Monday, January 28, 2008

Warning: You May Have A Lurker On Your Blog.

Could you have a lurker on your blog? When you sign in do you get the sneaking suspicion that someone has been perusing your latest entry and not said anything in the comments, even though they always have something engaging to say? As the screen pops up, do you notice a shadow skulking amongst your blog roll? Well then you may have a lurker. I know. I have one myself, and rather then inspiring paranoia, I find it deeply comforting.

I have a regular reader that lurks here at our little cyber-bar and for the most part chooses to remain silent, but that is alright, as it gives me a sense of being watched over and protected from the slings and arrows that some callous commenter might leave.

My lurker has a name. A name that inspires fear and awe in all who know this mischievous knave. He makes all the bad guys that James Bond ever faced look like a three fingered epileptic pickpocket. His name is Evil Genius, and someday he will rule the world. I'm lucky because I have gotten on his good side, sort of, if only by extension. This cold blooded Arch Villain has a soft spot for Flannery, and when the revolution comes and he ascends to his rightful position of power, I know that Flan and I won't have to stand by the wall with a bandanna and a Marlboro. We get a pass. I can only hope you will be so lucky.

So to give you all a chance to escape the horrible wrath of this beloved tyrant (he truly is beloved by all of his inner circle, just ask GetkristiLove) let us assume that he has completed his Doomsday device (weather controller, nukes, poison gas, cornered the world market on Diet Coke and condoms, etc.) and he has given you the chance to save your meagre life by composing a new national anthem for him or face your own painful demise. What would you write? Here is a small offering to get you started, but mind you I have no musical talent whatsoever, so don't count on this to keep you from being drawn and quartered. (Sung to the tune of a college fight song.)
Evil, Evil, Evil, Evil Genius,
All hail to thee,
Evil, Evil, Evil Genius,
Through His kindness we all are free!

Long live Evil Genius,
His beneficence toward us all,
For without it,
We must surely fall!
(Oh Vey!)

Beware all you traitors,
Ye enemies of the state,
You may lay your plans in secret,
While the Master baits!
(Yeehaw!)

I'm not sure the above would keep any of us out of the gulag, but you get the idea. Remember, you are writing for your life here so no amount of, "Hangman, Hangman, stay your hand awhile, I think I see my sister coming, riding many a mile" is going to save you, so be creative and start making lists of friends and neighbors that you can turn in to the secret police when they come knocking.

Doc

10 comments:

  1. Thank you, kind sir. When the revolution does come be assured that the anthem will indeed contain both "oi vay" and "yee haw!"

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  2. I have a few lurkers myself. I'm always trying to lure Mr. Genius to my spot, too.

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  3. Please forgive my poor musical talents. The "oi vay" and "Yee haw" were supposed to be placeholders and nothing more. My musical talent had to drag herself off to work today, hence the paltry song before you. Those were meant to be removed in editing, but the editor went with the musical talent. My apologies.

    Doc

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  4. I wanna heah that song as a podcast. right away.

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  5. lol... "Diet Coke and condoms"

    Add some Mentos and you're in for one hell of a good time.

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  6. The Evil Genius
    harbinger of smarts and Smiths
    his baldness woos me

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  7. Us lurkers are quiet folk, but always thinking. The most interesting people at the party or bar are always on the edge of the room.

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  8. here's a quote you can use; speak it with a heavy New Yawk accent:

    "WELL SWEET TY-DE-BOWL JESUS SKIPPIN' ON THE BLUE WATER! WE WOULDN'T WANT IT TO GET FUCKIN' WEIRD NOW, WOULD WE?!"

    ---Christopher Moore
    "A Dirty Job"

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  9. Nice work Doc. Your "poor musical talents" far exceed my own.

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  10. Beth- Try a Smiths post. That might lure him in.

    BSUWG- My, that does sound like a good time!

    GkL- I think we are all wooed by his baldness. After all, bald is beautiful and is a sign of verility.

    Artful Dodger- Thanks for dropping in, and yes, the most interesting people are always at the fringe of the party. I look for you there.

    Pezda's Ghost- Glad to see you are resurrected and poking around blogdom. Drop by any time.

    Doc

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