Thursday, September 11, 2008

Your Starter Kit

Mankind has been living for quite some time, but bad shit still happens. Sure, we've learned to cure some diseases, gone to the moon, and moved a little closer to making things better. We don't have the plague anymore, and we have almost eradicated slavery. But the truth of the matter is bad shit still happens.

I'm certain you need no reminder of the date, so I won't touch on it, but bad shit doesn't always come in big packages. WW II was bad shit in a big package, but most people know bad shit in smaller packages, and on a much more "at home" basis. Lost keys, lost job, lost loved one, lost "last chance" are just a few that occur to me.

I have a friend of mine going through a tough time now and he feels like he has hit a wall, and it has bothered me for a couple of days that I can't think of one single thing to say or do to help him, and it tears me up. I can't muster up anything but reassuring words, and a fat lot of good that is going to do. I have prayed for him, but I don't kid myself into thinking that I carry much sway with the Big Guy, and I'm sure they both have a lot on their plate now.

So I started thinking about what would help alleviate the problem of bad shit, and it came to me. What life really needs is a starter kit. It could be the kind of thing that is given at baby showers, weddings, graduations, retirements, christenings, birthdays, or any occasion where there might be cake. It could be personalized, come in a variety of colors and scents, and be tailored to the person, but each would come with at least five basic things:

A BOOK: Your choice, but with any luck, it will be the one that has a great amount of wisdom in it and will be of some use to you when you need it.

First Aid Kit with Flashlight: There are a lot of bumps and bruises out there and sometimes you need a little light to avoid them.

A Camera and a "How to Improve Your Memory" tape: To record the good times.

A Sturdy, But Compact Snow Shovel:
A sturdy shovel because sometimes the shit gets deep, and a compact one because it has to travel well. You never know where you are going to have to dig your way out. I've seen some nice folding ones in a camping catalog.

Cold Beer:
You have got to have something to cut the dust while using the other four.

In the immortal words of Red Green, "I'm pullin' for you, and we are all in this together."



  1. And maybe, as they recommend in the Hitchhiker's Guide, a towel.

  2. I personally know a FEW friends who are in a tight spot, myself amongst them!! I think this is an excellent idea! I would ask, though, can we choose the BEER as WELL as the book?

    And Blowing Shit Up has a point: everyone should know where their towel is (I'm in favour of Rooster's towel, which had not only vitamin B and C complexes in one end, but blobs of BBQ sauce and antidepressants in the other end)

  3. #1- I have so very little to offer, but you are welcome to it.

    BSUWG- Lord, how could I have forgoten the towel? Maybe a flowered one from Marks & Spenser.

    Cap'n Ergo- Of course you can pick the beer, and a towel with antidepressants sounds nice.


  4. I remember when my starter kit used to include a condom. Times have changed, eh?!


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