So I Took Your Advice & Now I Need Some More

So I took your advice and started reading some of the blogs that you read and revamped my blogroll to include them. I see these people comment on your blog all the time and you have recommended them on numerous occasions, but I am a bit of a slow learner. I was a bit daunted by the idea of redoing my blogroll, as the last time I did I botched it and it took Flannery an hour or so to set it right. Well this time I did it myself and it seems to be working the way it should.

Over the holidays, blogdom had slowed to a crawl as you all were off enjoying parties, friends and family, and just generally loafing about. So I decided to rustle up a few new reads. I went to your blogroll and started to pull from there, but I think I may have missed a few.

Here is the part where you come in. Take a momment and look over the blogs to the right. Are there some that you would recommend that I have missed? If so, leave me a comment and I'll add them. Writing for you is a hell of a lot of fun for me, but not as much as reading what other's have written, so help out ol' Doc and steer me to the best of what blogdom has to offer.

Cheers,
Doc

Your 4 Minute Dream Team

I'll be honest, I didn't much care for the "4 minutes to save the world" tune when Flannery started to play it in heavy repeat on the iTunes. But like a lot of things, it grows you. Neither Madonna or Justin Timberlake write music with me in mind as their target audience. If they did, there would be a lot more harmonica and banjo with some steel guitar for good measure. But after hearing this over and over, it kind of sounds like a James Bond theme done hip hop/dance music.

I mentioned this to Flannery the other night and it sparked an interesting "What If..." question.

What if you suddenly realize you only have the aforementioned four minutes to save the world and in order to do it you must complete a task. You don't know what the task is and won't know until the clock starts, but you know you can't accomplish it alone. You will have to pick five people to help you with this unknown task. They can be anyone, past or present, famous/infamous, or known only to you. If you fail, the whole world goes up in a puff of Hydrogen, Oxygen, and something that smells faintly like bacon. Whom do you choose?

The clock starts NOW! Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock...

Now let's assume that you know the task, e.g. balance a checkbook, run an obstacle course, defuse a bomb, eat fifty hard boiled eggs, strip naked and paint yourselves chrome, etc. al., would that affect your choices?

"Sometimes I think what I need is a You intervention," so I tag anyone who reads this.

Doc

Warning: You May Have A Lurker On Your Blog.

Could you have a lurker on your blog? When you sign in do you get the sneaking suspicion that someone has been perusing your latest entry and not said anything in the comments, even though they always have something engaging to say? As the screen pops up, do you notice a shadow skulking amongst your blog roll? Well then you may have a lurker. I know. I have one myself, and rather then inspiring paranoia, I find it deeply comforting.

I have a regular reader that lurks here at our little cyber-bar and for the most part chooses to remain silent, but that is alright, as it gives me a sense of being watched over and protected from the slings and arrows that some callous commenter might leave.

My lurker has a name. A name that inspires fear and awe in all who know this mischievous knave. He makes all the bad guys that James Bond ever faced look like a three fingered epileptic pickpocket. His name is Evil Genius, and someday he will rule the world. I'm lucky because I have gotten on his good side, sort of, if only by extension. This cold blooded Arch Villain has a soft spot for Flannery, and when the revolution comes and he ascends to his rightful position of power, I know that Flan and I won't have to stand by the wall with a bandanna and a Marlboro. We get a pass. I can only hope you will be so lucky.

So to give you all a chance to escape the horrible wrath of this beloved tyrant (he truly is beloved by all of his inner circle, just ask GetkristiLove) let us assume that he has completed his Doomsday device (weather controller, nukes, poison gas, cornered the world market on Diet Coke and condoms, etc.) and he has given you the chance to save your meagre life by composing a new national anthem for him or face your own painful demise. What would you write? Here is a small offering to get you started, but mind you I have no musical talent whatsoever, so don't count on this to keep you from being drawn and quartered. (Sung to the tune of a college fight song.)

Evil, Evil, Evil, Evil Genius,

All hail to thee,

Evil, Evil, Evil Genius,

Through His kindness we all are free!

Long live Evil Genius,

His beneficence toward us all,

For without it,

We must surely fall!

(Oh Vey!)

Beware all you traitors,

Ye enemies of the state,

You may lay your plans in secret,

While the Master baits!

