Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Damn Polly Pocket And Her Infinite & Tiny Wardrobe

Polly Pocket. I have a problem with this bitch on so many levels.

First, and my biggest peeve, is the fact that every doll comes with 14 pairs of shoes. These shoes are smaller than an American dime cut in half and I find her footwear in every room of the house.

Second, all of her furniture has sharp edges that are quickly discovered by bare feet.

Third, I defy an adult to try to change her outfit twice in twelve and a half minutes, let alone a child. All of her clothes are made of rubber and when you try to put small arms in sleeves or slim legs in anything but a short skirt, they stick like duct tape to the limbs of the doll and only vasoline could smooth the transition of tennis clothes to cocktail gown.

Fourth, this chumpette has a better line of clothes than I ever will, not to mention they tend to clog the vacuum.

Thank your lucky stars you don't have small girls.

Forgive my rant, but I'm in mid reconstruction of the sweeper and I am in need of a Labatt's.


P.S.- Happy New Year! I know all of my Jewish friends will be having some challah bread today!


  1. You know what I like most about your posts, Doc? They are always true to the theme. They end with beer ... that's the key ... but before that, you'll pretend you don't like trying on doll's clothes and putting on those little shoes, and just being a really genuine perverted dad. Very endearing.

  2. Just tell me you don't put on fashion shows Doc.


    Hello Doc?


  3. Oh gawd, girls still like them? I fucking hated polly pocket !! I still have a shitload in storage in the attic,,,,,,want some ?


  4. heh. I was going through my blogroll o'er at my place and I just KNEW that "bare feet" would feature in this post.

    Been there, done that. Mind, boys and LEGOS are sometimes worse for sharp corners.

    But if you read your Father's Contract Manual, I believe it's somewhere on page 348, paragraph 9 or thereabouts that it says that taking apart household appliances to remove objects like very small toys, cat hair clogs and threads is part of what you signed up for when you agreed to have procreative sex.

    Besides, vacuum cleaners always have too many screws on the bottom-- this is a good way to streamline the thing. Think of it as regular maintainence-- like taking the mower blade off for sharpening and scraping all the clumped on dehydrated grass, or removing the dryer hose and snaking it out or cleaning out the BBQ grill: it's gotta be done SOMETIME, you've just been given the reason to do it NOW vs. later.

    I wonder what Red Green would say about all o' this??

  5. I play in the LaBlatt Blue Classic hockey tournament every year. It's expensive, but they give us a case of cold ones after EVERY game. Yet another reason to take up hockey, Doc.

  6. Cooper Green- I am delighted to see you have returned to blogdom! It hasn't been the same without you. Thanks for stopping by, and I promise to head over to your place and catch up on my reading.

    Skyler's Dad- I do not put on fashion shows with the dolls. I don't need dolls for my fashion shows!

    #1- Thanks, but no thanks. I've got enough of that crap here.

    Cap'n Ergo- I never agrred to procreative sex. I thought she said "creative sex" and that piqued my interest. And Red Green would have told me not to have kids.

    Flannery- I assume that is why you married me. It sure wasn't for my money.

    GkL- I would only take up the sport if you taught me how. Do you give lessons?


  7. Kick polly's ass out Doc.

    I just got an Alfred Hitchcock barbie...she has birds attacking her head. Want that?

    You can step on birds instead of pollyshit.



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