An Important Message From The Editor

**Editor's Note** The Editor and staff at Social Zymurgy; the culture of beer, would like to publish a statement regarding so-called "binge drinking". It has come to our attention that some people out there have been engaging in "binge drinking" to the detriment of their health, wealth, and good moral character. This has got to stop.

America needs upright, hard working, and sober citizens now more than ever before to deliver us from our economic woes and guide us into the bright and glorious future that we now stand on the cusp of. The world at large looks to us as a beacon of freedom, guidance, and competent sober thought. Now is not the time to bemoan your hardships and pour copious amounts of booze down your gullet in the vain hope that it will lift you from the troubles you find yourself mired in. Now is the time to put down your frivolous bohemian pursuits and seek out your fellow man and lend a hand.

Besides, the Editor and staff at Social Zymurgy; the culture of beer, don't like to use the unpleasant term "binge drinking".

We prefer to think of it as "immersion therapy".

Cheers,
Doc

FOUR F*CKING HUNDRED!

This is a proud moment here at Social Zymurgy, the culture of beer. This is our four hundredth post. Who would have thought that we would make it this far? I didn't. I took over for Big Orange when he found his time consumed by other things and I thought to myself "I give it a week. A month tops", I never thought it would run this far. Thanks to our crack staff of writers, Blogger, and Al Gore, but mostly thanks to you, our readers for stopping in and leaving funny comments on the malarky we put up. That is the real reward to all of us here. So have a cold beer and toast SZ tcob, and then go get on with your lives.

Doc

Do I Post Too Much, Or Too Little?

I've noticed that some of blogdom will only put up a post every other day or so. Others put up one every week or so. Some, like Flannery, put up something every day. Some are content to put up a new post once or twice a month.

Me, I operate in fits and spurts. I might go three weeks and I don't put up a thing, but then there are times like last night when I put up three posts.

I guess my real question is: Does anyone scroll down until they find something that they have read before, or do you just read whatever is on top and run with that?

While I act as editor for SZ tcob, I am not the sole contributor. I have an extensive staff that adds to our copy. Big Orange and I write the bulk of what you read, but Elizabeth, genn6, and Flannery contribute regularly. Raven has been on the payroll since I took over, yet she has never, not once, added one article in my memory.

This has caused some confusion in the past as to who has started a meme, and has been attributed to the wrong author, but that is of no consequence, just as long as we get some kind of answer, we are satisfied.

As Editor-In-Chief, I was just wondering. Do we need to limit our posts to one a day so that we can maximize our audience? I am just trying to maximize your time here at our little cyber-bar, as you really have better things to do than put up with our crap.

Please feel free to rant in the comments section, as I need all the input that I can get. We are trying to write what will interest our audience, but without input from our readers, we will continue with our randomly scheduled sh*t.

Please, this sight is for you. Tell us what you want to hear or we will be forced to provide the trifle that we have been dishing out for some time now. We take on all comers. Give us a challenge that you think we can't master and let us surprise you. Give us topics that you don't see tackled anywhere else and give us free reign, but as I put this to print, I am reminded of a few rules: it can't have nudity or too much foul language. This sight must be kept work friendly. These are not my rules. These are the rules of my contributors. Myself, I'd prefer T&A in every post, as well as creative uses of commonly accepted swear words, but this is not to be.

I must submit to my staff, as well as my reading audience, but please, give us something juicy that we can tackle for you, the most important person in the world, our readers.

Always keeping you in mind,
Your Editor,
Doc

A Note From the Editor

First off, thank you all for contributing to the funeral meme. The response was overwhelming. I have never started a meme before and have only answered two previously. Thanks Elizabeth and Bubs.

While I have followed some of blogdom for a while now, but most was done while reading over Flannery's shoulder. She encouraged me to start one of my own for a long time, but I could never bring myself to do it. Then Big Orange started this one and asked me to write a little something for it. At first I wasn't crazy about the idea, but then I had a random thought that I would host a regular article on the history of beer and that sparked my interest. (I like history AND beer.) I wrote a few pieces that I was proud of and I started to see the appeal. Then his life and work schedule changed and he was going to kill this blog. Flannery suggested that he put me in charge. So here I am, suddenly having this beautiful bastard child that no one wanted, thrust into my lap.