(Yeehaw!)

I'm not sure the above would keep any of us out of the gulag, but you get the idea. Remember, you are writing for your life here so no amount of, "Hangman, Hangman, stay your hand awhile, I think I see my sister coming, riding many a mile" is going to save you, so be creative and start making lists of friends and neighbors that you can turn in to the secret police when they come knocking.

Doc

Seven More Things You Don't Know About Me...

Skyler's Dad tagged me for seven things you don't know about me, and I'm not sure that I can compete with his seven, but here goes.

First, the rules: Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog, tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I am a treasure trove of useless information. Not sports stats, or even the kinds of things that would help me win at Trivial Pursuit, nothing even that useful, as these would at least provide me with tools to make good conversation. No, the things I know border on valueless, like the fact that as President, Thomas Jefferson spent $58,000 of his own money on wine, or that Mark Twain blew most of his money on a failed scheme to invent an automatic type-setter for newspapers.


2. I pronounce "newspapers" as "noosepapers".


3. I have eaten hamster food pellets, just to see what they tasted like.


4. I can spit with accuracy up to ten feet.


5. I have never seen the film "Titanic" for the simple fact that I know how it ends, the damn boat goes down.


6. I am constantly going through the house turning off everything electric as this is a bizarre quirk of mine, and I hate the thought of the electric company getting rich off of me.


7. Reading your blogs and writing for mine is my sole hobby, and when I don't keep up with them I am overcome with a crushing sense of remorse. I have often contemplated purchasing one of those "ribbed for her pleasure" condoms and wearing it inside out, just to see what the big deal was. I once tried to learn to play the banjo but gave up after three days as I have no musical talent. As a kid, I used to practise my "quick draw" technique, just in case I was ever called out into the street to shoot it out with a bad guy. I have eaten squid and I was not impressed. I fell twenty feet off a roof once and was uninjured, until the ladder fell on top of me. I carry a switchblade. Name a sport, I suck at it. I once sported a Billy Idol hair in the vain hopes that it would attract "chicks". It didn't, and the chemicals that turned my hair ghost white also removed six layers of my scalp. I have no qualms about drinking yesterdays coffee cold. I don't eat sweets. I have been hunting several times but the only thing I ever killed was a raccoon, and I hit it with my car on accident, then I skinned it and gave the skin as a wedding present. It was well received. I used to wear overalls a lot. I have been out of the country three times and lost something each time; my innocence, a gallon of sweat, and a bandanna that I was very fond of. I like to read philosophy, even if I understand very little of it. I enjoy the musical styling's of Tom Jones, James Brown, and Roy Clark. I have seen a grown, sober man pee on an electric fence because he could.

There you have it. I know these are boring and "run-of-the-mill" answers, but I have lead a boring and sheltered life. As far as who to tag for this meme, I nominate:

1. Beth, at A Cup of Coffey
2. Vikkitickitavi, at Bells On
3. Cooper Green, at Lying Bastard
4. Hot Lemon, at A Twist of Lemon
5. Jason, at Pilgrim's Pub
6. GetkristiLove, at Two Minutes In The Box
7. Dale, at Passion Of The Dale

All of you were chosen under the criteria that: one, you were the most likely to respond, and two, I would love to learn more about you. Thank you Skyler's Dad for including me in another exciting adventure in blogging, and rest assured, if you hadn't tagged me, I would have tagged you. Let the circle be unbroken, by and by Lord, by and by.

Have fun,

Doc

I've Become What I Never Thought I'd Be

I've become what I never thought I'd be: cool. I know, I'm as amazed as you are. But I have it on good authority. A young lady mentioned this to me in an earlier post, and unless I grossly misunderstood, she has nominated me for the realm of cool.

I've spent most of my life being as cool as high-button shoes and a black eye. I had given up on being cool about eighteen years ago. It seemed a safe bet that if I hadn't achieved cool by the ripe old age of eighteen, it just wasn't meant to be. I have grown to accept that, but now I am suddenly thrown back into the ring and I am a little startled to find myself in this position. I don't know what to do.

Sure, my kids think I'm cool, but honestly, how hard is it to convince a 3 and a 5 year old that you are cool? A few funny faces now and then, build some blanket forts, make some noodles, and explain how to drive responsibly while doing it and you are a shoe-in.

