Highlights and Low-Lifes, or All That's Right With What's Left. Social Zymurgy; the culture of beer presents The Year's Best!

"We all know that only poets and writers can save the world. We have left it in the hands of others for too long." - Doc

This is something of a tradition here at Social Zymurgy, the culture of beer. At the beginning of the New Year, we do a brief recap of the best from the previous twelve months. You get the steak without the gristle. The binge without the hangover. The worldwide cruise without all the sea sickness. In short, I've cut the fluff and kept the good stuff. This will be a series for the next week so that I can catch up on your blog. Enjoy!

Ideas for blog writers who can't think of any:

"For Those Engaged In National Blog Posting Month"

Tales of caution:

A story from my sordid young adulthood: "The Night I Took Up Flying"

A purely visual joke which I don't do very often: "When I die, I would like to die peacefully, in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

Have you ever had a few beers and done something silly? "The Flare Gun"

It is only a matter of time: "Why The Aliens Would Want To Kidnap Me And What Should Be Done When This Happens"

This too is simply a matter of time: "My Living Will or What To Do When The Coma Comes"

Helpful advice for when the excrement hits the turbine: "The Five Things You Didn't Know You Needed In A Disaster"

Thanks for joining me on a trip down amnesia lane. Swing by tomorrow for more tales from your favorite dumb white country boy!

Cheers,
Doc

SOME ADVICE FOR ALL Y'ALL SCRIBBLERS IN THE NEW YEAR...

thank yew, thank yew...

Your Contributing Editor,
Ergo Jinglebollocks

Generation Gaps

I was at my Mom's house to pick up the girls after work. When I got there, Riley and Mom were working on Riley's homework. Lucy was sitting at the breakfast bar, sans shirt, eating mashed potatoes and gravy. Grandma was laying down, having stayed up to late watching the election results.

Eventually, Riley finished up and I had a salad. Grandma got up and sat down near by. We talked about how amazing last night was and got emotional. Well, I got emotional. As I was futzing around with my dishes, my Mom jumped and reached for a box...

"Oh, hey, Mom? Where are those glasses we bought?" she asked my Grandma.

"Over there on the counter."

"Look at this," Mom said as she showed me a box of ice shot glasses.

"What is that?"

"I think it's for making Jello shots, see?" she said as she pointed to the dark cherry contents of the glasses in the picture.

"Oh, they're so good! Aren't they, Mom?" my Mom asked of my Grandma.

"Oh, yes."

"Wait a minute," I said as I read the box, "These are "ice" shot glasses...they are glasses made of ice."

"I know," Mom said, "Aren't they pretty?"

"Well, yes, but they're not glass glasses...they're glasses made of ice."

"What?"

"Here, let me see," my Grandma said as she joined us at the counter.

"See," I said, "They're glasses, but they are ice..."

I pulled the instructions out to be sure I was right about this, and, yes, I was (see picture above). You pour the water in, put in the little mold to make the cup part and you freeze the daggone thing. Voila...ice shot glasses.

I explained as much and my Grandma looked at me quizzically and took the directions to read them for herself.

"Huh," Mom said.

"You couldn't make jello shots in these..." I said.

"Because they would melt," my Mom and I said in unison.

"It's really cool!" I said, getting excited about this silly little piece of whimsy. "You can freeze these up, pour in some booze, drink it up and eat the cup!" I was tickled because it reminded me of the Mad Hatter eating a tea cup in the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland. I imagined myself whipping out frozen shot glasses for our annual Groundhog's Day party (mark you calendars now, folks).

"Or," I said, inspired now, "You could make boilermakers with them!!"

"Boilermakers?" my Mom asked.

"Yeah, isn't that where you get a beer and a shot and you drop the shot glass into the beer?" I asked.

"No," my Grandma said, "You toss back the shot, then drink the beer."

I gave her this point but made a mental note to check that fact with Doc.

"Well," I said, "They're really cool anyway."

"Take them home with you," my Mom said, "There was another one at the store and we'll go get it,"

"I'd really like to give them a shot..." I said and we chuckled at the pun, "I'm going to have to stop and get some booze..."

"Here," she said, turning to their fridge, "Here's most of a bottle of Margarita mix with the booze already in it."

She grabbed a Fisher's bag and started packing it up. I rounded up the kids and the steam cleaner Mom gave to me and hit the road, anxious to give this novelty a try. They're in the freezer as we speak and Doc said they're ready to go.