I just couldn't turn the poor little waif away.

So I took the little f*cker under my wing and ran with it. Was it quality? Some days. Was it worth your time? Some days. Was it bizarre, funny, and thought provoking? Sure.

Some days.

I have always tried to be a good steward and editor for SZ tcob, thinking that at any day now, Big Orange will take over and I will go back to being a sometime writer for this little corner of the WWW. Not so. I'm like Bruce Wayne and I'm saddled with Dick Grayson, (a.ka.the beer blog) and I need to raise him, and show him how to use the batarang, but I don't mind. Beer is usually involved with good times, and if there is something that we all need, it is good times. So be it. I'd like to think that I can add a small thing to your day, even if it is grossly misspelled.

That brings me to my next point.

This is a note of thanks. I feel like I have been welcomed into your lives with open arms, and that means a hell of a lot to me.

THANKS. All of you, THANKS.

I want you all to know that while I don't comment often, I am an avid reader. Twice a day I make the rundown of everyone in the blogroll list. Once at lunchtime while the kids are eating and I can sneak away for a cigarette, and again when I return from work at 9ish. I turn to your blog and scroll down until I find something that I have read before and work my way to the top. I REALLY try to keep up. (The other night I couldn't sleep so I read three months of Anandamide and eight months of Bubs. Both fascinating.)

I don't comment often because most anything that I might have to add has already been added by someone who is wittier than I am. Just know that I'm checking in as often as I can and thanks for stopping by.

Doc

Flannery for President!

As every mother's son seems to be trying to get the highest post in the land, and for the first time this country seems to be seriously considering a woman for President, let me take this opportunity to throw my wife's hat in the ring. I think that this woman would make an excellent leader for our country in these troubled times. She is smart, witty, a Washington outsider, and she has a very clear and concise foreign, and domestic policy. As for what they are, you will have to ask her, but I'm fairly certain that they are clear and concise. She will be tough on crime, she will be tough on terrorists, and tough on the White House furniture. She will whip Congress into a well oiled machine, instead of just oily money-grubbing tools for the rich and mighty. She will be a friend to the working man, hell, she might even buy him a beer. She will assess a "sin tax" on all Mel Gibson films to help pay for No Child Left Behind, as well as having a call in show to take bets on how long John Mayer can survive in a pit filled with a tribe of rabid, horny orangutans.

All this in the first thirty days!

It is easy for me to volunteer this true red-blooded American Patriot, as I know that this country would finally be in the hands of an honest steward of the people, and I would have to do nothing but smile, wave, and try very hard not to moon the press at every opportunity. The job of First Man, or whatever title Newsweek decides to give me, would be a welcome change from mowing the lawn, doing dishes, and cleaning up the cat box. I could be a role model for stay-at-home Dads everywhere. I could say proudly, "Work hard, raise your kids right, and ride your wife's coat tails straight to the top!" I would have my autobiography ghost written by someone who can type and spell better than I, and I would be sure to hint at lurid details of how we "got our groove on" in every room of the White House and how we spent some quality time every evening, after a long day of running the most powerful nation in the world, in the Lincoln Bedroom with 5 gallons of grape Jello and silly string. I would appear at every state function in one of my many black concert T-shirts, as well as Ray-Bans, and Tom & Jerry flip-flops. I could speak at the U.N., and call upon the nations of the world to sit down and have a cold beer and quit shooting the unholy hell out of each other. We would limbo, form a conga line, do a few beer bongs, and then sign the "Tiki Accord" that would effectively end war and overpriced beer.
So I ask you concerned citizen, when the time comes for you to fill in a name on your ballot, think long and hard, and then vote for Flannery, 'cause it is about time someone you know and trust lives off the public tit.

(We are also considering Johnny Depp or Olando Bloom for Veep. How's that grab ya?)

Doc

AN OPEN LETTER TO HOLLY

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not dead.

I have to apologize for my absence, Dear and Gentle Reader. I have had a whopper of a writing assignment that has covered my whole desk for two weeks and I have only now just gotten out from underneath it. The Grand Pooh-Bah commissioned an article, and seeing as how I can deny him nothing, I threw myself at it like I was jumping into an oncoming train. Not only did he ask for an article, he offered to pay me.