My wife thinks I'm cool, but that is only because she has to. No one wants to admit that they married a totally uncool life-partner and they kept them around for ten years because they could sew on a loose button and light the pilot light when it went out.

No one else thinks I'm cool other than my brother-in-law. He started out with very low expectations of me, and I've managed to live up to them.

Now in order to defend my new found position, I am obliged to verify the credentials of my source. I list them in no particular order: she has her finger on the pulse of the nation's political scene like no one I know. (cool) She is a vegan. (cool) She lives in California. (cool, but only if you like that sort of thing) She has a biting wit. (very cool) She comes from America's heartland. (kind of a John Mellencamp kind of cool) She smokes and drinks. (cool) She has a sister that plays hockey like Gretzky. (when looking at cool, it is best to hold them up against their peers, just to see if they pass muster, and they both do) She has a "bad boy" boyfriend that goes by the super cool street name of Spooney. (ubercool) I'm sure there are other things that I can't think of now, but I believe the list is complete enough to demonstrate that the young lady knows cool when she sees it.

Now that I have established her credentials, let me provide you with her statement. It reads as follows: "Doc, I think you underestimate the value of merely knowing that someone like you, who likes to sit in the hot tub, and tell stories about kids in junkyards, and writes kick-ass punch lines about nougat, and apparently speaks Klingonese, and compares himself to Alice Cooper of all people, is out there. I am very very happy to know that you are out there. Plus, you believe in God in a way that seems very cool and dignified. And these days I have to remind myself that that is even possible anymore."

The only correction that I could add to this would be that I don't know any Klingon, but Flannery can carry on a simple conversation in it, even though she sounds like she has a bad chest cold and is trying to move some phlegm. I'll own up to the hot tub, the junkyard, the kick-ass punch lines, Alice Cooper, and God. (there is a sentence I never thought I'd see in print) I can honestly say, without any reservation, that I have never been accused of being cool or dignified before. Also, I have never been known to spread any happiness, other than by my absence.

There you have it, in it's entirety. And now that I find myself amongst the cool, I can begin to ask for things that most people don't get, such as cutting in line, a really good parking space, and answers to my questions, like what makes you cool, or, who is the coolest person you know?

Please respond with haste. Cool people hate to wait, or so I'm told.

Doc

Caption This Photo Contest

Caption this photo. Best Entry gets a plaque/seal of their own that will be hung up here at the bar for the rest of the year. Multiple entries are encouraged.

Here are a few to get you started:

"Well, at least he remembered his bumberchute and aluminum foil"

or

"I'm not coming down until Thatcher is out of office!"

or

"Hey Maggie, I think the drugs just kicked in!"

Doc

Great, Huge, Pendulous Breasts

Good. Now that I have your attention, I'd like to talk about the future. Not the future like tomarrow I'll wear this pair of pants and have a muffin for breakfast. No. I'm talking about the next twenty years or so.

I am reminded of that sappy song that says "children are our future and we should let them lead the way", or something to that effect. What we have done, or left undone, has lead us to where we are at this point in time.

For those of you who don't catch the news and don't get out much, let's have a small recap.

We are fighting a war on three fronts. We have an administration that has taken our country and ridden it into the toilet and created such a monumental debt that our great-grandchildren will still be paying for it. We have given a break in taxes to the people who make the most, while the other 9/10 of us shoulder the burden. The working people in this country are working more, only to find their money buys them less. The housing market has fallen, as the price of fuel and energy hover at their highest levels ever. Our education system is underfunded, overworked, and underappeciated. We are the fattest nation in the world. Our bridges and infrastructure are falling apart. We know that should a national emergency arise, such as a hurricane perhaps, the people who need help will get it in a slow and ardious fashion, if at all. More and more of our drinking water isn't fit to drink. Our landfills are full, and some are on fire. Our kids are carrying guns and they don't seem to hesitate to use them. There seems to be a large segment of society that still beats their spouse or kids, doesn't think driving drunk is such a bad idea, or care that what they have done is commit multiple felonies. We are laying off firefighters and police officers in droves. No one can remember what good service is. Most of our population is getting older and is counting on a system already doomed to fail. We find ourselves embroiled in more grief and trouble than WW II or the Great Depression seemed to offer, not to mention our preoccupation with the struggles of various celebrities to stay sober, married, or how well they sang on last nights episode.

