"Poems don't have to rhyme and they don't have to be dirty, but people seem to prefer them that way." -Red Green.
I don't read a lot of poetry as a rule, although I suspicion that I read a bit more of it than your average joe. Mostly I just reread stuff that I like: Rudyard Kipling, Robert Service, Walt Whitman, and
Roy Bentley.
As far as writing poetry goes, let's face it, I suck. I can recite several dirty limericks but I don't think I could write one. The only assignment I ever flunked in English class was when we had to write five haiku's. I couldn't come up with one. My mind just doesn't work in five-seven-five format. I'm more of a three-five-nine guy myself. Whatever, it all works out to seventeen.
So today I'm casting about for something to read in the Jeep as I spend a fair amount of time waiting in it. I find my copy of "Tales of the Yukon" by Robert Service and started reading. After a few pages I had a certain rhythm in my head and I put the book down and put my own words to it. While I am no wordsmith, I felt the muse was upon me and jotted a few lines down. I figured what the heck? If old Walt, pictured above, could sing of his body electric, then by gum I could pen this little ditty.
Ode to Beer
Beer, Oh Beer;
You've made your point clear.
And of all the World's earthly delights,
You've always been true and graced my dark weary nights.
The monk he lives on bread and water,
But I could never live on such meager fare.
My knees would never take all the kneelin',
But I hear they brew good beer!
The Kings have all the power,
And the rich man wears his fine cap.
But as for me & mine,
We'll be in the room with the tap.
Pity the poor teetotaler as 'e rises to greet the day;
For when he comes home at night,
'E's got no mug
To ease him from his day.
I 'ad me a true love once,
But I won't miss her in this lifetime.
She left me for a preacher man,
And because 'e drank wine!
Now I've heard tell that the devil himself drove a down-bound train,
With wheels well greased and black.
The boiler is full of lager beer,
And the train's about to jump the track!
Now when my time comes to be passing,
As it does to men far and near.
I think I will find myself gasping,
"Barmaid! More beer over 'ere!"
Bury me with little fanfare,
In a quiet ceremony.
Don't bring flowers bring hops,
As that's the ferryman's fee.
And should I get to Heaven,
And walk on that great golden strand.
Lord, I hope you'll remember,
That I'm a beer drinking man!
There you have it. If I could have thought of how to make it dirty, you know I would have.
On another note, the postman scared me to death the other day. He rang the doorbell and made me sign for something, which he has never done before. I thought the letter might have been the IRS wondering why I had claimed $28,000 on "snacks", as I hear they are looking for some new income. It turns out it was a letter from
Dale. I should have known by the stamps.
He had sent the
Card Seen 'Round The World. Make no mistake, Flannery and I begged very hard to be the next on the list and Dale was kind enough to send it along to us. The only problem was we broke rules numbers two & six. First off was six, as we kept the card for three weeks and on the mantle no less. I would like to say that we have played by the rules, but that would be a lie. We cheated and got the card under false pretences, but that's how Flannery is.
Should you like to see the card as it stands, look
here. Our contributions appear below. Click to make bigger.
I've been reading about Gary Larson and was inspired. I have some other cartoons that I'll put up in the coming days, provided I can get my *expletive deleted* internet to flippin' cooperate.
I promised Dale a cartoon of his own some time ago and I just finished it. At the same time I promised one to Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks. Here it is Sir. I hope you like it.
I can honsetly say that this has been the hardest cartoon I've ever penned. I drew this one eight times and this is the best of the bunch and I'm still not happy with it but perhaps Dale will be forgiving.
This was the photo I had to go by and I don't think I really did him justice. He should have been more broad shouldered, but I tried very hard to capture his sauveness, culture, and rugged good looks. Perhaps the spats and cigarette holder were a bit over the top but you can get away with that in a cartoon. I tried to work in all of the elements he suggested including the leaky ceiling, the curtain climbing cat, and Honeypot, but the Korean Bagel Lady could only be represented by the poppy seed bagel next to his flute of champagne, even if it looks like a doughnut with sprinkles. Food is hard to draw as well as humorless Korean women.
These are all old drawings I did when I was in college. I doodled some from comic books, and at the time I was listening to a lot of Iron Maiden and it influenced my art. I promised my buddy, Err, that I would post some cartoons just for him and here they are. Feel free to swipe one for your avatar if you feel so inclined Err. I think my self portrait looks kind of like you without the goatee. If these won't do, say so. I'll draw something else for you.
Should you like a cartoon of your own, don’t hesitate to ask, and Vik, it has been a pleasure. Think of it as a small "thank you" from a regular reader.
Yes, I swim in a T shirt. I can't take too much sun.
I don't eat ice cream because of this.
My humble nod to Lewis Carrol. I don't much care for the Dormouse.
A summation of my classical art training.
This was somewhat inspired by all the great opening credits to all those James Bond movies. Mind you, the perspective is all wrong, but the sentiment is honest. I have a deep and abiding love of drowning olives. I'm not much for martinis, but I love olives. It is the reason that most all-you-can-eat salad bars won't let me in anymore.
This one is me as a Musketeer. I drew it and I thought it needed a speech balloon, so I looked it over and wrote the first thing that came to mind. I think it made the whole thing.
I'm always fishing for ideas, so if you have some suggestions, let me doodle you one.