Now he is my friend, and I am always delighted to help out a friend, but when he first offered to pay me, I turned it down flat. He insisted. I declined. He insisted some more. As a compromise, I offered to have him buy me some beer and we would call it even. No. It had to be cash.

I thought I would just take the cash and buy beer for Tiki one night and share my good fortune with everyone. It only seemed fitting.

So I started to write. I had lots of ideas and planned on a good story that everyone would enjoy. It was to be funny yet thoughtful, well reasoned yet whimsical. It was on the topic of Peace.

I worked and worked. I knew what I was shooting for, but I could never quite nail it down. I thought that I could hammer it out in an evening or two. No. It was as much work as the Trans-Continental Railroad. I sweated. I fumed. I labored. I must have gone through twelve drafts. But finally, I finished with a draft that I could live with.

Now during these two weeks I got my regular paycheck from my regular job. I got paid on a Friday and that night my dear wife sat down to pay the bills. Everyone got their money and that left $20 for the family to squeak by on for 11 days. The wife drives three hours a day to and from work. The kids drink a gallon of milk every two days. The gas tank on my Jeep hadn’t read over 1/8 for two weeks because I had been waiting for payday to fill it, rather than just buy it two gallons at a time. We were broke. Backs against the wall broke. I kept trying to think of something that I could sell or pawn.

The Grand Pooh-Bah loved the article. He plunked down $90 on the bar and said, “I owe you ten.” At any other time I would have handed his money back and would have felt good about doing it. Not this time. I was strapped. This was money that I could accept with a clear conscious. I had worked hard and received a generous payment. My kids could have milk. My wife could buy gas. There would be something to eat in the house besides ramen noodles. Don’t get me wrong, I love ramen noodles, but once in a while, a choice is nice.

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

The night that I read the story to the Grand Pooh-Bah, (I always have to read it to him) Guido showed up. Guido is an old friend of the Grand Pooh-Bah and works with the professional golf tour. Guido invited a friend named Holly. I had never met her before. She sat down and took in the whole majesty that is the Tiki bar while I got her a beer. She listened as I read my story for the Grand Pooh-Bah. When I had finished, she was kind in her praise, and asked me if I could write something for her. She said that in a few weeks she was going to be teaching a class at the local college on faith and worldviews and would I like to contribute. “Yes,” I said, “be glad to.”

Now here comes the snag. I gave her the web address for this blog and that was it. I didn’t catch her last name. I don’t have her phone number. I know she lives near the fairgrounds, but that is no help. I don’t have any way of contacting her at all, short of smoke signals, and that doesn’t seem very promising, as this could easily be confused with the local tire fire.

So Holly, if you are out there, leave me a note in the comments section below. I am just groaning with faith, and I have a worldview that you might find helpful.

Doc

To All Service Personnel and Ships at Sea

I put up the site hit map in mid-January and haven't paid much attention to it since, but Flannery pointed out to me today that there was a large red blob in Iraq, meaning that someone over there was stopping by on a regular basis. I can only assume that it is someone who has a crew-cut and wears a lot of green or brown clothing, namely military personel, as most Iraqi's are Islamic and don't drink alcohol as a tenet of their faith. Well, I just want to go on record as saying "THANK YOU!". The job of soldier/sailor is the absolute toughest job there is. The list of what makes it hard is staggering. The food, the pay, the lonliness, the stress, the weather, the thanklessness of it all, etc. I'm sure that you could add many more things to this list than I ever could, but just know that this is one American who adds you to his daily prayers, and will gladly shake your hand and buy you a much deserved beer on your return. Thanks again for stopping by and please leave me a note in the comments section if there is anything I can do. We are pulling for YOU!

Just a reminder: Sunday is our book review, Monday is more beer silliness than you can shake a stick at, Tuesday is our fashion/entertainment column, Wednesday is music/sports/politics for the single girl on the go, Thursday is our advice column Practical Advice (practicaladvice@yahoo.com), Friday is our Tastefully Nude Contest, Saturday is more of that fat-free beer silliness, so join us won't you?

Doc

An Apology from the Editor

I've been on vacation this week and I planned to do nothing but write for SZ, culture of beer, but I've been a bit lazy.

My dear sister and her lovely family came to visit and to help celebrate Ground Hog's Day. We all had a big grin!

