A Few More Random Thoughts...

I just can't stop my mind from wandering where it will go.

• I don't want to come across a cold-blooded, but the school zone thing is out of hand. I have kids, and it makes perfect sense to slow down to 20 mph around a grade school or a middle school, but a high school? If my kid makes it all the way to high school and doesn't have enough God-given sense to not play in the road, maybe they deserve to get hit. That's not an accident. That's natural selection.


• At our house, we don't refer to them as genitals, it is called a "detail". It started when my oldest was a child and I was coaching Flannery through a particularly disgusting diaper change. She was getting ready to fasten the new diaper into place when I wanted to point out that there was still a small section that needed to be cleaned and I faltered when I wanted to call it by name and the only thing that came to mind were vulgar euphemisms, like the kind you hear in a locker room or an adult movie. I blurted out, "You forgot to clean her detail!" The name stuck.


• I blame my poor posture on a bad sledding accident I had as a teen. The truth is it comes from being hunched over this computer as much as I can.


• I won't eat pancakes anymore. As a kid that was my Dad's favorite and most every Sunday Mom made them just for him. Barring that, we went to the House Of Pancakes. They had a twenty-foot tall cowboy out front that was fun to climb on. Not only that, they also had a syrup steward that went from table to table recommending the best syrup for your particular pancakes. I thought they might be a good job for me when I grew up, but no such luck. The place folded after a few years and the cowboy was sold to Rod's Western Wear on State Route 40.


• Boxers or Briefs? I can never decide. I enjoy the support of the briefs, but also the freedom of the boxer. Weird ain't it?


• I tried out for the wrestling team in High School, but that ended abruptly. One of the exercises was to have one guy curl up in a fetal position on his knees while the other guy laid on top of him and used his legs to spin around and around on top of him. After two minutes of this I yelled, "That's enough! I feel like the girl at the bottom of the orgy!" Even the coach laughed. My buddy explained that they were also going to practice the "Hershey highway" move. "What's that?" I inquired. "It's when the guy has you really pinned and you shove your finger in his ass to break his concentration and try to squirm away." I quit then and there. This was all too Greco-Roman for me.


• I shot a Stop sign once because I was offended that someone felt like they had the right to tell me what to do. Six neat holes through the "O" from forty feet. After that, I stopped.


• Have you ever made a meal out of unripe field corn? If you catch it early enough, it is tender and sweet.


• I have spent quite a bit of time "killing time", but it is one of the few truly undead things I could name. No amount of holy water, wooden stakes, or garlic will work.


• The song "Dixie" was a show tune written by a Northern who had never been down south.


• We took a lot of land from the Native Americans, but they got their revenge. R. J. Reynolds and Philip Morris saw to that. And just to seal the deal, they sell tax free cigarettes on the reservation, right next to the casino.


• I am not squeamish, but for some reason I can't look at a jar of Marcchino cherries for too long without feeling sick. Is that odd?


• Blowing Shit Up With Gas is a frequent visitor here to our little cyber-bar, and I often wonder, with gas a $4 a gallon, wouldn't gunpowder be cheaper? I'm hoping he can get away for the Fourth of July so we can make some impressive home-made fireworks for the neighbors to witness. In my youth, I made quite a few, but it takes two sets of hands to do it, and you don't want someone inexperienced or a heavy smoker. Or someone who can't run fast.


• As a child, I was embarrassed by my dimples, so I tried not to smile. Maybe that is why I enjoy humor so much, as I'd much rather picture your smile than show you mine. I'm funny that way.

Doc