SOME ADVICE FOR ALL Y'ALL SCRIBBLERS IN THE NEW YEAR...

thank yew, thank yew...

Your Contributing Editor,
Ergo Jinglebollocks

God Help Me, I've Quit Smoking

I must admit that some of the best advice I have ever received was from my pals Skyler's Dad and GetkristiLove. Skyler's Dad's was short and to the point, "Stop. Just Stop!" while GetkristiLove's was more optimistic and hopeful, "Think of all of the money you will save that you can spend on beer."

These two phrases have haunted me for the past few months to the point they are the only commercials that play in the Muzak of my head. Thanks to the both of you for haunting my conscience with your good advice. It took me a while, but I'm finally taking it.

I've known that I was poisoning myself for years, but as a young man that didn't seem to matter much. If I checked out because of some horrible self-induced disease, the world at large would not have lost much I reasoned. Well, now I'm a little older. I have a wonderful wife, two beautiful kids, and a good life. Why throw it away because I want to put dried leaves in my mouth and burn them?

I know that bad habits are hard to break, but I also know that in these hard times the only way I'm ever going to save enough money to put one of the kids through college is if I quit blowing it on stupid stuff like cigarettes, pixie sticks, and kiwi-scented shoe inserts. I may have to quit buying beer to put the other kid through college, but I don't think I'm quite ready to quit two things at once. My body couldn't handle it, and I might wind up in a bell tower somewhere throwing doughnuts at passersby while screaming insensibly. I can't let that happen. My arrest record is colorful enough.

If anyone has suggestions on how to kick this foul habit, I'd love to hear them, but in the mean time, can I bum a Lifesavers?

Doc