If I've left anything out, please feel free to remind me in the comments section.

I've heard alot about whose fault it is, and that to me is as clear as day. So what do we do now? I would love to hear some suggestions. I need something to tell my two little girls in the morning before I send them off to school.

Doc

23 Questions to See If I Can Really Love You, by Chuck Klosterman. PART TWO.

If you missed the first three questions, look here. These are not, I repeat, are not my questions. Best answer to any of the 23 wins a $25 gift certificate to somewhere.

Without further ado, let's jump right in.

4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla". Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and-most notably-a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

Turn on the Alice in Chains video and read the next question as it plays.

5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life- sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).

Would you swallow the pill?

6. At long last, someone invents "the dream VCR." This machine allows you to tape an entire evenings worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. If you don't agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR.

Do you still do this?

Like I said, these questions are a bit odd, but thought provoking. Please feel free to answer in the comments section below. Best answer out of the whole twenty-three gets a twenty-five dollar (American, not Canadian) gift card for somewhere. Multiple entries are allowed, and encouraged. The other seventeen to follow in future posts.

Doc

23 Questions to See If I Can Really Love You, by Chuck Klosterman

This series of questions comes from Chuck Klosterman's wonderful book "Sex, Drugs, And Cocoa Puffs". It is wedged between two stories, "The Lady or the Tiger" and "Being Zach Morris". My recent interviews made me think of this list of questions. The article has only this for a preface: The twenty-three questions I ask everybody I meet in order to decide if I can really love them.

I love these questions, even if Mr. Klosterman didn't provide an answer key. These are great group convesation starters, but you have to start with a pretty open minded group, as most of these questions are a little odd.

So, without further ado, question one.

1. Let us assume you meet a rudimentary magician. He can do five simple tricks- he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similiar vein. These are his only tricks and he can't learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he's doing these five tricks with real magic. It's not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He's legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.

Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?

2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that-for some reason- every political prison on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?

3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.

Which option do you select?

Like I said, these questions are a bit odd, but thought provoking. Please feel free to answer in the comments section below. Best answer out of the whole twenty-three gets a twenty-five dollar (American, not Canadian) gift card for somewhere. Multiple entries are allowed, and encouraged. The other twenty to follow in future posts.

Doc

How's Yer Aim?

I like Green Arrow so much more than Robin Hood.
Don't get me wrong, Errol Flynn was a great Robin Hood, but push comes to shove, I'd rather have The Green Arrow at my back, with his quiver full of trick arrows.

Between the two, they share a common projectile and common politics, both of which I can back.

What is your favorite hero? Anyone, anywhere, anytime. Not just comic books, but anyone?

Doc

For Beckeye, An Interview.

Beckeye, from over at The Pop Eye, offered to interview me and who could turn down a pretty Steelers fan? I couldn't. So here goes.



1. This question has long gone unanswered, so please end the suspense. What's up, Doc?

Nothing much. Flannery and the girls are fast asleep and I'm poking around on the computer late at night, as is my wont. On Oct. 13-14 we are planning a trip to Chicago to celebrate ten years of blissful marriage and hopefully meet up with some of blogdom there. We have been making plans for the Tiki Christmas party, and last week we went to the Greek Festival here in town where I got to try an interesting Greek beer from Cyprus called Keo. (crunch crunch) Pardon my chewing, I'm just finishing a carrot Ala Bugs Bunny.

2. It's my opinion that there just aren't enough drinking songs in the world. If you were to write a new one, how would it go?

I have no musical talent whatsoever. Have you ever been in a crowd of people and they are all clapping in time and then you hear one guy at the back who just can't keep up? Yea, that's me. I don't think I could compose a song as I don't even play the radio well. Nothing I could write would compare to Tom T. Hall's "I Like Beer". It is my all-time favorite drinking tune. Click on the video below and turn the sound up a bit. The video is ridiculous, but they did get the song right.


3. Imagine that you are the star of a "Flavor of Love" knock-off show. You are Flav and we, your blogrolled friends, are all the trashy hos vying for the top spot on your list. What nicknames would you give each of us?

