Tallywhackers, just because it is fun to say

This is a joke that you probably heard in the third grade, but on the slim chance you haven't heard it, or would just like to revisit those bygone days when this was risque, here you go.

These two guys have enormous pricks, and they decide after a night drinking to see who has the longer Johnson, if for no other reason than bragging rights. So they go to the Golden Gate bridge and unfurl them and see who's penis is the longest.

The first guy steps to the guardrail and spends a good ten minutes easing his huge schlong over the side. The second guy takes fifteen minutes to unravel his gargantuan pecker.

In a drunken boast the first guy says, "Wow! The water sure is cold!"

Not to be outdone, the second one says, "Yeah, and deep too!"

What can I say? I'm not above a bad dick joke. Sue me. And If you thought that was bad, wait till you try this old retread.

A guy goes to a whorehouse and requests the ugliest, nastiest hooker they have. The madam obliges and shows him to room number five with the assurance that Gertrude can satisfy any of his desires. He goes in and here is Gertrude reclining on the bed and she looks like eight miles of bad road. A shit fence would be prettier, and probably shapelier. "Anything special you want honey?" she asks with a gravely voice as she stubs out her cigarette. "No, nothing unusual, just the standard missionary and I would like to get this over quickly if you don't mind," he stammers as he undresses and approaches the bed. She explains that, for the sake of safety, he will have to tie a 2x4 to his waist to prevent him from falling in. He considers it for a moment and then complies and proceeds to do what he came here for. But in his eagerness to get started, he tied the knots poorly and his 2x4 falls off right before a forward thrust and he finds himself falling into blackness. He lands with a thud and is disoriented by the dark. He gets on hands and knees and crawls towards what he thinks is the exit, but as he is feeling his way along he touches another hand and recoils with a shout. "It's okay buddy," the voice in the dark tries to reassure him,"I'm looking for the way out too." "What a relief, we can work together to find our way out!" says the first guy. "Hell," says the second guy, "if you've got some matches, we can find the keys and drive the truck out!"

Truly tasteless I know. What can I say? It was a slow day.

Doc