suits your lifestyle and circumstance. For example: it would be easy to scream down any rampant Republican with the statement "George W. Bush is a cockered bat-fowling canker-blossom", etc., etc., al. Whip these on your friends and neighbors and watch yourself become the envy of some, and the desire of many.
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TO FULFILL A COURT ORDER FROM THE LICKING COUNTY COURT IN REGARDS TO A MINOR INFRACTION BY DOC. PLEASE DON'T USE THE ABOVE PROVIDED AT ANY "RENFAIR", AS MOST OF THESE FOLKS SPEAK THIS WAY ONE MONTH OUT OF EVERY YEAR AND CARRY SWORDS. THAT IS ALL.