Monday, March 29, 2010

What Would You Use To Wash Down A Mouthful Of Oven Cleaner?

I have, in my mispent youth, dabbled in substances. I felt obliged to sow a few wild oats if for no other reason than I would be better able to steer my children away from them and be speaking from the viewpoint of an expert, or if not an expert, at least a well informed eye-witness.

I have dabbled in substances, and to name a few: Beer in every form I could find it, scotch, vodka, whiskey, rum, tobacco, caffiene, and Pixy Stix taken nasally. I have even sniffed gasoline and not for the fragrance. I have washed down an aspirin with Coca Cola. Needless to say, I have been wreckless and stupid.

I have never messed with oven cleaner however. Tonight was my first experience into the sordid world of this common household chemical.

My job required me to clean the shrink wrap machine this evening, and the only thing that was going to remove a years worth of burnt fudge icing was going to involve this miracle of modern science, oven cleaner.

I have never used oven cleaner before. I read the directions very carefully and followed them to the letter. The can recommends elbow length gloves. The gloves I have won't come to my wrist in much the same way a Trojan condom wouldn't work for a Clydesdale. I hold the can the correct distance from the surface I am about to clean, after unplugging it of course, and give it a good spritz.

At no point on the label did it say, "Don't Inhale". My nose has been a little plugged up from a recent sniffle so all of my breathing has been orally. I inhaled enough that my tongue tastes like soapy foil and my saliva glands are working overtime. I didn't have to spit this much when I still dipped snuff.

The first coat went on at 5 pm. I put on four more coats this evening before 8:45 pm, but I held my wet apron over my mouth as I did them. To no avail. The damage was done.

I couldn't clock out fast enough and pushed the speed limit to get home. The Jeep hadn't stuttered to a halt before I was out the door and headed to the dorm fridge in the garage.

I don't know what you would use to wash the taste of oven cleaner out of your mouth, but I was going to start with beer. I had five and I can still taste it, but I'll get back to you on how many it takes.

If all else fails, I could put bathroom cleaner on my toothbrush and let them fight it out.



  1. If the beer does the trick, enquiring minds would like to know the names of the various 'brews' - just for future reference, you understand! ;-p (I, too, have an oven in neeed of cleaning.....)

  2. Been there and done it mate. I found a good full bodied, strong, real ale. Not just one mind. It would be rude to stop at one. Oh, and it didn't get rid of the taste, just got me pissed enough to forget about the inhaled cleaner!

    Good luck, David. ;-)

  3. Whiskey. Lots of whiskey.

    Having used that crap myself, I never understood why they called it "Easy Off". Must be some kind of chemical company insider joke.

  4. That is some nasty stuff! If the beers don't do it, I recommend milk, based solely on my experience that it helps with strong peppers where beer didn't.

  5. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing oven cleaner.

  6. Didn't anyone warn you that oven cleaner was a "gateway" cleaning product? It's just a matter of time before you're mainlining Pine-Sol.


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