Friday, April 17, 2009

So Long Suckers! I'm Outta Here!

Here is my chance to kick the dust of this crummy little country off of my heels! I'm heading out to the land great beer, foxy women, and where they have the good sense to put gravy on fries!

Well, that is assuming that they will have me.

There was that little misunderstanding we had at Niagra Falls that one time, but I swear that was my mother-in-law's marijuana, not mine. And let's not even bring up that time that the same thing happened ten years before. It was a rental car. How was I supposed to know what was in the trunk? Just like I told the nice RCMP, I had no idea that the trunk was full of seventeen pounds/7.73 kgs of weed. I don't even know what a kilogram is. There was also a time when I ran from a nonexistent draft during the first Gulf War. They should print stuff like that in the papers. And I hope no one remembers the couple of times I drunkenly yelled from the roof that maple syrup tastes like shit, moose are only good for one thing: jerky, and hockey is a game for pussies. I take it back. I take it all back.

So I am going to apply for dual citizenship. I know it is going to take some paperwork and a little bit of BS but I think they will let me into the Great White North this time.

How do you say, "Where can I find a good beer around here?" in French?



  1. That picture frightens me. Is it a man? A woman? Who knows. Im a little ascared.


  2. Aww, gravy on fries. I miss me some poutine. Yum and yum!

  3. #2- It's a woman. The male mounties where a different shade of lipstick. It's usually a cold blue.

    Gizmorox- Is there any greater taste in Canadian food? Best eaten with a cold Canadian beer at your elbow.

    Skyler's Dad- I guessed you were the kind of guy who would be packin' two.

    I've watched this video four times and I've noticed something. There is no beer. The maple leaf hat tries too much to steal the performance, and does this guy look just a little too happy to meet the studly hockey player and the mountie first thing in the morning? I think so.


  4. I always thought you were Canadian anyway. You seem happy.

  5. I was listening to a rap song called 'Oh Canada' by Classified and it had me laughing and all patriotic. Come on aboard Doc, we're expecting you.

  6. Let me know how it goes up there. I'm considering a job in Toronto...and I've been to the city before (big, beautiful & I like my cities & my women) but let me know if they find American accents sexy...or reason to stick a hockey stick up your ass. :)

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  8. Hey,Doc, really?
    Just tell them about your like of beer and that should do it for you. They'll speed up the process if you tell them you like hockey. Do let us know.

    How can you do that? Won'tyou lose your US citizenship?

    Is Flanery canadian?

  9. when you track down the paperwork, print out TWO copies and set one aside for me. I'll be o'er with some Molson so we can fill 'em out together.


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