Thursday, June 05, 2008

Prayers And Poems


Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.


I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
The End


A special thanks to Cap'n Ergo for this little piece. He is always good about sending this sort of thing my way. It reminds me of two other poems.


The Man's Prayer:

I'm a man,

And I can change,

If I have to,

I guess.



A Toast:

I met the perfect girl,

I could not ask for more,

She's deaf and dumb,

And oversexed,

And owns a liquor store.


If you have any poems/limericks/or toasts that you would like to share, please pass them along. Any contribution gets a doodle of his/her choice to be published with their quote. Cheers!



  1. Wow, it would be really nice if there were a little less truth in these.

  2. She don't need to own no golf course as far as *I'm* concerned, but it WOULD be helpful if she'd clear some clutter out of the litter box room so I can move MY crap in there.

    Good grief! Did I just say that?!

  3. I'll give it a go Doc:

    A fart it is a pleasant thing,
    It gives the belly ease,
    It warms the bed in winter,
    And suffocates the fleas.

    A fart can be quiet,
    A fart can be loud,
    Some leave a powerful,
    Poisonous cloud

    A fart can be short,
    Or a fart can be long,
    Some farts have been known
    To sound like a song......

    A fart can create
    A most curious medley,
    A fart can be harmless,
    Or silent , and deadly.

    A fart might not smell,
    While others are vile,
    A fart may pass quickly,
    Or linger a while......

    A fart can occur
    In a number of places,
    And leave everyone there,
    With strange looks on their faces.

    From wide-open prairie,
    To small elevators,
    A fart will find all of us
    Sooner or later.

    But farts are all bad,
    Is simply not true-
    We must never forget.......
    Sweet old farts like you!


Write your beer-fueled ravings here...