Damn! I should have expected some t.v. show question that I would be totally unprepared for, especially from a pop goddess like yourself, but that does nothing to lesson the blow. I've never seen the show, only the ads for it, but I think I get the gist, so here we go: *WARNING- these will be lame* Beth- Jasmin, Anandamide- Thor, Beckeye- Steely Eyes, Vikkitikkitavi- The Vikster, Blowing Sh*t Up With Gas- Guy Fawkes, Megan- Willis, Coaster Punchman- Harper, Deadspot- Fido, Elizabeth- Madame E, Evil Genius- Macro Me, Geo- George Jefferson, Phil- Hamlet, Johnny Yen- Iggy, Morris "Mo" Wanchuk- Bubbles, Splotchy- Freckles, K.I.D.- Sniffles, Lulu- The Out-Of-Towner, Cooper Green- Mr. O'Naught, Raven- Vincent Price, Mish Mash- Lauren Becall, Pezda- The Artist Formerly Known As Pezda, Flannery Alden- Sucker, Skylers Dad- Fur and Feathers, chris- Smoker Chobie, Bubs- Johnny Law, Tanya Espanya- Tittles, Tenacious S- Dave, Grant Miller- Ted Turner, Herbert Sebastian Crotch- The Organ Grinder, Dale- Spitfire, Frank Simarco- Maestro, Echo- M.I.A., The Boob Lady- who the hell could top that?, Two Can Anne- The Wedding Photographer, GetkristiLove- High Stickin' Ho, genn6- Dancing Queen. Wow! That was tough. I hope these questions get easier.

4. What is your favorite quote from a movie - one that you frequently work in to your everyday life?

The one I find myself using again and again is "You keep thinkin' Butch. That's what yer good at" from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I use it on Flannery alot when she spouts some hair brained idea that I just can't go along with.

5. I see on your profile that one of your interests is "the universe." Do you think that Pluto got the shaft...and do you believe that the decision to strip it of its planetary status will eventually destroy us all?

Yes, Pluto got the shaft, but I think it was from Goofy. Will it destroy us all? No. That's George Bush's job.

Thanks Beckeye, that was a hoot, even if it did take me all night to type it up. If you ever get to North-East Ohio, look me up. I'll take you to the Tiki Bar and the drinks are on me.

Doc

The Concept of Kipple

I learned of kipple when a buddy of mine gave me a copy of Philip K. Dick's novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" in the sixth grade. The film "Blade Runner" was in theaters and was based on this book. As I knew that this poor country boy was never going to see it in the theater, I accepted the book with many thanks and proceeded to tear through it. It warped me in a number of wonderful ways, and for a long time I would go back and reread it every year. I had to put a rubber band around it just to keep it together. Every Christmas I ask for a new copy as the old paperback finally disintegrated into kipple.

In the film there is a character named Sebastian, a brilliant engineer who helps design the replicants/androids and lives in a vacant apartment building. In the book the character is named J.R. Isidore, a man with limited intelligence who drives a fake ambulance to pick up and drop off electric pets that need repair, and he lives in a vacant apartment building. In the book Isidore explains kipple. Kipple is unwanted or useless objects, filth, rot, decay, or entropy. Kipple is invasive and self-reproducing. Isidore explains to the android Pris that the first law of kipple is "Kipple drives out nonkipple".

I think that may be one of the maxims of life. Life is about fighting back the kipple and trying to bring order to chaos, and driving out the it's degenerative forces. If you quit fighting the kipple, you die and are buried under it.

I thought of this today as I picked up the house. My two kids are fantastic kipple makers. As my Dad used to say "You could mess up a junkyard!", and I believe they could, the little scamps.

Then I got to thinking about fighting kipple. I can think of a few excellent warriors against kipple. The trashman who comes to my house every Wednesday for one. He takes my kipple and puts with it's own kind. Bubs over at Sprawling Ramshackle Compound for another. People can turn into living kipple and as a representative of the armed might of the state, he helps keep this human kipple off the street. Big Orange over at Frying Bacon is a warrior against kipple. He teaches kids how not to become human kipple, and how to use learning as a way to better themselves, and the rest of us how to keep the kipple from out of our heads with his regular feature of "God Talks". I'm sure even Evil Genius over at What I Like About The Universe does his part to fight kipple, although I couldn't cite examples just right here and now. Pezda does it with good cooking. GetkristiLove has been waging her own battle against kipple for about a year now. Cooper Green fights with one of the strongest weapons I can think of, humor. Chris combats it by designing new and better buildings, as well as shaving the cat. Megan joins him in his fight in much the same way I do.

