Friday, September 26, 2008

Low Level Secretaries Respond To The Debates

Bloggers Doc, Flannery, Spooky Magoo and the Cap'n gathered for this Hysterical Debate. I mean historical debates. As a group effort, we came up with this. Flannery took notes and the rest of us chimed in here and there. At first, I was nominated as secretary of these proceedings but my hand couldn't keep up with the flurry of material as my pen ran out of ink shortly into the second sentence of my notes. I chucked the pen and paper and stormed off to the Lodge to retrieve the computer, as Flannery's magic fingers could type fast enough to keep up with not only the debate, but our own homespun analysis. This was part of my strategy, but not my tactics.

I cannot vouch for Flannery's notes. When my pen was still working, I wrote down that John said South Koreans are three inches taller than North Koreans because North Koreans live in a gulag, but my hearing is poor and it runs in the family. Flannery noted something else:

  • North Koreans are 3 inches tall.
  • John's foreign policy: play my way or I'm taking my ball and going home.
  • We saw three letters in Putin's eyes: PBR.
  • John McCain has been everywhere. Russia? Been there. Iraq? Been there. Hard Rock Cafe? Been there. The bathroom? Been there.
  • Obama gives good list
  • Petrodollars sound slippery
  • Obama: we can't drill our way out of this problem
    John: Well, I've been to the bottom of that drilled hole and I've met Abaddbadaad
  • John has no upper lip
  • John grieves us all
  • We love the audience response thingy; it's hypnotic.


Everyone went to bed early to digest this one and left yours truly to sum it up and put it into perspective.

I am not the man for the job, but I take it willingly.

My Summation:

Let's be honest, I missed most of the first bit, but much like a new soap opera, you quickly see the two feuding families of thought, and recognise stock lines that have been thrown about since one man tried to convince another that he knew better, and not to mention how any given pissing contest would wind up.

I must admit that I wasn't an unbiased swing voter. I made my choice long ago. Forgive my bluntness, but I know where my loyalties lie, but in no way did that diminish the wonderful exchange before us. In essence, We Laughed, We Cried, We saved $5. It was better than "Cats".

Regardless of who you back, at least cast your vote. Don't let your voice be unheard. There were lots of folks who died for the idea that we can vote and make a difference. Let's not let them down. They gave their all so we could have some; and isn't that worth voting for?



  1. I hate these debates.

    Moderator: What's your favorite color?

    Answer by either: Let me start by talking a little about something, then move right back to my talking points about how my plan for color is better.

  2. The S'Dad nailed it.

    Didn't McCain come off as the grumpy-ass old man down the street, though. And I hate that grin of his.

  3. I personally know that I missed a great deal of potential fodder by simultaneously reading Roger Eberts "Your Movie Sucked" while 1/2 listening to the debate and 1/2 petting the cat (what gives? Why are black cats suddenly attracted to me??)

    I think you did a fine job, Doc!! A lot better than the series of notes and 1-liners that we left you with last nite.

  4. I barely stayed awake through the whole thing and I'm supposed to be the political nut that enjoys this kind of stuff.

    Neither one has a specific plan to keep us from sinking into the Great Depression by the time one of them takes office. All they offered was conditions they think should be met on whatever plan is agreed upon. At that point for me, the debate is over. ;(

  5. You saved more than $5 - that's how much it costs in gas just to get anywhere... thanks to the last damn administration.

  6. The two were arguing like children at times. I've seen better performances from high school debate teams.

    McCain's total lack of lips, incessant blinking, and Dick Cheney-like lizard tongue flicking was way too distracting. I could only listen to him by planting my face in my palms. It also hid my tears.

    There was one bit where Obama was explaining how he would handle Iran, and McCain's retort is something to the effect: "So you're just going to tell them no? Oh, please."

    Great reductio ad infinitum there, guy. Better than his plan which is apparently "Be a total dick because non-white people tortured me once."

    Yes, perhaps they do say they want to kill us, but maybe we should try to figure out why and work it out rather than attacking them and making them want to kill us more.

    They both talked about what to do about Russian agression towards Georgia, but no one ever mentions what the South Ossetians want, which the way I understand it is they want to be Russian, not Georgian. If there weren't oil pipelines involved this wouldn't be a problem. It's like if the upper Michigan Peninsula wanted to be Canadian. If they voted for it, would we let them? No, because they've got shitloads of iron and coal. Fuck what the people want.


  7. dunno what you were talkin' about but this post is a scream

  8. Excellent Recap, Doc. You missed your calling.

    Although I would definitely urge McCain supporters to stay home on election day and let their voice NOT be heard for once.

  9. Skyler's Dad- Too true. They did come in with their mental que cards of what they wanted to hit on, and tried their damndest to keep steering the topic that way, but such is the nature of a debate. We could make this a lot more interesting if we could have them hooked up to lie detectors instead of the audience response meters.

    Beth- It's funny you mentioned "the grumpy-ass old man down the street" thing as I mentioned the same thing to Cap'n Ergo before the debate began.

    Cap'n Ergo- I wish I had more of the notes and one-liners as it would have made this a much funnier article.

    genn6- I'm amazed you missed this! I thought it was a hoot! And how often can you say that about politics? As far as GD II, at least they weren't advocating a return to the barter system.

    GkL- I hope you have good public tranportation where you live, and congrats on the anniversary.

    err- While I seldom use this phrase, I think it applies here aptly: WORD!

    Gifted Typist- I will admit that beer was involved, and thanks.

    Vik- You are probably right. I shouldn't encourage these folks, but I am so sick of hearing about voter apathy. More people vote on Americal Idol than we can seem to muster to the booth. Crap, no wonder we have had eight years of deviant government that has:

    1. Ardently stressed that it is in the back pocket of big business/big oil and pushed a bill for tax breaks for the WEALTHY through.

    2. Presided over an economy with a record breaking amount of huge companies going belly-up because of shady books and misspent money, and bilking hard working people out of funds that should have rightfully been theirs.

    3. Embroiled us in THREE wars (Irag, Afghanistan, and Terror) and have run up a tab with foreign goverments that our great grandchildren will be paying off.

    4. We are going to bail out the banking industry to the tune of how much? Perhaps I'm being a bit short sighted but shouldn't we start by trying to off set the cost by confiscating the property and funds of those responsible and have them shovel snow in Cleveland at minimum wage until they pay off the rest. Their spouses, children and friends can help, but they make a half wage.

    5. Have gotten away with questionable ethics, torture, rampant disregard for the Geneva Convention and the U.N. Charter, and an infringements on our civil liberties. There has been cronyism, graft, and war-like greed running the country too long, caused by a rigged election that left Al Gore growing his beard and doing noble charity work for the enviroment.

    6. Gasoline and beer now cost the same on a gallon/six pack ratio, provided you buy regular and cheap domestic beer. Guinness drinkers with an SUV are doubly screwed.

    But I must admit, you are right.

    I shouldn't encourage them to vote.

    I should be encouraging them to donate blood, support public schools and libraries, and join the military, as well as their sons and daughters, not to mention their grandchildren. A couple of grandchildren is a small price to pay for tax breaks right?


  10. Not to mention our Vice President shot someone in the face after drinking and walked away. If you or I had done that, we would be locked away.



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