Sunday, November 09, 2008

A Question Of Anatomy

I have a question that seems to fall a little out of the realm of my expertise so I feel compelled to turn to you, my Brain Trust, to help me find this answer. Mostly this question is directed to the male readers, but ladies feel free to chime in with your observations.

A while back at Tiki, we were having a conversation about sex and one of the girls expressed with concern the fact that her husband had one testicle that hung lower than the other. John reassured her that this was normal and that all guys have one that hangs lower than the other, always on the left, and not only that, but a man's entire "package" naturally hangs to the left. No one had the chance to challenge him on this statement as the conversation quickly veered in another direction, and the opportunity to ask him where he got this information has not presented itself since then.

This made me wonder.

So I tried to research this a little bit so I could satisfy my curiosity without the embarrassment of asking someone, but my research is scanty and inconclusive.

Mind you, my research includes all of fifteen minutes of reading on Wikipedia and my own personal experience. The reputation of this great online fountain of knowledge I have no reason to doubt, while my own personal experience has frequently been called into question by several competent lawyers in front of a jury of my peers, so my personal experience is considered null and void and will be stricken from the record as inadmissible.

I consulted three different articles from Wikipedia and found this under testicle, (which is oddly enough named after a Roman law. It turns out testicle is a witness) "In mammals with external testicles it is most common for one testis to hang lower than the other. It is estimated that in about 65% of men the lower hanging testicle is the left one. This is due to differences in the vascular anatomical structure on the right and left sides." So according to this, John was 65% correct that it is always the left testicle that hangs lower, but it is the other half of his statement true too?

I have read that women often have one breast that is larger than the other, and while this is a topic that I am much more knowledgeable on and might be able to at least cite a few examples, in the interest of scientific inquiry, I count myself out. (That and I want these women to continue to accept my phone calls)

I always assumed that it was determined by handedness, just as your dominant hand has a bigger arm because it gets more use, but in the case of breasts, or a man's entire "package" that argument just doesn't hold water. Most people are right handed, while about 8-15% of people are left-handed, so that means that only 8-15% of people would have a larger right breast or their "package" would lean to the right? Somehow that doesn't seem right.

The two gentlemen pictured above don't resolve this much either. The hideless dude at the top has an overall lean to the right and is holding the knife that he has just skinned himself with in his left hand, but his left ball looks like it is hanging lower. Perhaps this is just a trick of the light and maybe his slightly raised left leg is influencing his "hang", I don't know. Da Vinci's David is no help. Here again, the left arm is holding something while his right arm is at his side suggesting that David is left handed. David's "package" is centered while his left nut is the one closest to his knees, but he isn't standing straight up either. All of his weight is shifted to his right leg. Here again, no help.

I can't think of any other research I could do on this topic that wouldn't involve bail, so I have decided to pose this question to you, Dear And Gentle Reader, and ask you to join my poll. What is your dominant hand? Does the testicle on that side hang lower than the other? Is that the same side as your larger or smaller breast? Does your entire manly "package" favor one side or the other? Please, no graphic details, we are just looking for left or right answers here. The option to publish anonymously is enabled and feel free to use it.

So how about it? Which way do you lean?


***Editor's Note*** The author of the above article was mildly to reasonably drunk at the time and has a long record of drinking beer on the job. He blames it on a highly sensitive vascular anatomical structure, whatever that is. Also, if for some bizarre reason you would want to skin yourself like the dude in the top picture, the author would suggest picking a different knife. Apparently no one skins with a dagger anymore, and it is considered a major breach of etiquette in most circles. The Editor would like to defend the inclusion of these two pictures of unclothed men, as the charter of this site has a very strict "No Nudity" policy, but the Editor feels that as these are obviously well established examples of art, no violation of that policy has occurred. If you don't think this is art, ask Da Vinci or Dale, but I would start with Dale first, as Da Vinci doesn't answer his emails. The author has been watching quite a bit of Mythbusters and decided that this would be a good time to make a quick stab at science and see what we learn. The Editor regrets that they are unable to install one of those handy survey widgets that Bub's uses all the time, but the entire IT staff for SZ; tcob left for Nashville this morning and the Editor is ill prepared to figure it out himself. The author is also assuming that you have the original equipment that you started with. Just like Barry Bonds, your record will be noted, but augmentations won't be considered. The entire staff at SZ; tcob would like to assure it's Dear And Gentle Readers that this will not be a subject that will be returned to, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. You know, for science.


  1. One boob is always bigger than the other.


  2. To the right.

    For science.

    Also, pretty sure that's Michaelangelo's David.

  3. I should really drink less when I'm trying to write. This post sounded so much better after a six pack.

    #1- Yes but which one? is it the same as your dominant hand?

    err- Thank you for chiming in for Science. And yes, it is Michaelangelo's David. What the hell, I knew it was an Italian guy right?


  4. Doc, dominant hand is right.....bigger boob other side. If your looking at me it would be right....but me looking down it's left. lol

    Now, about the hanging left thing.......If I ask Big f if I can check it out....he will once again tell me that I will go to any length to get laid.

    It's true.


  5. I think your left beer is hanging lower than your right one Doc, you're a two fisted drinker right?

  6. Varicocele. I've got it, and so did Hitler. It changes your hanginess. So far I haven't started a war, and I think there may be some other differences as well. Actually, I'm counting on it.

  7. To the right.

    I wonder if it's determined by the side of the brain you use the most???

  8. I vaguely remember a study that was done years ago that claimed the larger side is determined by which parent is the dominating influence during the developmental years. If your right side is larger, your mother was the stronger influence. If your left side is larger, your father was the stronger influence.

    This could be a bunch of crap, who knows?!

  9. at this time of year, though Doc, in cold weather, all men are created equal and I don't think ANYTHING is hangin' anyWHERE.

    Not usually.


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