May God bless you, one and all, for the fine work you have been doing.

I'm sure that I've left someone out but it was not intentional.

So tell me, how do you fight kipple? I look forward to your answers.

Doc

It's Friday...

It's Friday, ya wanna get hammered?

AN OPEN LETTER TO HOLLY

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not dead.

I have to apologize for my absence, Dear and Gentle Reader. I have had a whopper of a writing assignment that has covered my whole desk for two weeks and I have only now just gotten out from underneath it. The Grand Pooh-Bah commissioned an article, and seeing as how I can deny him nothing, I threw myself at it like I was jumping into an oncoming train. Not only did he ask for an article, he offered to pay me.

Now he is my friend, and I am always delighted to help out a friend, but when he first offered to pay me, I turned it down flat. He insisted. I declined. He insisted some more. As a compromise, I offered to have him buy me some beer and we would call it even. No. It had to be cash.

I thought I would just take the cash and buy beer for Tiki one night and share my good fortune with everyone. It only seemed fitting.

So I started to write. I had lots of ideas and planned on a good story that everyone would enjoy. It was to be funny yet thoughtful, well reasoned yet whimsical. It was on the topic of Peace.

I worked and worked. I knew what I was shooting for, but I could never quite nail it down. I thought that I could hammer it out in an evening or two. No. It was as much work as the Trans-Continental Railroad. I sweated. I fumed. I labored. I must have gone through twelve drafts. But finally, I finished with a draft that I could live with.

Now during these two weeks I got my regular paycheck from my regular job. I got paid on a Friday and that night my dear wife sat down to pay the bills. Everyone got their money and that left $20 for the family to squeak by on for 11 days. The wife drives three hours a day to and from work. The kids drink a gallon of milk every two days. The gas tank on my Jeep hadn’t read over 1/8 for two weeks because I had been waiting for payday to fill it, rather than just buy it two gallons at a time. We were broke. Backs against the wall broke. I kept trying to think of something that I could sell or pawn.

The Grand Pooh-Bah loved the article. He plunked down $90 on the bar and said, “I owe you ten.” At any other time I would have handed his money back and would have felt good about doing it. Not this time. I was strapped. This was money that I could accept with a clear conscious. I had worked hard and received a generous payment. My kids could have milk. My wife could buy gas. There would be something to eat in the house besides ramen noodles. Don’t get me wrong, I love ramen noodles, but once in a while, a choice is nice.

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

The night that I read the story to the Grand Pooh-Bah, (I always have to read it to him) Guido showed up. Guido is an old friend of the Grand Pooh-Bah and works with the professional golf tour. Guido invited a friend named Holly. I had never met her before. She sat down and took in the whole majesty that is the Tiki bar while I got her a beer. She listened as I read my story for the Grand Pooh-Bah. When I had finished, she was kind in her praise, and asked me if I could write something for her. She said that in a few weeks she was going to be teaching a class at the local college on faith and worldviews and would I like to contribute. “Yes,” I said, “be glad to.”

Now here comes the snag. I gave her the web address for this blog and that was it. I didn’t catch her last name. I don’t have her phone number. I know she lives near the fairgrounds, but that is no help. I don’t have any way of contacting her at all, short of smoke signals, and that doesn’t seem very promising, as this could easily be confused with the local tire fire.

So Holly, if you are out there, leave me a note in the comments section below. I am just groaning with faith, and I have a worldview that you might find helpful.

Doc

An Open Letter To Genn6

Please, Dear and Gentle Genn6, respond to questions posed to you in the comments section of "People I Would Like To Buy A Beer, part 13. I am losing sleep and must have this resolved promptly.

Thank you for your kind patronage of Culture of Beer, and we look for answers, at your soonest possible convenience.

Thanks again,

The Management.