I Tried to squeeze in as much as I could this vacation.... but things didn't go as planned.
I promise to read everything that was written in my absense and comment accordingly. From what I have read, the staff has been plowing along without me and have continued to deliver their usual stellar proformance, and they should be applauded for this. Sorry for not being an attentive editor and I promise to rectify that. Thanks for your wonderful contributions and keep up the great work! Thanks again!

Doc

THE NEW LINE-UP!

Since I have become Editor of this fine establishment, there have been very few changes from the original, and those few changes that I have implemented have been minor. I felt that it was important to keep with the spirit of the original charter and deliver the same great reporting that one has come to expect from Social Zymurgy, The Culture of Beer. I have tried, in my own humble way, to be a good editor/writer, and have steered with a gentle hand the direction that this site has taken. But the time has come for some sweeping new changes here at SZ. We will not be posting just willy-nilly anymore, (well, we will,) but with some focused direction. I have made some cosmetic changes, and have scheduled some new regular features.

So let’s take a look at our new line-up.

Sunday: We will have a new books feature by our very own Big Orange. Not just books on all things bright and beery, but on whatever he bloody well feels like. Look for it this Sunday.

Monday: Yours truly will just toss something in under the category of general silliness and beer, of course.

Tuesday: The ever lovely and fashionable Flannery Alden will head our Entertainment/Fashion column up!

Wednesday: Genn6 will lead us into the seamy underbelly of music, sports, and politics for the single girl on the go. Keep your eyes peeled, Dear and Gentle Reader, this is going to be a hot one!

Thursday: Elizabeth will be holding her own in our new advice column Ask Madame E! Having trouble with a coworker? Need some help with Ms. or Mr. Right? Want to know how to handle that traffic cop that has pulled you over? Please, Dear and Gentle Reader, send along your questions and consult the sage advice of the Madam.

Friday: Since we have had such an overwhelming response to this in the past, we will be hosting a Tastefully Nude photo contest. Submit an entry and have it voted on. Is it Tastefully Nude, or just plain trashy. You decide.

Saturday: More of that general silliness that you just can’t stop craving, but relax, it is fat free!

Well, there it is folks, a spanking new line-up to keep you well informed and sounding smart at the water cooler. So crack a cold one and sit back. It just keeps getting better from here.

Doc

Some Redecoratin'

I've done some redecoratin' here at social zymurgy to reflect the direction that this new editor-in-chief is taking. I hope you like it. I have added new features (world map, links, etc.) and wow, was that hard for your tech impaired editor. But I did it! It took me the better part of a day, but I did it. Tell me what you think in the comments below.

Thanks,
Doc

Foul Language

It has been commented by a very dear friend, that this is in fact, the Internet and it is o.k. to use “lowbrow” or “gutter” speech. He mentioned that he had noticed on a few of my posts that when I used this kind of language, I edited it using an asterisk. He tried very hard to explain that the Internet was a place of freedom, where you can say whatever you like, and it is o.k. to use “foul language”. I can understand his point. This is a place of complete freedom, but as with any freedom, there must come some responsibility. I, as editor-in-chief, have a very serious responsibility to my readership to deliver the best in news, sports, happenings, human-interest stories, and general silliness that is beer related, that I possibly can. I take this very, very seriously. You, Dear and Gentle Reader, are my audience and to print this kind of “filth” would be a great failing of the trust that was placed in me when I took this job.

Yes, in times past we have run with stories that have included nudity. I don’t feel that this is a betrayal of the trust placed in me. The nudity has been sparing. It has always been done tastefully, and only used when it was critical to the story that we had to tell. There is nothing “smutty” about the human body. After all, everyone has one, and with only two models available, I believe that it is reasonable to assume that you have seen both varieties.

And yes, sometimes we have printed some of this “dirty” language, but again, we try to keep it to a minimum, and it has been edited to the best of my ability. No one should be subjected to something that makes him or her very uncomfortable. That would be unethical. I enjoy the occasional cigar, but I would never come into your home and light up, even with your permission.

This has been the approach of this editor and we will continue this practice in the future. I believe that this is truly in the spirit of the charter of this publication, and I thank you for your continued readership.

Now, please, please, sit the f*ck down and shut the f*ck up.

Doc