Friday, June 06, 2008

"Every Egg's Dream"

There is a billboard by my house that shows a picture of an egg. There is a cartoon "thought balloon" above the egg that shows a hot and fresh Ham, Egg, & Cheese McMuffin. The caption reads, "Every Egg's Dream."

Call me nit picky. Call me crazy. Hell, call me a drunken nutcase with too much time on his hands, but this just bothers me to no end. It is not every egg's dream to be a fast-food breakfast sandwich. It is every egg's dream to be a chicken, preferably a chicken that is well fed and lives to a ripe old age and dies in his/her sleep.

I simply cannot accept that any egg dreams of being cooked and served with greasy hash browns in some "top o' the morning" value meal. It would have had to enter this world with some pretty low self esteem issues to desire this. Not to mention that it would have to be filled with such self-loathing that it was looking for someone to blame, to the point that it became anti-Semitic. After all, it is looking forward to meeting it's demise only to be joined with ham and cheese on a limp English muffin. It is as if the McDonald's Corporation expects us to believe that they have been interviewing chickens and their findings have lent conclusive proof that chickens are doubly damned, being both flightless and tasty, and they have given up all hope.

Am I out of my flipping mind here?



  1. It's a well known fact that chicken shamans have, over the millenia, brainwashed all chickens into believing that there is a chicken afterlife, and that the only way to achieve this poultry Valhalla is to be eaten by humans. Being on an Egg McMuffin is sort of the golden chariot into the stars for them. The fact that an egg dreams it is proof that the chicken shamans have indoctrinated their young.

    Of course the chicken shamans were themselves brainwashed thousands of years ago by the ageless and mysterious Hamburger Clown Cult, because chickens are stupid.

    And delicious.

  2. This reminds me of the time I was school shopping for first grade and I promised my runner-up choice for my school bag that I would buy it next year.

    Don't want to be heartless, but I don't think an egg has feelings, thoughts, or aspirations. It's a little hard to credit chickens having much in the way of those things, even, let alone eggs. Though now I'm thinking about how every egg I eat is an egg that will never get to be a chicken. I may have to change my plans for dinner...

  3. I don't think you're crazy. It's not every eggs dream to be a ham & cheese McMuffin - now if it were bacon on the other hand...

  4. Doc, you are a drunken nutcase with too much time on his hands. Ok, maybe you're not but you did tell us to call you that. (Exact words, Greg!)

    Nonetheless, these are just the sort of questions that plague me as well. We are going to get along just fine.

  5. Hey, you may be a drunken nutcase, but you're definitely on the right track here.

    The egg can only dream if it came before the chicken, and the order has yet to be established.

  6. i have seen that billboard as well, ironically it kinda took my appetite away


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