Friday, November 30, 2007

The American Center

This morning I was awoken by the telephone. I opened one sleepy eye to glance at the little screen to see who was calling. The screen read "The American Center", and cut off there. I'm sure if I bothered to answer the phone I would have learned what center they were refering to, but even half asleep, I knew they were going to want some of my money, and I just don't have any to spare.

So I hung up on them and went back to sleep.

As I drifted back into slumber, the words "The American Center" kept rolling around in my head. I wondered what I would find at the American center? As I drifted into R.E.M. I knew what I'd find.

Nougat. Lots and lots of nougat.



  1. at least it isn't that crap at the center of malteasers......i have new faith in the country.

  2. Thank you for confirming that America has a chewy center.

  3. Thar's a helluva lotta nuts in that center, too...

  4. I was hoping for liqueur of some kind. But nougat's good, too.

  5. Doc, I want you to give some serious consideration to joining me in the Pastafarian faith.

    It's just occured to me that if every Friday is a holy day, then it follows that we should drink beer on fridays. Heavily. For, as it's been writ, the Spaghetti Monster created heaven and earth after drinking heavily from a beer volcano in heaven. Drinking beer on a friday becomes a sort of religious experience, like communion: we do so in memory and honor of His Noodliness, and in thinking ahead to that time that His Noodly Appendage touches us and we fall o'er dead, to be reborn on the side of an e'er errupting beer volcano.

    Something like that. Hell, if a PhD in theology can say, on the radio, that "bears and lions have claws because they used them in Eden to shred vegitables. You see, all carnivores were actually vegitarians in Eden until Man sinned against God" (that's verbatim, BTW, I taped it), then *I* can say whatever the hell *I* want about my Noodly Faith!!


  6. you goofball. maybe you should have answered. "The American Center" may have been "The American Center of ----" whatever that does survey research. I have been working with the American Institute of Occupational Studies at Massachusetts University for about three years, and every tie I do a phone survey they send me a check for $20.

    Seriously, if the caler ID has the word "Institute" in it, it's a dead giveaway, "Center" would be a possibility.

    You may have just past up $20....fucker.

  7. Are you thinking of Ted Nougat, that wacko metal guitarist who hunts? He's so far from the centre he's falling off the edge.

    Not him, I guess.

    And okay, center.


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