Friday, October 19, 2007

I'm No Good At Being Good.

Ever since I recovered from wrestling the Coiled Dragon, I have been trying to take better care of myself. You know, the usual, eat better, sleep more, take my vitamins, and get some exercise, etc. Nothing too strenious, but just a general over-all healthier lifestyle. After all, I'm not a kid anymore, and my bloom of youth has long since gone to seed.

I haven't had much luck. The pull of old habits is too strong.

I quit taking the vitamins after three days. Horse-pills that big could not be healthy. I tried drinking less. That lasted the better part of a week. I cut back on my smoking and kept it to a few every day. I'm back to my most of a pack a day habit. I started to head to bed earlier so I could start rolling out of bed at a decent hour. Insomnia set in and I started watching the sun come up time and again after another sleepless night. Now I was getting even less sleep than when I headed to bed late. I quit drinking coffee, but this became even harder with less and less sleep. I've gotten out of the habit of eating, just something quick and simple before bed and I was good. I can't eat breakfast. My stomach gets up three hours after I do and if I send down anything other than coffee before that time he gets cranky and bothers me the whole day. I only eat lunch if it is convienent, i.e. someone else is cooking and cleaning up afterward, and this rarely happens. I work in the evenings through what most people would consider dinner time, so that's out. Often it isn't until I'm climbing into bed does it occur to me that I haven't eaten all day.

I thought the real crux of the problem was there was never any food in the house that I like to eat, as Flannery and the girls have very different palates than mine, and she does most of the grocery shopping. So to remedy the situation I spent $200 at the store and filled the house with things that I like. I packed the cupboards, shelves, fridge, and freezer to the brim. It's still in there and I've nibbled at it. The problem wasn't the food, it was the fact that I am much too lazy to fix it and clean up afterwards.

The exercise is the only thing I have had any success with. Mind you, I'm not running marathons like Bubs, or rowing like Pezda, or mountain climbing like GetkristiLove. No. I have made enough trips up and down the stairs doing laundery to wear out a stair master. I have toted most everything we own to the curb in an effort to rid ourselves of our flea problem. Not to mention the rigorious workout I get tapping these little keys. My constitution and stamina are improving, just ask Flannery.

So in an effort to help ease my mind about how badly I'm failing at this, sit down next to me at the bar and light up a cigar, and have a cold one with me. Tell me a few dirty jokes and remind me how we are going to start our new diet and work-out plan on some far-flung and distant "tomorrow".

"To your continued Good Health! Cheers!" (clink)



  1. Hilarious.

    Don't go changin' Doc. But if you want to try and improve something - may I suggest one thing at a time?! You know, baby steps.

  2. Doc, you are a man after my own heart. My philosophy is: Your body is a temple - ransack it!

  3. I echo GKL's advice. You can't possibly change so much at one time.

    Start by quitting smoking, seriously...


  4. That's my kind of calisthenics! You can have my cigars, but I'll match you on the brews.

  5. Your house has food you like and you haven't invited me over for some sandwich spread and a tall glass of milk?! Jeez!

  6. is that an eye they're tattin' on her boob? what the hell is with eyballs on tits?? I ask you...

  7. I'll gladly share a cigar and a drink with you. We can sit and think of all the things we could be doing instead of smoking and drinking, and decide against all of them.

  8. It's as if you are describing my life. See you at the bar!


Write your beer-fueled ravings here...