Thursday, May 22, 2008

Flannery Rebuts

Doc is concerned that he is having a negative effect on me. He said "It turns out that according to her, I have been actively trying to drive her insane for ten years, not by my madcap behavior, or my drinking, but by my choices in movies. Again, according to her, I am responsible for introducing her to the FIVE WORST MOVIES EVER."

This is wrong. He is not driving me insane. I was trying to tell him how thankful I was that he made me watch a movie that in turn made me seriously consider puking. I want my boundaries pushed. I want to go there, if you will. And I won't go there if someone doesn't take me. I'm happy enough to watch Murder She Wrote, MASH and Zoolander over and over again. I am grateful for the warping I've received from his expert hands.

Allow me to kindly make a few corrections to Doc's previous post. The official top five worst movies I've ever seen, thanks to Doc:

  1. Caligula: Pure debauchery. We didn't finish watching this one. I knew what was coming, having read The Twelve Caesars, but I gave it a shot anyway. Caligula is proof that, in order to warp me, you must first blindside me.

  2. Kissed: The aforementioned "Tastful necrophilia movie". I don't care if it's the On Golden Pond of necrophilia movies; there is no way to make a necrophilia movie tasteful. It's too repulsive on so many levels.

  3. Beerfest: I don't mind seeing a person chug a beer every now and then. But to watch people chug gallons of beer over and over again for two hours made me physically sick. It was a cumulative effect. I mean, I love the guys that made this movie; they also made Supertroopers, which was funny without being too gross. But ew.

  4. Sin City: Canibalism, over dramatic voice overs, exploitation of women (especially young women) and the glamorization of thuggary. I walked out. See my review here.

  5. Paint Your Wagon: I think when Lee Marvin sings, an angel dies. Pair him up with the equally tuneless Clint Eastwood and you might as well start packing for the apocolypse. This movie was vastly unfunny and made me feel headachy.

These movies went places I didn't want to go. I saw and heard things I didn't want to see. I became physically ill afterwards. It used to be that I mourned the loss of my innocence and time. But these days, I appreciate experiencing a story on more than just an intellectual level. So, when Doc blissfully grabs my elbow and explains that he's set aside time for us to watch a movie together, I trust him implicitly. I know whatever I'm going to see will change me, however slightly, forever and for the better. Yes, I am an accomplice in my own warping.

But I want Doc to know he's doing me a favor. He's helping me try on a new perspective. I may not like it. I may puke. But I will have been there with him. And there is no one better on this green earth to see a necrophilia movie with, let me tell you.

So thank you, Doc. For your ability to get me out of my rut and broaden my perspectives, whether they need broadening or not.


Next up: The Five Best Movies I've Ever Seen, Thanks to Doc.


  1. I am so with you on Sin City. I didn't watch that movie so much as bury my head in EG's shoulder. We saw it in the theatre. *sigh* I'm with Doc in thinking that Notting Hill sucks pretty hard, though. (Not quite up there with Face/Off, which may get EG's and my joint vote for worst movie ever.)

    Flan, have you yet introduced Doc to the wonder that is The Cutting Edge?

  2. never SAW Sin City, but it's on my list-- right up there at the TOP now that I know it's disturbing just on general principals.

    Flann, I love to push my own boundaries, though I do so willingly and with a certain sick abandon. I owned a BIG-ASS book of photographs by Joel-Peter Witkin who was fond of photographing dead things-- often people (or BITS of people).

    I admire and-- yes, yes-- am a lil' jealous of your relationship with Doc. I've certainly not married anyone who wanted their boundaries pushed anytime after the exchange of rings, which is generally the vast majority of the relationship, and have therefore watched many a movie alone in bed with the lil' portable DVD player because my mates didn't even want to read the description on the label let alone WATCH as far as the opening credits.

    Kudos to you both. And I can't wait to see you guys in about 24 hours!!

  3. My only complaint is whenever I pick out a film I have to be reminded of my poor choices in the past. "This isn't another Caligula is it?" "There isn't any necrophilia in this is there?" and the one that grates me to no end, "Is Lee Marvin in this and does he sing?"

    Doggone it! Give a brother a break! I've said I was sorry. But after this, maybe it isn't such a bad thing.


  4. I hope The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly makes the top 5 best movies I've turned you on to.


  5. Just for the record, I really loved Sin City. Not just for it being a guy thing, though (which it definitely is). See, you have two of the best directors ever (Robert Rodriguez & Quentin Tarantino) teamed up at once. With either one of those two, it's just a given that the plots/situations are going to be an order of magnitude more intense than you'll find just about anywhere else. Plus, these guys have pioneered some storytelling and filmmaking devices that have inspired and influenced the entire industry. So, from a purely "filmmaking" perspective, most of the output of those guys is top-notch. Pulp Fiction remains, IMHO, among the best films ever made -- although I should note that my wife refuses to watch it.

  6. (Of course, there was, admittedly, some extremely perverse shit in Sin City.)

  7. Please stop talking about Sin City. I might faint again. ;)

  8. I'm with Flannery. I haven't seen all of the movies she mentions but I'm with her anyway. We have to stick together on these things


Write your beer-fueled ravings here...