I let you know if they are all I hope them to be. I promise; I won't make jello shots in them.

Report...they are everything I thought them to be...but you gotta be quick!

Flannery
xoxox

SOCIAL NETWORKING MADE EASY AS POURIN' A COLD DRAUGHT!!

I remember in high school getting a coffee mug from my friend Brian that was dark bloo with a big, red heart on it that said, "I [heart] Fridays." I loved that mug, though it wasn't until somewhere circa the year 2k or thereabouts that I started seriously working only M-F: most of my jobs in high school, college and early adulthood had rotating shifts, often on weekends.

But the sentiment is still a good one and millions of people would share it, no doubt, if the piles of cars outside the local pubs on a Friday are any indication. It's always nice to get new comments and visitors on Friday, so I was pleased when I checked the comments and found that a Dondon from the Must Love Beer Social Networking website had found us (no doubt it was Doc's fine artwork that sent ripples out through the human collective unconscious and attracted attention).

I hear-tell from Flannery that this whole "social networking" biz is the hot trend of the early 2000's, and I, for one, would hate to be left out on a hawt new trend, even if an introductory paragraph has 6 hyperlinked terms in it on Wiki, and uses the word "nodes." So, needless to say, I signed up right away, do not pass GO, do not collect 200 balloons.
I don't know this for a fact, having only poked my head through the proverbial door to see who's inside and what the digs look like, but it looks nice in there, and I just thought I'd give y'all the info in case you too wanted to join up.

See y'all inside.

---E.J.

A Little Something For Vikkitikkitavi: CARTOONS!

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it." -Voltaire

"Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare." -Voltaire

"The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination." -Voltaire

"To hold a pen is to be at war." -Voltaire

"Well that was a fuck of a storm." -Noah.

***

I'm back. I have been away too long, but the horrible storm has given me the chance to get a few things out of the way. I have written a few reviews of new beers I've tried, watched some good movies I'll pass along, and I've penned a few cartoons for Vikkitikkitavi that I promised her days ago.

I'm sure all of my Dear and Gentle Readers are familiar with Vik. (You don't mind if I call you Vik do you?) She is over at Bells On with her finger firmly planted on the pulse of the nations politics. If you haven't been following her writing, you have cheated yourself out some much needed exposure to a razor sharp mind and a biting whit that can cut to the core of truth in today's bullshit. And God bless her for it. We could use many more like her. This young lady has captured the plight we find ourselves in and offered some of the most well reasoned thinking of anyone I know, much like the good Voltaire whose words head this article.

A while back, I posted a few of my silly cartoons and offered to draw one for anyone who asked. She said she would be honored to have one done, and as anyone who knows me, I am a sucker for flattery. So I gave it a go. Here is the first:

This was my first effort and it was undertaken after a long night of reviewing several different domestic beers, so please, forgive a clumsy drunken cartoonist. As a child, I read quite a bit of Kipling, and to this day can recite a few, but “Rikkitikkitavi" isn’t amongst them. I drew the pic from one off the internet and this one was crossing some marshy ground, that is why his back right paw is in the mire. And if anyone can speak well of the state of our mire, it’s Vik.

But it would be wrong of me not to include everyone else into this, so let’s make this a bit of a puzzle. As I am the kind of guy who could never find the sailboat in those stupid “See the Picture Amongst The Dot’s”, let’s make this easy. Find: a skull, a spider, an oil well, a flower, a vine, a gravestone, the number 12, a red hat, a smiley face, grapes and a donkey. Yes, I’m sure you found them all, but how long did it take you?

Next, the cartoon that Vikkitikkitavi later asked for is somewhat flawed too. I explained to her that I don’t draw women well, but she defended herself by saying that she rarely acted like a lady, so that was okay. And while she is known for her truthful and honest opinion, I have to cast a shadow of doubt that she rarely acts like a lady, and if she doesn't, hell, those are the kind of broads I like to hang out with anyway. While she has no pelvis in this picture (as I couldn’t make the chair line up with her body) it isn’t a totally bad effort. But can you find the seven things that are red? Can you find: the axe, the spilled bottle of beer, the number of speakers and drawers to her desk, the red hat, or how many “A’s” were used?

Should you like a cartoon of your own, don’t hesitate to ask, and Vik, it has been a pleasure. Think of it as a small "thank you" from a regular reader.

Cheers,

Doc