Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Are You Looking For Love?

Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Searching the eyes of too many faces? Perhaps this is for you.

While reading a review for a book my pal Vikkitickitavi recommended, I stumbled across an ad for a matrimonial site for those of the Muslim faith. Now Dear and Gentle Reader, you know I am at heart a die-hard romantic and have a soft spot a mile wide. I am the first one to promote a little more love in this world, as we can never have too much of this precious gift and it should be spread far and wide.

But this mail-order bride stuff is just creepy. What kind of woman would just throw her picture and a short bio on the world wide web and expect to find Mr. Right? Even worse, what man would be trolling through these pictures and thinking to himself, "Well, I've narrowed it down to four..." much like he is trying to pick out a decent used car?

I understand that perhaps it is hard for these women to find a perspective mate in their local for whatever reason and they are looking for someone who shares their beliefs, as this is important in any relationship, but to make that your one and only criteria seems a trifle cold-blooded. Are they really considering the biggest choice of their lives in the same manner as a rancher breeding cattle? "Got a pen? Check. Got some feed? Check. Got a bull? Check. Got some heifers? Check. Got a Barry White CD? Check. Well, lets leave them alone for a while and soon we will have more cows."

And it doesn't really matter that this is a site dedicated to Muslims finding a mate. It could be Jews, Christians, huge fans of the rock group Kiss, or model plane enthusiasts who enjoy crock pot cooking, but why narrow it down to one thing and one thing only.

Most of the people who read my blog have a significant other in one form or another (spouse, girl/boyfriend, cohabitant, fuck-buddy, Playboy's Miss November, etc.) and those who don't, I at least get the impression that they would have one if the right one came along. But would anyone of you pick one single, solitary thing as your yardstick of love? I wouldn't and didn't.

I know when I was still in the market for a soul mate, I had a long list of criteria that had to be met and these were things I considered deal-breakers. First off, she had to be a girl. I don't want to sound hard hearted, but I considered that a deal breaker. I'm always in the market to make a good friend, but when it comes to soul mate, she had to be a girl. My taste just runs that way. Second, she had to be smart, because if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I've got to be able to talk to them at some point and not have to pull out flashcards. Third, and I know this sounds shallow, but she had to be beautiful. I don't think anyone sets out looking for the ugliest son-of-a-bitch they can find and says, "I'm going to make her mine forever!" After all, you have to consider the fact that at some point you might want to mingle the gene pool, and an ugly mate might be bad, but you wouldn't wish for ugly kids too would you? Fourth, she had to have personality, as I'm not looking for a mate with a pull string in her back. I'm looking for fun, exciting, vivacious, effervescent, not a wallflower that mumbles. Fifth, we had to have similar world views. I'm sure someone out there is looking for a racist, agnostic, argumentative tea-totaling prude who has no sense of humor and enjoys long walks by active volcanoes, as well as Tijuana donkey shows and slasher films, but not me.

Now my list of criteria goes on, but I think religion would come under the heading of similar world views, and while I would consider this a deal breaker, you will note that it didn't come at the top of the list.

What were you looking for when you met that certain some one? Did you start out with one thing in mind? (Other than the obvious, "getting your rocks off.") I'm sure there was at least three things you were looking for, so what were they? I'd like to know.



  1. I started off with quite a list of qualities. After being shot down so much the list dwindled down to she must have body heat...

  2. I'm sorry, I was doin' fine until I got to the bottom and then Dr. Hook's song about some men needin' some killah weed and all that to get my rocks off just sort of made my mind wander off...

    I think there's some intelligence to that, SkyDad-- if *I* lived in a snow pile in CO I'd sho'nuff want me someone who produced a lot of heat!!

  3. I was not looking when I met Big F. We met, hung out with a group of friends for over a year and then went on a cruise....the rest is history.

    He is big, mean looking and certainly not what I ever pictured myself with. After the 1st husband, I was fine alone.

    Big F is fun, we laugh over dumb shit, he lets me, be me. I am glad I get to spend this half of my life with him.

    Wait, I didnt answer your question, did I? lol

  4. I'd say "Not Crazy", but that would be like a girl wanting a guy who wasn't a "Dog".

  5. Thanks for the link.

    Spooney and I met on teh internets. I posted on a site affiliated with The Onion, because I figured if he read The Onion, then I was halfway there.

  6. Two things:

    good vocabulary
    good sense of humour

    And I was lucky enough to find both.

  7. Actually, Catholic was my number one criteria and it's been an important part of my relationship with EG, but so is intelligence, sense of humor, love of music, similar backgrounds, both enjoying Trivial Pursuit, etc.

    Incidentally, I have learned from experience that a shared fondness for Billy Joel isn't nearly enough on which to base a relationship.

  8. Skyler's Dad- I'm with you. I've had dates that would stop a clock, but like my mama always said, "You better shop around"

    #2- Yes, you answered my question perfectly. I'm sure the cruise was a hoot!

    Trooper Thorn- Cazy and not like a dog depends on which end of the binoculars you are looking through. Thanks for dropping by.

    Vikkitickitavi- So not all relationships started on the internet end badly. According to Fox News, they do. I wouldn't have thought to use The Onion as a guideline but with some after-thought that makes perfect sense. And as far as the link goes, I always give a nod where it's due.

    Gifted Typist- "good vocabulary,
    good sense of humour." From a gifted typist, I would have expected no less.

    Red- You have found yourself a GOOD man, (even if he is Evilx3) and from what I hear from the market reports, those are becoming harder and harder to find. Congrats on finding the very last one.



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